{Subliminal Silence}
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
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6.14.2006

My bike had a flat tire so on my way home from work monday I went and bought a new tube and went home and danced out the door with the tube and went off to hang out with my bike. I went over to the little patch by the fence I left him in (with the heart shaped pillow and bowl of M&M's becuase if you love someone you should give them hand jobs heart shaped pillows and M&M's) as I turned the corner I noticed that he wasn't there.
YEP... SOME ASS HOLE CRACK HEAD STOLE MY BIKE!!!!!!!!!
Who the hell goes and steals a girls bike?!??!?! I have taken action in the form of a sign that regretfully you can't see becuase my camera is busted but if you live in East Atlanta drive around, you will find it. I have taken the tire tube and hung it around a sign in the yard that says:

"Here is the tube for the bike you stole from a girl DICK FACE!"


6.12.2006

JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE SCHIZOPHRENIC DOESN'T MEAN THEY CAN'T BE RACISTS

So I am trying to make my blog a home again but work kicks my ass. Last week I had to deal with two seizures and a run away. That's right one guy got mad because he didn't have a cigarette so he ran away. You know it is an awesome day when you have 7 the ambulance, the fire truck and 7 cop cars in one day. I also learned that "volatile" is not only a clinical word but also code word for "hey police hurry your ass up" especially when used in a sentence like this:
"I have a volatile mentally ill man that just escaped into the community"
It is cool when you are dealing with one emergency and then another guy falls out seizing all over the place. The one good thing I learned through all of this is that the Dekalb County Fire department is not made up of fat nasty men.... they are actually all young bald guys with tattoos. I would hate to think I would have to have another guy drop dead to get them to hang out, so if you are reading this and know any of the guys tell them to stop by. They will know who I am, I am a little unforgettable with the talented way I use to coral the other schizophrenic away from them using a tazer.... (ok I embellish I don't REALLY keep batteries in it)....
So at the end of the week I made a deal with the run away that he needed to come to my office and tell me if he ever wanted to run away again and he agreed that if he ever got angry he would come see me first. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?!?! This morning he asked if he could see me. It was at this point that I realized it was MY ideas to lock myself in an office with an angry crazy guy, and do to my poor foresight I had to say yes. He was all mad and yelling and I got him calmed down until he walked out of my office and saw a black girl and went nuts again. Apparently Black people and lack of cigarettes are his buttons.
In other news I bought a bike... I will be submitting pictures of my first fall, that should probably be soon. Some of you might remember my tiara that is resting in peace since the New Years that the ass hole who couldn't get it up stole it.... Well I love bike that much and some guy in the neighborhood has already asked to borrow it because he coveted my bike. He said "hey white girl give me that bike".

5.31.2006

WHO PUT ME IN CHARGE!?!

Remember being a kid and having a fire drill and getting to yell and scream and act a fool and run out of the classroom in the middle of class. Now sit back and imagine being the teacher. Now imagine that it is not a classroom but a room full of 40 schizophenics. Now imagine that at least 1/4 of them came to the program with out their medication. Keep going..... Now imagine the board of directors being in the building and having to exit the same time as you and your "crazies"., while you pretend you have things under control.

If you are imagining one man locking himself in the bathroom and screaming to his hallucination, one woman sitting down on a chair on the patio, one guy standing in the room singing "on top of old smoky" with the rhythm he has somehow found in the alarm, other people from the building walking out and yelling at you that "HURRY UP YOUR PROGRAM IS GOING TO FAIL US" & "HEY MARCI YOU HAVE A GUY RUNNING UP FRONT"..... and all of these people telling you that they are not going to leave the building...... Then you are a genius because that is EXACTLY how that would go down.

Don't be jealous of my job.
Ok so addicts losers with nothing to do but sit on the computer all night The Real World Blog Style are the only ones to get my back

I hit up some of my old blogmates last night. After convincing them it was me because every word was misspelled they tried to talk me into moving back in and told them I might consider coming back once I got might corner of the interweb comfy again, but man these people are pushy. Apparently I have already moved back in, and they have already hung my family photos on the wall. Looks like they are not taking no for an answer, So when I feel like I am cleaver enough to start posting there again I will, so start reading.

It kinda feels good to be the prodigal loser. roomate.

5.30.2006

TO NIGERIA AND BACK
* Disclaimer: "Crazies" is a term meant with much love so please don't fire me.
I will not promise I am back just yet... Because if I did that, I would not be thoroughly convinced that it wasn't the wine talking. I will however fill you in on some updates.

I stopped blogging when I got a job in Nigeria.. (*women are not allowed to use computers there). well not so much Nigeria as the east side of Atlanta where I they hired me because I brought a bowl of water and washed the mans feet for the interview and he hired me thinking that I was subservient.... HAHHAHAHAH. Anyway, that was a dare gone wrong that put me in a funk for quite some time. It is amazing how some Nigerian man and his family can suck the humor right out of you. I thought it would be ok since I was still working with my homeless addicts but it was a detox center and as it turns out..... I like my addicts clean. Who knew?

So when they killed the goat for the Christmas party.... (I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT LYING ABOUT THIS... I AM NOT FUNNY ENOUGH TO MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT UP) I decided I would have to either get a new job or or check myself in.

I got a new job. And when the day came to walk in and throw around the "I QUIT" bat.... I got totally hosed. I had it all planned out how I was going to grab the goat and run and scream "I quit and the white man rules" but as it turns out an addict heard me telling a coworker that it was the day to save the goat and while we were doing rounds on the guy he got up to leave and he says "oh and congratulations on your new job".... I thought I was about to be beat but I still had some grateful addicts on my side....... Is it strange the only ones in life who have tried to get my back when I needed it are my addicts?

I work for the state now and I run program for schizophrenics. I don't know what is funnier, the fact that I am in management or the fact I work with schizophrenics. On my second day there the cute crazies stole the van and almost wrecked it into the ditch. On my third day I found out that one of them is totally friends with Al Pacino and some times he goes to see all and he finds the "magical green flute". And then there is the woman who thinks that if she goes to the doctor he will suck her blood out and sell it on the street (ok that one might be true). I swear to god the only thing I am missing in my daily life is an Indian and a water fountain. It is a great gig... But I really miss my addicts so I occasionally go sleep on the street and wait for one of them to sell me crack so I can hang with them again. I think it is possible I like the drug addicts better but I fit in with the crazies better, which is a hard pill to swallow.

12.03.2005

THIS ONE IS FOR GOOSE
or
"the blog that went silent, and only one person cared"
or
It has been subliminally silent around here

It appears that I have been pretty neglectful of you all lately seeing as how Blogger just wouldn't let me log in.... if it is any consulation, this is just my nature, my imaginary friend, Harry Chaplin, hauled ass a long time ago becuase I never talked to him. Blogger has proved to be a bit more forgiving than Harry.

I guess you all want some great story as to where i have been, like how homeless drug addicts abducted me, or how I finally went to court on those "hate crimes", that were really just me throwing my size barbies at midgets. Really there is no cool story but work has taken over my life. I quit the job I loved due to some evil essence that led to the closing of the program, I quit about a month before they went under and word on the street is it was my fault. So now i work in a detox center. Not my dream job but it is working for now. I do get to work with a lot more schitzophrenics now, and that has proved to be quite entertaining. The schitzo's have the best stories. One hears growling all the time, but only in his left ear, then there is the guy that told me the voices told him to kill me, and the one who knows when it is time to get back on her medicine becuase the little green elf showed more than his hat when he looked around the door. She was my favorite, I think we should all be able to see little green men with hats. Or maybe own little green men with hats. or maybe just own a midget and make im wear a hat.

another reason I have not been here lately is becuyase I never go home anymore. I am moving in January and i will have my computer back with me, so maybe i will be able to post more often soon.

6.22.2005

INTERNS = MIDGETS

I finally got myself my own intern. I had no clue that interns could be such good bitches. I don't remember being such a slave, but that is probably because I walked in and after a month realized what could happen and required payment for my services. So anyway, I have a new intern and I am in charge of him.... He can fax all my faxes, refill my water, handle all the grunt work I don't want to do, form a wall by my office to keep clients out, and I have it set up to where he has to tell me how pretty I am 3 times a day. The best part about the intern is I can keep him so busy doing all my work that he doesn't have time to bother me and now I have all the time in the world to search the internet for activities for lonely old hags.

5.09.2005

The fonderer my heart gets the grumpier I get!

Why is it so hard for a girl to get a piece?

*and YES, fonderer is too a word*

5.06.2005

Dear ass hole in the porto potty line last night at Sweetwater,

Yea, that's right I said it. I was trying to get over the fact that you were even in the line the first place when every other guy in the free world pisses on the side of the building. I know I mentioned it might have been since you didn't have a dick, and that might have been out of line but it was my bladder speaking.... you see I almost pissed my pants in that line. The part I don't feel so bad about is when you went into the ever so wonderful porto pottie and took your time.... REALLY, no one should be exposed to a porto pottie for 5 whole minutes.... So I am really sorry that you got upset when you walked out I said "the porto pottie is no place to masturbate" for everyone in line to hear, but since we were all talking about you anyway, I thought it was only right to say something to your face.. I do want to say that you were so cute when you tried to stare down my friends because I was a bitch to you. I mean when any 5 foot 3 guy tries to bow up on 6'3" guys, it makes me think about the midget I have never owned, and I kinda fell in love with you at that moment.

See You Next Week,
Marci

5.05.2005

Happy drug addicts rule!!!
I just ran out to the store and when I came back there were three clients outside all up on eachother.... I think "shit, I have to break up another fight and these guys are straight off the street".... As I get out of my car I hear them rapping to eachother..... Apparently they were having a rap war, street fight, 8 Mile happening, or what ever it is called. I start over to them to break up what ever is about to happen and accept i might have a black eye tonight, when I realize that they are rapping about god and gospel. Now I am not a believer in anything you can not show me in a Petri dish, or test tube, but the shit these guys were rapping was awesome. So I listened for a minute and came in and they stood out side my office singing for 15 more minutes and working off eachother. Apparently rap gospel is the new pink. Now you know.
One of my addicts gave me a plant for my office because he is this "creepy green thumb botanist nursery worker who might love his plants too much". He gave me the plant yesterday and I told him it wasn't a good idea to trust me with living things, I mean I let my sister roll over on my bird when I was little smashing it to a nice quarter inch thick. He said not to worry he would come in and take care of it everyday and since I talk to myself all day that would help the plant grow.

So I come into work today, I have had the plant for less than 20 hours, and the damn thing is dead.... It had pretty flowers all over it and now it is a pitiful display of how inept I am of taking care of things.

I think i will just throw the plant out and tell the client that it relapsed and left he program.

5.02.2005

Problem Solving 101:
or
"why I should spend my time better at work"

Krika says:
I SO SLEEPY
Marci says:
I am so bored and horny
Krika says:
MASTURBATE
Marci says:
i should but last time a client walked in on it it was awkward
Marci says:
Being horny at work sucks now that I don't have nicely dressed men walking by
Krika says:
TELL HER YOUR RUBBING CALAMINE LOTION ON A BAD POISON IVY RASH
Marci says:
or maybe that I had sex with someone that had benadryl on their dick.... like the client did last week
Krika says:
OH.....MY......GOD....WHY?
Krika says:
DID HE THINK IT WOULD CURE HIS HERPES?
Marci says:
who knows.... she wanted to show me her rash, naturally I stopped her before it got to the nightmare stage but I never did ask her why he had benedryl on his dick .... and she left the program this weekend so I will never know.
Marci says:
unless I see her selling crack
Krika says:
AND ITCHING HER CROTCH WHILE DOING IT
Marci says:
that is hot
Krika says:
OR MAYBE SHE'LL SMOKE SOME TO HEAL THE RASH LIKE THE GUY WITH HEMORRHOIDS
Marci says:
yea he left too.
Marci says:
maybe they are having awesome itchy sex somewhere right now
Krika says:
AWW...RASHY ANAL SEX MAKES ME ALL MUSHY INSIDE
Marci says:
well thanks for this little conversation.... I am no longer horny
Weekend of Cock Rings Slurpees

It was a great weekend.... I took my exam and even though I probably failed it, it is over and I don't have to think about it for 8 weeks when I stand at the mailbox shaking and hyperventilating telling my roomie to open the letter for me.

So I am all done no more school, no more exams, no more sleeping with professors for A's, no more computer problems, and no more freaking out in class and calling everyone idiots. My future consists of addicts and beer, mainly because I feel I need a good balance in my work and home life.

Sweetwater at 4:20. Who's with me?!?!?

4.27.2005

Did anyone notice the last 2 posts were at 10:01? I think that is a sign from the devil.... and we all know the devil is actually a combination of Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, and the Culkin family.... so in order to purify myelf I have to post again.
WHY I HEART THE DMV

Today I woke up at Ass crack of dawn and went to the DMV to fix my little expired licensed/ going to court/ going to jail/ having a girlfriend named bertha that loving calls me boo problem. It opened at 9 so I got there at 7. Only I had to go to the one near work, and it turns out I do not work in the best neighborhood in Atlanta. So there I was little white girl sitting in South Dekalb Mall with my study guides and studying, when three young thugs came in. I am not sure if my clients are right about me having enough street cred to hang in the ghetto or if it was the mace I was holding but the thugs took a liking to me and talked to me the whole time, and only called me "bitch" once and only used the word "pussy" 5 times, and even offered to let me hit their crack pipe if I wanted to go outside with them. They were really sweet guys. Sweet in the "they didn't try to gang rape me on the floor of the mall" kinda way.

I got my New license and the guy taking my pict apparently was new because he told me to face a certain way and where to look and I asked him if I was pretty before he took the picture and he wouldn't answer.... I took that to mean he had a crush on me and was nervous... He said "look here" and there was a flash and then I got my ID and I am half in the picture and facing to the side and looking to total wrong direction. It really sucks I am stuck with this picture for another 4 years and maybe more if I let it expire again.

4.25.2005

THE STORY ON HOW PORN KEPT ME OUT OF HANDCUFFS

This weekend I was driving to go meet someone for brunch when I got pulled over for speeding. My first thought was "Holy shit, my License expired last year and now I might have to give the cop a blow job to get out of this, and this is a VERY busy road, and that is going to be SO embarrassing" and then my second thought hit me while the cop was right at the window.... "Shit I was supposed to return this porn sitting in my passenger seat, and now it is in plain view of the cop".....

The cop asks for my ID and he looks around my car and then proceeds to ask all the questions to the DVD.... I still answered:
Cop: You know I can take you to jail.
Me: FOR HAVING PORN, THAT IS CRAZY! *yea I should think before I talk*
Cop: No, for having an expired license, technically you are driving with out a license now.
Me: No shit, those things expire, you have got to be kidding me.
(I figure the dumb horny girl act is my best course of action at this point)
Cop: do you have someone that can drive your car for you? If you can find someone to come get it I won't take you in
Me: *thinking for the best reply, while he is trying to make out the pictures on the back of the DVD* No I just moved here and I don't know anybody.
Cop: Well I suppose I can let you drive if you promise to drive straight home and park your car til you have a valid license.
Me: you are awesome, thank you, but will it be ok if I return my video first?
Cop: *walks away after handing me 3 tickets*

Yep, I think this means things are getting back to normal.

4.21.2005

SHE LIVES!!

I really wish I could have some really cool story of where I have been lately, but as it turns out I have become the most boring person on earth. I sit on the couch and pretend to study for my 8 hour licensing exam and then when I can not take that anymore I get in bed and pretend to study from there while I watch the news and then I fall asleep and pretend that the reason I haven't studied is becuase work has kept me so busy that I fall asleep before I can open the book and then I wake up and go to work where some homeless addict tells me that it was absolutely neccessary for him to smoke crack becuase his hemmroids hurt too bad and then I go home and the whole process starts over. Yea that is right, I really did say that my bed has only been used for studying and falling alseep lately.... that shows how miserable this school thing has made my life.

I will be all done at 4:00pm on April 30th. When I say "ALL" I mean I will be cmpletely free of most reponsibility and I can continue to frolic in my old way..... (FYI: There is now a free beer night Every night of the week in Atlanta (except for Tuesday)....

In the instruction booklet on my exam they tell me to make no plans after the exam becuase I will be exhausted..... as I see it, this will be the last rule I will be able to break for a very long time, so Iwill be found in various bars in Atlanta for that whole weekend..... who wants to hang?!?!?!?!? I may need some strangers to join me since I think all my friends might have moved on with life without me........

PS. Props to Goose for being the only one to miss me!

3.18.2005

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile... I have been too busy having a nervous breakdown to catch you all up. I had no clue the home stretch of schooling would do this to me. I cried at an OnStar commercial yesterday.... that's right make fun of me all you will.... but just keep in mind that people probably made fun of Nichols before he shot up the court room. I also had an entire conversation with Melanie yesterday and then called her all pissed off that she never called. Turns out I had talked to her for a bit and hung up and I have no recollection of the conversation. I really think I went to school so I could become dumber.

Hopefully things will be ok by April 30th. I will try to stop in occasionally here, but I leave home at 7 and get home at 8-9 every night and then it is time to do work..... So .....til next time......

Feel free to send me good thoughts of midgets, in hopes I can make it through the next few months without having to be hospitalized.

3.03.2005

I'VE HEARD IT ALL
Scene: Hall way outside bathroom looking at the failed drug test
Me: When was the last time you used?
Potential Client: Last September
Me: No really, tell me the truth.
PT: no really I have stayed clean a long time
Me: well that is funny since you have coke in your system.
PT: how in the hell is that possible?
Me: well, let's see, I guess that is possible if you used in the past 3-5 days.
PT: That is impossible.
Me: well I am not gonna argue with you, I can't accept you with a dirty screen
PT: WAIT A MINUTE, KNOW WHAT IT IS! I hired a prostitute last night, and she sucked my dick, do you think that I got high from that crack whore?
Me: well did you share a pipe with her?
PT: No I think she got it in my system while she was sucking my dick.

Me: *laugh out loud while holding the door open for him to leave, and then walk away thinking about how much I love my job.*

*dim lights*

2.21.2005

SAD SAD DAY

This is ALMOST as sad as the day my tiara died.

2.20.2005

Friday night I went to an after hours party at one of my free beer breweries. Because I am hard core, I also went to free beer for 2 hours before the party. It seemed like a pretty chill time until I started looking back on the chaos of the evening Sat. Morning.

#1 a friend was there mixing half beer and half diet coke and drinking it ALL NIGHT LONG
#2 I got pinned against a secluded corner with a stranger at which point the stranger started trying to make out with me.
#3 I finally talked to my Friday night secret boyfriend and told him he was my secret boyfriend.
#4 Said stranger ended up trying to get up on me again later and my totally chill roommate bowed up and said "hey man I will punch you in the fucking face" (this is still so funny to me... this was the first time I have ever seen him be tough.... it was cute) which let to this exchange:
Him: I will kick the shit out of your friend
Me: man that would really blow becuase none of our other friends are here so I would have to jump in and kick your ass, and to tell you the truth I am too pretty for all that so can you just chill.
Then he proceeded to fololow me to the bathroom and stalk me all night long.
#5 Said secret boyfriend looked all cute .... RIGHT BEFORE he showed me his wedding ring. (I really have to get better at looking for those). He promised I would be his secret girlfriend though, so I guess that works out fine.
#6 said friend with Diet coke came back with us so he didn't have to drive and slept on my floor for intervals of 5 minutes between puking all night.

It is maybe a little sad that this is ALL I have to show for the last 3 days of my life.

2.18.2005

Bush's best quote over:

"I touched it in 2002, I touched it in 2004, and I touched it at the state of the union."
PROBLEM?

I love where I work and they are planning on hiring me. That is the good news. Yesterday the director of another place came by to drop off an addict and said he needed to talk to me. Turns out in dealing with him and all the counselors that he employs, word got around about how incredibly awesome I am and he wants to go to dinner and talk about a job. I was completely honest with him and told him how happy I was where I am and that I might be getting hired on here, but I would definitely be looking at some other options. He took that time to be completely honest with ME, and told me that he had heard a rumor that yet another facility was wanting me and he was wanting to nab me before they got ahold of me.

This means that I get to start a bidding war between 3 places. Why do all these people talk about it being hard to fid a job after graduation when I am 2 months away and not even doing anything and people are still calling me. Looks like I will be working before graduation and I will be making decent money for someone newly licensed. I am SO excited about not being poor anymore.

2.15.2005

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A SUBSTANCE ABUSE COUNSELOR

I feel like I don't share my days with you all anymore.... so I figure I will bitch share today.

My job consist of talking to drug addicts and helping then figure out why "crack is whack" (thanks Whitney). I also am responsible for making any referrals, dealing with crisis', and getting and screening new clients for intake. After I find and screen them I am also responsible to be there best friend on intake day and make them feel ok about being there and do orientation with them. Lately the beds have emptied a bit so I have had a lot of work to do. I was to have 11 people come in today and this is exciting. So I get to work and 3 guys show up and fail the drug test.

Me: when was the last time you used?
Client #1: 5 years ago.
Me: don't bullshit me
Client #1: 2 days ago.
Client #2: last week
Client #3: this morning
Me: well I told you all you needed to pass a test to get in, let me find a shelter that might take you.
Client #2: This is bullshit, you didn't tell me that.
Me: first... yes i did, 2nd you should have known coming for recovery you needed to be clean.

*disclaimer... if you have a weak stomach skip this paragraph*
So after that happens a woman shows up. she has a big tummy and passes her drug test however, her piss is gross orange color. So I am thinking she has a nasty infection. She then tells me she thinks she might be pregnant. I do a pregnancy test on her since I need to turn her away if she is, and it comes up negative. I ask her how pregnant she thinks she is and she says 1.5 months. I look at her belly and she looks like she might be 7 months and then she says "my doctor told me I have a tumor, but I haven't had my period in 3 months so I think I am pregnant" HOLY SHIT... This woman had a tumor the size of a small child in her. BELIEVE YOUR DOCTOR WOMAN!!. So on top of all that she smells like fish , literally, and has the whole lobby smelling. I referred her on.

THEN....
a cab pulls up and the woman falls out of it. I am looking out the window and see her stumble up. YOU HAVE SERIOUSLY GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I walk out to stop her from coming in.

Me: hi, how are you?
Her: not so good *bust into tears*
Me: You've been drinking so I can't take you.
Her: no i haven't
Me: yea you have and I bet i can even call that you have been drinking whiskey.
Her: ok but they took my daughter away.
Me: Do you think you are in a position to take care of her they way you should right now?

this is the point where she took a swing at me, only she is so drunk she missed by a foot and fell down. I helped her up and talked her into letting me call someone to get her. I referred her on to the hospital.

All this happened in the span of 2 hours, which means that it only took two hours for me to realize I could never drink whiskey of eat fish again.

Hope you al had a great day too.

This is not the part of the conversation you want your boss walking in on:

Client: So was the guy you jumped tandem with cool.

*enter boss*

Me: yea, he seemed really cool, I got to talk to him for about 5 minutes before he strapped him self to my back.

Boss: Wow, you that easy Marci?

2.14.2005

So I am alive.... No grotesque pictures from Melanie, Sorry.

Sky Diving has to be the best thing in the entire world..... Anything that let's you wear a cool hat, a fun bright blue jump suit, takes you up 14,000 feet, in a cool little plane, has you attached at the groin of a hot guy and lets you fall into a great looking picture is alright with me. It is pretty scary how easy it was to jump out of a plane. Seriously, I should have been at least a little freaked out by it but I was ready to hurl myself out before we were even at 14,000 feet. People say it is all scary up in the plane, but really the world so surreal from that height that it is pretty cool going out into it. AND I totally got the hottest guy in the place..... his name was Joey, he was also nice.... ie, I asked him if he would be pissed if i accidentally pissed on him, or vomited, and he said he would be pissed but he would have to get over it. He was a swell guy.

I got kinda hosed on the jump order and ended up in a different plane than everyone I went with. They were all done and inside changing by the time I jumped. But the cool thing about this is I got to hear all the jump masters in my plane talk about "the group before this one". Some of the people I went with were total pansies. After the chute is pulled you have to stand on the guys feet to get readjusted in the harness (or as I like to think of it as "rubbing all up on Joey"). One guy I was with thought the guy was trying to let him loose during this part and wigged out about it and started flailing all around. I bet he might have left that out of his story.

The only thing that sucks now is there is nothing for me to loo forward to anymore.... all i have going for me know is 3 exams, 2 term papers, graduation and a 12 hour licensing exam. He who said the fun never ends, lied.

2.12.2005

Dear friends ,

Today I am plummeting to Earth. If the hot guy on my back (that's right there are only two girls going and I am the only single one so I call the hottest guy) doesn't pull the cord, and my parachute does not come out, this will be my last post. Melanie is instructed to let everyone know. (We have a secret game where we have hidden our passwords for everything and a note with what items need to be removed from our house before our parents come to take care of clearing it out). Also she is going to take pictures. If something happens, I will make sure she knows to post the picts of my death, cause I think that would be a cool last post. I am not down with the bloggers that just disappear for ever, my promise to you all is closure.

Don't get me wrong I don't think I am going to die (unless you can die of utter excitment) and I really could care less if it happened, this would be an awesome way to go and I am wearing clean underwear that match my knee high striped socks so I don't need to be embarrassed on the other side.

Holla,
Marci

2.10.2005

I was informed yesterday that if I proceed with my weekend plans, that I could be fired. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!

For some reason my boss loves me, and thinks that jumping out of a plane might be dangerous. He seems to think that I am going to die and then there would be no one as good as me to do my job. He kept running in and telling me horrible stories of people that have died and SEVERLY disfigured there face. Then when I went to leave yesterday, I asked if he needed anything before I went back to the world of noN-homeless, and he said "yea, I need you to reconsider skydiving, and you need to know your job is on the line with this".

He speaks such craziness!

Any way...
I'M GOING SKYDIVING!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. let me know if anyone is hiring a substance abuse counsler.

2.07.2005

Bert is all better... He has a brand new shiny window....(which I am scared to tell him looks funny since... You know... It is clean) and a brand new shiny radio. His self esteem is back up to the confident cutie I remember.

I have been so busy stalking my new Mama Nikki's pizza driver stopping homeless addicts from committing suicide that I have not had much time for much else.... However here is a list of what has fit into to my schedule due to the sheer importance of it:

~ renting "One Night in Chyna" at 1am ... the bitch totally has a penis, I am not talking extended labia here, I am saying there is a real penis.

~ Playing in a new park Mel and I discover in our 'hood. Slides, swings, puppies, soccer, AND seesaw... even though Melanie almost vomits on the seesaw

~ Having a dance war that ended with me trying a cool new move I was so excited about that actually could not fight gravity, ending with me on my ass and Melanie screaming "I TOTALLY KICKED YOUR ASS"



2.01.2005

Dear Ass Hole who stole my radio,

I thought it really sucked when I saw the broken window and lack of radio and the thought of Bert being touch by a stranger seemed like the worse it could get. It turns out it sucks even worse that I have to drive all around without a radio due to the fact that my mind won't stop thinking long enough to get me home unless there is constant noise, so I end up forgetting that I am driving and almost wreck Bert every few minutes. It sucks even worse that I am too poor to get it replaced. It also sucks EVEN more that I look all white trash rolling down the road with cardboard in my window. I don't think you fully thought through how this would affect Bert's self esteem. I would appreciate it if you put more thought in to your career of choice and maybe target cars with a little bit better quality than my $85 radio.

Die,
Marci

PS you forgot to take the remote for the radio. I will leave it on the sidewalk for you.


1.31.2005

I had the BEST WEEKEND EVER!

~I got locked in my apartment from the ice storm because I moved into an apartment that has a huge hill to get in and out.

~I ran out of beer and had to walk down said hill while falling on my ass 3 times and sliding down the hill standing up 4 times.

~ I played drinking games all weekend.

~ For some reason Melanie and I thought rabbit stew would be fun.... ***this is probably the worst idea we have ever had**** While it was cooking the smell of vomit filled the apartment that we were trapped in.... I still don't know if the stew really smelled that bad or if Melanie REALLY did gag at the look of it. Also it was all we had to eat in our apartment so we had to suck it up and eat it.

~I woke up to the ice melting away and decided to leave and get out for awhile after being locked in all weekend and realized that someone admired my car radio SO much that they knocked my window out to get it.


1.27.2005

Things that suck:

~ suicidal clients
~ having to rush to class from work
~ my boring Thursday class
~ having to rush to my boring Thursday class while I am trying to talk to a suicidal client.
~ getting stuck in traffic after class when I should be at home and running to free beer
~ Having to take a 3 minute shower so I can get to free beer
~ getting stuck in traffic and only having time for a 1 minute shower
~ getting home and realizing I have no water
~ goign to free beer with "the homeless" on me
~ having all your friends run late too
~ driving yourself to free beer, drinking a shit load and then having to drive by Braille home.

Hope you all had a GREAT day too!

1.25.2005

JOB AND A MIDGET

Today has made the top 5 of my favorite days of my life.....

I had decided today was the day that I was going to sit down in the directors office to lay it down for him that my internship was ending and i was going to be looking for employment. I have been stressing this since I very badly want to be hired on where I work now. I went in this morning and sat down and started ...

"I will be done in March and wanted to give you a heads up to fill the position in the next month because I will be seeking post grad employment but I need you to know you all have first dibs on me..."

He cut me off and said "why are you seeking employment, do you really think that we are going to let you go? I already have a position waiting on you to finish your internship"

F'KING WHOO F'NING HOO!!!!!

Then to top that off, while I was doing intake today someone called me and said "I am an addict in search of a program...." He went on with the same shpeel everyone gives and then he said "will it matter that I am ............

------I swear to all that is good this really happened-----

that I am a little person"

OMG TODAY ROCKS MY FACE OFF..... A job AND a midget!!!.... are you kidding me!!!????!!!!!
Is the page fixed for those of you useing FireFox????

Anyone?
Bueller?

1.23.2005

THIS MEANS WAR!!!

I thought I was all smooth by swapping out the puffy toilet seat with Deuces toilet. I thought he would be too lazy to retaliate or maybe that he loved me too much to hold it against me. I was wrong! Apparently, he hates puffy toilets as much as I do.

This weekend we had everyone we know over for a party. Sure that is only like 10 people, but that is a lot to us. All night long I was telling the girlfriends of all my guy friends, that I don't know too well, to use my bathroom since it was cleaner in a gesture to be a good host. Towards the end of the night I went in my bathroom and on the counter, IN PLAIN SITE ALL BY ITSELF, was the Silicone Duo Wireless Couples Kit. This is pretty much a vibrating cock ring, and every one here had gone in and seen it. This must have looked fantastic to everyone there that didn't know me all that well.

THE WAR IS ON MY FRIEND!!!!

1.21.2005

ONE PERSONS COMPLIMENT IS ANOTHERS INSULT

Last night while sitting with a friend he says"Damn your hot", and I replied "and DAMN you sane". I think he was looking for another reply since he stared at me for a good 30 seconds with the "what the hell does that mean" look on his face. I wish people appreciated the development of sanity.

1.20.2005

I moved over the weekend into my new huge apartment. It is pretty cool besides the fact that I am used to my studio where I can see everyone at any time, and now I get all lonely when I go to my room, and I also get separation anxiety when I come out of the kitchen and Deuce is not there. He will get up to go to his room and I freak out that he has died, but I am sure I will get used to that.

The roommate war has also already begun. When we moved in there was a puffy toilet seat on my toilet. I think puffy Toilet seats are the most disgusting thing ever. There are like little foam circles that catch everyone's ass germs and stores them. So while Deuce was at work I stealthily swapped out the toilet seats. It took him 2 days to come running out of his bathroom laughing his ass off. I asked what was wrong and he said "The weirdest thing just happened, I sat down on the toilet and it went 'ffssshhhh'". The best thing about him is that he didn't even want to swap it back, he wants to somehow sneak into Melanie's apartment a switch hers.