{Subliminal Silence}
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
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11.30.2003

3 FOR 3

Diana has been here 3 nights, and all 3 nights have been fun as hell.

Friday: We go to a club, and while waiting for it to open it is so cold that we slip into a gay bar that happens to have Kareoke going, where we witness a man with a mullett and taped jeans and bright white velcro shoes singing show tunes. Now as if this were not fantastic enough, my friend Will got up there and sang "Stir it up" in front of the gay community and in the middle of his solo a cop walks in and he starts dancing up on the cop while singing the words "stir up the cop".
Then we made it to the club that I swear to god was like being at "8 Mile", but we ended up having a very good time trying to be hip hop.

Saturday: We went to a comedy show of a friends cousin. Who also happens to be in the cast of SNL, named Finesse. He was damn funny. Then we went out after to a bar where...... I met my future husband.

Story goes as this: Diana and I are sitting at the bar allowing 2 gay men to hit on us and all the sudden I see this boy walking by. He is about 6"5', awesome glasses, jeans a button down shirt nicely untucked with an old sports coat. He was a bit Maude looking, and totally my type. So I interrupt the guys talking to us and tell Diana to grab the guy as he is walking by. She does and I leave the two guys and go talk to new boy. He is my type to a tee. So my friends want to leave and he says "I am not good on the phone but I really want your email address"... that is so geeky, I love it.

So, BY THE TIME I GOT HOME, there was already an email from him. Oh yea I think we might be smitten with eachother.

BEST LINE OF THE WEEKEND:

"I was dating a Jewish guy, so my "toy" is really cheap"

11.28.2003

STRANGE

That's what you call hanging out with a friend that you have had since preschool, when you have not seen them in 5 years. FANTASTIC is also a word that could be used to describe it. So Diana is here. She got in last night and due to weather, it was later than we had thought so we had nowhere to eat thanksgiving, so we went to Boston Market and ordered way too much food and came home and chowed and drank a lot of wine. GOOD TIMES.

Today we got up and went out in town and while she was trying to show me and a friend how exactly she had fallen in public one time she went and kicked me and then seriously fell in the middle of the street. Her glasses flew across the sidewalk, and her purse went airborne. Probably the funniest thing I have seen in the longest time. And the best part is a guy down the street saw it too because when we walked by he said "see you next fall". It is so strange when I am not the one making a fool of myself. HOLY SHIT, I HAVE MISSED HER. We have been talking about all the friends we have, who have fallen, (yes as in they are dead) one being an ex boyfriend of mine (All you from high school stop and think about Brian for a minute), and it is really sad. I have not missed him this much in a long time, but we ran across a picture of me and him and it really is sad that drugs can be so bad. Still it SO amazing that both of Diana and I have come to be what we are, I think the odds might have been against us.

Anyway, enough sadness.... having a great weekend and it is strange to hang out with someone from so long ago. I can not even think of hiding something from her, because she will call me on my bullshit in a minute, and this is incredibly refreshing. She even called me on the amount of people I have jumped in the sack with, damn that is a good friend. But hey she is floating the same number boat as me, so no hurt feelings, we are very attractive girls.

Tonight, we are going to find boyfriends.... because did i mention she might move here. :)

11.27.2003

THE WONDER YEARS IN ON 2 EPISODES EVERY DAY AT 12! How did I not know this? Life really is worth living!

Thanksgiving Gone Array:


I am shaking it like a Polaroid picture, (alright alright alright alright alright alright) and eating Altoids for my big meal. And screaming at the TV because DAMMIT, WHY DOES ET HAVE TO GO HOME EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I SEE THIS MOVIE? JUST ONCE ET, STAY HERE! The only thing more pathetic about my day would be if I stopped on a scrambled channel and watched it solely for the porn music. Which by the way I am not going to admit to doing. (but I might have)

There is nothing wrong with this right?

And what noone can call and say happy thanksgiving?...FINE THEN.

11.26.2003

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I am going to take this opportunity to give thanks. This year I have quite a few things to be thankful for:

* Melanie- nuff said

* The HOV (High occupancy vehicle) Lane on the Atlanta interstate.
* Mariah Carey did not release an album this year, so I did not have to hear her squaky voice over played on the radio.
* GA State University for accepting me into their program so I could spend day after day learning things I don't care about and hindering me from ever having a social life. But hey I am gonna be educated.
* The fact that Brad and I have been able to continue communicating even though he just moved roughly 4373.86 miles away. That boy is truly one of my best friends, you all only wish you could know a better guy. (did I mention I have a pretty dirty crush on his dad).
* Neal for even though I think I have screwed him over countless times for some ass hole, still continues a friendship with me. Sure he can be an ass too but that can definitely be over looked.
* The fact that I was able to give out a few good byes that were long over due. Not necessarily wanted but needed. (that's right everyone, THE BOY no longer exists to me, out of my phone and I don't know his number by heart. Good bye old friend)
* The person that actually taught me that I do have emotions and that it is not ok, thus making me woke harder on closing myself off. (this is a blessing in disguise, I just know it)
* That same person that also made me realize it is possible someone out there thinks I am as cool as do, and is possibly just not saying it, which gives me a little bit of hope.
* corduroy for being so prevalent in my life. I LOVE YOU MAN!
* The fact that I have no friends that live in the same state as me. This gives me more time to get stuff done. (ok really no this sucks huge. I thought i would try to put a possitive spin on it)
* Central heat and air, Although we are brand new friends, I think we are life long friends.
* All you people that got married too young and are miserable, that make me feel good about being single.
* George Bush , for sending one of my best friends away to war and stopping a situation that might of gotten out of hand with us before I had a chance to ruin another friendship. Although, I might throw one, again, for the American team when he gets home. (OH YEA, SCREW YOU GEORGE, BRING MY FRIEND HOME!)
* Mullets for giving me laughing fits time and time again.
* Kristin for bring up a dirty high school memory I had forgotten every single time I talk to her.
* The 4 of you that leave me comments here. You all must know how comments make me happy and are apparently the only ones concerned about my happiness.
* El Caminos- for giving me the opportunity to slap Melanie in a little game we call "El Camino Lovin" (although I just made the name up)
* Free Beer, If it were a boy I would marry it.
* Flannel worn out sheets.... even if noone else wants to sleep with you are always there, and although I take you for granted I need you to know I appreciate you.
* Dave Matthews for getting married and finally stopping the obbsessive "I LOVE YOU MARCI" phone calls, and 3am knocks on the door

I am sure there is more I am thankful for... and if I missed it I will be sure to mention it in my 2003 Recap, where by the way I will hold nothing back. Sorry guys that know me, this is the way it has to be. Those that think you know me, might be shocked. Details and names might be dispensed, this gives you all I have dirt on a full month to send me presents, to save yourself. Bribery does work.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

***Never Ever Casually Bang A Good Friend***

Especially if you don't have many friends to spare. You see what will happen is, you will finally have this friend you are actually comfortable talking to about the going ons in your life, as opposed to the idol banter that you dispense to people you are not close to at all and then naturally it turns into a sexual thing and the other person will see it as SOLELY a sexual thing and forget you were good friends too. After this, you have lost your friend. This will suck big time and in dealing with the situation the other person will treat it as a "bang gone bad" and forget the whole friendship part, which will leave you pretty much dicked over by someone you came to trust enough to talk to. (Which sucks so much worse than being dicked over by a bang)

---------------------------------------------------------



ok so I just spent the longest time posting a long as hell post and by the time I got to the end, I realized that it was not fun to read, although it had a good point. Maybe i will try again in the morning.

11.25.2003

Can someone please tell me why I am listed on the sex diet. I want to know more so why I am listed on the Partner Getting Fat page.

What is this world wide web trying to tell me?

11.24.2003

So tonight I go out looking for a book I need for class... I go to 4 bookstores and no one has it. That is not the bad thing. The bad part is that I had to look in the "Self Help" section of 4 bookstores and ask for help in 4 bookstores. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be a stable female, searching that section in a book store with so many potential men?

And the strange part is, I ended up coming home with nothing but a pack of condoms, when i was out trying to buy a book and I don't even have a boyfriend, How does this happen?

Now it is Fear Factor Family and the absent father with his bastard son just almost won, and they are both on my nerves. The father wants to meet the kids friends moms, and the little bastard thinks he is hot shit or something, and maybe the next Eminem. News flash kid, all the girls hate you! But good for this dad to pick 3 days in the kids life to act like a father. But they got beat by 2 girls. I think the message of the show tonight is that, the assholes of the world will get screwed eventually.

But I could not help but think of me and my dad doing the show. When I was this age I was running 10k road races with him and doing 15 mile bike races. My dad and I would have won HANDS DOWN, and we would have been entertaining, because he would have been using foul language and yelling at me when he thought I was not living up to the son I should have been.

and

dear joe millionaire,
You are a loser and although i never watched the show I did see you get crushed... and sorry to say I laughed my ass off at you. You "will never meet another girl like Linda", and you are upset becuase she is a money hungry greedy whore?
Here's some advice, get a job.
Oh but wait in the end she came back to you, it really must be LOVE!
Love, Marci
Today on MARTA I met my sole mate. That's right we were both wearing Blue All Stars that were falling apart. And we flirted with eye contact a few times. And then when I got off the train and got on the escalator, he waved and smiled. At that point I realized he had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, and then I got to thinking.... every guy I have ever dated has had brown eyes. I think I need to venture out of the brown zone.

Anyway, I am going to obsessively check Craig's List missed connections and wait for him to locate me, we are sole mates after all.

You: blue Chuck's, jeans.
Me: Burgundy Sweater, jeans, green shoulder book bag, reading "Set this house in order" by Matt Ruff.

FIND ME!
You ever have that feeling that you are so happy you could explode? Yea that one, that is me right now. Seriously, an elephant could come take a shit in my apartment and I would laugh at him and offer him some cookies right now, only I don't have any cookies and my apartment is so small it would have to be a baby elephant. And in class I blew coke out my nose. Really the last time I did that I was in high school at lunch with Kristin and I think we might have been stoned. OH WAIT, lunch in high school... OF COURSE we were stoned. But today it happened totally sober watching me and Melanie on tape in class. Then I proceeded to disrupt the class and laugh for the next 8.256 minutes. It was one of those trying not to breath to help yourself stop laughing because you should not be laughing, gut wrenching, face turning red, and finally break and snort really loud laughing times. Yea that was me in class today. I finally gave up and left at break, and came home.

And on my way home the world smelled like Christmas trees and BBQ. Can you name a better smell? I didn't think so.

Who wants to come hang out with me?
Today it is dark cold and rainy. When I had a job and not school, THE BOY would call and tell me he was on his way to my town to spend the day and I would skip out on work, stay home and watch tv all day and beat eachother up, eat crackers, argue about religion, and snuggle because I did not have any heat. Those were good days. Being old and responsible sucks more every day.

11.23.2003

I just realized I only have 38 days left in this year and I had sworn I was going to become an astronaut this year. Does anyone know where I can find a fast paced information packed course on how to be an astronaut? Next year I am going to have to get on top of this resolution early.... DAMN PROCRASTINATION!
Just talked to my friend Diana about all the people we know getting married.

D: Yea Marci I think we need to face it that we are going to be 35 and still single.
M: Um yea, I already know that, but the thing that sucks is all the men will be married or divorced by then and I hate both those things. I think maybe you need to realize we will still be 40 and single too.
D: I swear to god if that happens I will just move back in with my parents.
M: Shit we will already be half way into to the grave I guess we could just move in with parents and fully jump in the coffin.

She will be here on Thanksgiving Day to see me. Excited? EXTREMELY (been 5 years in coming)

After that, I talk to one of my best friends, who moved to Alaska, Brad, and he informed me the weather has gotten to -13 degrees. HOLY SHIT... everyone send good thoughts, because I am almost positive weather like that would kill me and I would hate to have a friend that died from cold. (Can you think of a lamer way to die?. I would really hate to have to disown him after his death for his lameness.) But I think he is going to come to ATL in January for A WHOLE WEEK, and will be here on a free beer night. I think he needs me anyway, he informed me that Alaskians might not be the funniest of people. This is probably becuase they are all half dead from the cold.

I really have so many things to look forward to, and you might not know but Anticipation is my favorite of all emotions. Sometimes, everything after the anticipation sucks but I have a feeling both these events will be fantastic.


11.22.2003

Today I saw the movie Elf.... well it was fantastic, and I feel all dirty because there is a scene where Will Ferrell dances, and although I have never found the man attractive, at that moment in the theater, I turned to Melanie and said "Holy shit why is this making me all hot" the reply...."um Marci, do you see how cool he is". So she approves, and I think he might be my new secret boyfriend. WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE TO BE NAMED WILL? when will i learn?

I also had the worst dinner I have ever had in my entire life tonight. But that might have been really fun too. Now I have to get up at 6:00am to take her ass to the airport. So maybe it is bed time.
I have this neighbor, we'll call him Bryan, and he might be cool as hell. Last night Melanie and I drank a bit and then grabbed "Microphones" and we sang Kareoke for a few hours. In the middle of it we thought "Hey lets go get Bryan", and he came over and we threw a paper towel roll at him and he sang with us. How many of you would have jumped in that fast, and not judge the fact that we MIGHT be pathetic?

Oh we also did my video taped counseling session for class while drinking and I think this is my best tape yet. Do you think my teacher is going to mind the princess hat Melanie is wearing? Or the fact that when the session is over she screamed out .."ROCK ON"?

11.21.2003

Things Melanie has informed me this weekend:

"I don't think you are as dirty and messy as you think you are."

"You see that woman over there, the one with the camel toe, and the perm, and the tapered jeans and the luggage she calls a purse. That is going to be you , Marci"

Chili + Hangover = bad combination.

That she likes naps. (it is 7:30 on Friday and she is "napping")

She is jealous of my tiara. (that I fixed by the way) so much so that we had to go buy her one.

She would rather see me impaled by a log and have to carry to me to safety, than to have a man with jerry curl juice sleep in her bed.
I would tell you about last night, but that might be a bit confusing for you. Some highlights are a friend I don't ever remember banging saying "Remeber when we banged". Melanie thinking the best way to pee outside is sideways on a hill. Waiting for the cops to move away from our drunk friends car so he could drive home. Sitting at a bar and never once realized it was gay night, til we left. THE BOY calling Melanie. I broke up with a new boy before I even went out with him, becuase he wore Harry Potter glasses.

Good times Good times!

11.20.2003

Ok so I have 4 tickets to the Screening of a new independent movie, 21 Grams. It is supposedly named for the 21 grams of weight everyone looses at the moment of death. It is next Tuesday night and I need 3 people to go with.

As luck would have it that guys over at Enhanced Shenanigans equal the number 3. I would ask them to go with me, but I am not sure I can take much more rejection out of them. And I am not too sure the movie isn't a chick flick even though it does not look like one. It has Naomi Watts and rumor has it she gets naked and she is hot, so maybe they will go with me. AND it is rated R for language, sexuality, violence and drug use. Did you all hear that, I said VIOLENCE and SEXUALITY and DRUG USE. So this does not sound to chick flick to me.

I really don't want to waste these tickets. If they do end up wanting to go with me, I will have to make sure they leave the digital camera at home. I am all proud that they talk about all these embarrassing pictures they have of everyone and I know they have none of me.

11.19.2003

It has been so long since a tv show has rocked my face off the way SMALLVILLE did tonight. And to end the greatness with Johnny Cash doing my favorite NIN song... OH MY GOD.....

A question though.... I never read comic books so I am uncertain as to why I like Lex so much more than Clark.... Can someone tell me why? And I am not talking about how I want to rub that bald head and do dirty things to him, because I kinda want to do that to Clark too (he is taller than 6'3"), I need to know about the characters.
Why you should run out this minute and get Fool On the Hill.

"tell me what the price is? You are perfect, You look perfect, and you came to me out of nowhere. So I need to know the price. Is it death?" George said.

She laughed "You're already in love with me George. Why bother being curious? Even if it meant your death, you couldn't help your feelings."

"So will it mean my death?"

"It might. Oh you won't die on my account, though you might prefer it. We'll be lovers for a time, and I'll teach you a few things to set another few in motion. When my job is done I'll leave, without a warning and then you'll want to die, but HE won't let you, not then".

"HE?" George asked.

"The Storyteller, you are caught in his Daydream, George".

And, NO ... it is not a sappy love story, it is a fairy tale with dogs and cats looking for heaven to bring back a friend, and little sprites looking to free caged animals and bring daydreams to humans, and a master story teller that writes as he goes, and Bohemians looking for what is right, and journeys that match that of Tolkien only they are told like a Vonnegut or Tom Robbins style.

Seriously, I praise few books that I thoroughly enjoy, But this one is so good I had to say something.
Relationships- defined in the style of Marci
An intimate friendship with someone of the opposite sex that takes place ONLY in situations that nothing can or will ever come of it.

Can someone tell me if there is another definition?

I currently have 3 of these situations going on......
Boy #1. He thinks I am smart. Almost 6 years later, I refuse to let it go. (I will actually hang onto this one til I die probably)
Boy #2. He thinks I am beautiful, funny and can still make me smile. Dated him years ago and still talk and tonight he calls and says "I met a girl and she is so F'n cool, I mean I can't describe, it is like I can talk to her all night and not even really have to talk about anything and have a good time, It's just like talking to YOU." Yep I ruined this one years ago and he is going to live in Hawaii anyway. All I can do now is give him the thumbs up and wish him luck with the new girl. At least she is as cool as me.
Boy #3. He thinks I have nice tits. The one looking for cheap thrills that some how got me to a place where I get upset if I don't talk to him one way or another everyday. But cheap thrills is all it can be. So I can pretend that is all it is.

Is there a guy out there that can think all these and be available and be in close proximity to me and actually want to hang out time to time? Oh yea and fit the is List.
Yea, I didn't think so.

11.18.2003

I got home today and it has been another rough day. Ok so you all don't know I have been having rough days, but I have and will not go into all that but .... I am at a loss of how to actually cheer myself up so I walked in, dropped my books and kicked off my shoes, and then it came to me.... What I need is so freaking simple, as it normally is but when you are all down on yourself sometimes it is hard to see "simple".

So for the first 10 minutes... no kidding a full 10 minutes... I jumped on the bed! I jumped I til I was out of breath, wheezing actually, and then something broke. My bed is now a bit like Punky Brewsters bed now only it only tilts one way. This is like the 4th time I have broken a bed... get your mind out of the gutter. well for 2 of them keep it there, but this is now the 2nd bed I have broken being "stupid, fun, awsome, pathetic marci". That fact alone has put me in a better mood.
Filling some blanks:

First read
the funniest post ever.... I'll wait.

Ok so what Melanie forgot to mention is the fact that the poor guy could not find his passport and this made him get in even more trouble, he had shag carpet in his van, she was not thinking "what am I doing in this guys van with the venetian blinds"... we were actually talking to eachother about it while he was driving, we were so drunk we thought he was norwegian, and as we were stumbling along away from the van, the cop told us to stop because we might be publicly drunk and we just waved and said "goodnight" and kept walking. AND we continued to run into this guy for months after and always pretended we did not know him. BUT yes it is true we had a FANTASTIC TIME, being the oldest people at a frat party.

11.17.2003

Paul apparently thinks I am all lame and geeky..... Well guess what, I AM. I am sick of hiding my geekness, so I am announcing it to the world. I have tried to hide it long enough. I play it cool in public, you know, like I use words like "HOLLAH" and "YO" and I give daps, and do the "yo what's up" head tilt, and I were Doc Martins and Converse. But I have been found out and I am using this chance to come out to the world.

I do all this stuff to appear cool but then when I get home and noone is looking, I put in the pocket protector, and study the periodic table while doing the robot to the Sound track of Who Want To Be A Millionaire (the first track being my favorite only after the one by regis). But I have to make sure to keep things on schedule so I don't do the robot through Stargate SG-1, because that would throw my whole day off. And then I invite all my friends over and we play darts til 8:00 and then it is bedtime. Now that this is off my chest, I need to go get my planner ready for tomorrow.

And the best thing about this entire post is the fact that the Blogger spellcheck tried to change "Geekness".... to "Sexiness"..... I SHIT YOU NOT!
Dear Dr. Phil,

I understand that you take a lot of slack from a lot of people when all you are trying to do is make the world skinnier. I am so down with that. I do just have one thing to say. It seems you have taken over the world with this stuff and now to have it on your show EVERY SINGLE day gets boring. I would appreciate it if you would just bring them back when they are skinny. I think they are gross and do not care about progress, just results. Then today you went over the top.

I really thought I was going to vomit when you challenged them the do sprints on the track. I could not look away though, like it was a bad car wreck, with all that fat flailing left and right. I thought that was all I could handle and then after commercial break you put these huge people in bathing suits (third pict down) and made them play water volleyball. Jesus, Dr. Phil I think my cornea was burned off.

Please don't do this again,
Marci

11.16.2003

I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record!

I swear to god I feel like I am 16.... I have work to do and instead I am dancing around.... And I am even pretending that the Neighbor that won't quit banging on the wall, is my father upstairs in his office pounding on the floor, trying to get me to turn it down.

I take 1 1 1 'cause you left me
And 2 2 2 for my family
And 3 3 3 for my heartache
And 4 4 4 for my headaches
And 5 5 5 for my lonely
And 6 6 6 for my sorrow
And 7 7 for no, no, no tomorrow
And 8 8 I forget what 8 was for
And 9 9 9 for a lost god
And 10 10 10 10 for everything everything everything everything

If you don't feel 16 now too.... then there is something seriously wrong with you.


other news....
MY TIARA BROKE TODAY! What the hell am I going to wear while doing the dishes now?

Other other news....
I realized today I might be putting on the L-B's, because it seems Lenny Kravitz has stopped stalking me. Yes I really hated him stalking me but now that he is not, I feel like I might never have a stalker again. So I am getting up tomorrow and going swimming.

1 more other news.....
Be on the look out for the 4 horsemen. I think the apocalypse is coming soon. Yes that is right, a boy called and asked me out today. For real, someone finds me attractive, this has to be the 7th sign.
Dear boys of the world,

Just a few items of advice that can help you with that whole, "boy's are dumb" stereotype.

1. When you are banging a girl, and would like to continue banging her.... do not call her to tell her about your nose hair.
2. When you break up with a girl and return her things to her, DO NOT include underwear in the bag, because there is a huge chance those panties DO NOT belong to said girl and then you look like a huge ass.
3. If you do really think the panties are hers, check the size to be sure. Returning size small to a "healthier" girl can cause a backlash of emotion.
4. When a girl tells you something straight out, do not use the defense that you "Can't pick up on subtle hints".
5. When in the act of banging, do not use names..... then you don't have to fear the wrong one slipping out.
6. If you have a strange habit that might seem wired to others, ie. cleaning out your brush and storing your hair in a jar, keep it to yourself at all costs.
7. DO NOT mention the number of strippers you have slept with as an attempt to get a girl in bed.
8. NEVER NEVER NEVER proclaim that Titanic was your favorite movie.

These a just a few things that I think might help you all out.

Better luck next time,
Marci
So last night I was sitting here bored and lonely and I started thinking about my friend Kevin. He is in Iraq, or a surrounding area right now, that he can not disclose. He was a close friend of mine for about 3 or more years in my old city, and then about 5 moths before I was set to move to Atlanta, he was sent off to the war. He was seriously the greatest friend... he would come over at night and bring a book so he could read while I was watching TV. He didn't drink but he went out to the bar with me every Fri. and Sat. He also does not think the whole marriage thing is important, so we were able to laugh at those who did. Granted he would ruin my game with any guy I tried to talk to, because people said he was intimidating, but I never saw that side. Although I did try to beat him up once and I guess I can admit now that yes he could have kicked my ass. And he gave THE BEST hugs in the whole wide world. Well while I was sitting here thinking about him, I did what any lonely drunk girl would do in that moment.

I sent him a REALLY sappy, MISS YOU/COME HOME email. Now I am not the sappy kinda girl. It actually shocks me sometimes when it happens, but he sent a miss you tons one back this morning, and I got the warm fuzzies. At least now I know he is ok... and he misses me big like big bird too. The funniest part is that he gave me detailed instructions on what he wants me to have ready for him when he gets back. So you want to know what our soldiers are thinking about:

1. Scope out all of the cool party spots in Atlanta for when I return
2. Make sure you explore all of the often overlooked spots, and meet some freaks for me
3. Hook up in the literary and Arts scene as well, so we can be cool intellectual city folk
4. When I get home I hope to be as non-military as I can
5. Pray for a miracle so I can come home soon.

That is all he wants. I think I am going to email good ol' George Bush today and see if he can bring all our friends home.

11.15.2003

Today I went nuts.... its true, remember today's date.

The irrational thoughts have been flowing freely today, and it has just recently come to my attention that I have hit a new low.

First.... some thoughts from today:
1. Oh my god I am going to drop my keys in the sewer thingy, and then I am not going to know what to do. Marci, you are in your car... that is not happening
2. Hey, maybe it is not possible that anyone REALLY dies alone. Someone has to show up sooner or later. Marci, it happens all the time and you need to accept this will happen to you too.
3. My tiara makes me pretty. Marci, you look stupid right now
4. There is a knife inside the cushion on the couch and if I step up on the couch, I will slice my foot open. Marci, if there was don't you think you would have already found it.
5. People are going to know it is me on my anonymous blog. Marci, this is dumb.
6. Any second now someone is going to call and want to hang out. Marci, you really make me laugh.
7. I really am going to die of boredom. Marci, no but you might commit suicide over it.
8. I will just have ONE glass of wine. Marci, good try!
9. I am going to do my homework today. Marci, that is the biggest lie you have ever told.
10. OMG.... My parents are goign to show up. Wait, that really is going to happen... SHIT. i guess this one is rational

the second is......
Melanie calls and says what are you doing. That was it , just a simple question and I thought the answer was easy. But as it expelled out of my mouth we both agreed that things are not ok. My answer:

"Oh I am sitting here with a tiara on and watching Brittany Spears play in different clubs in NY on MTV.".... then a bit later.... i said "hey what channel is Mary Kate and Ashley Olens movie on"

Melanie was nice enough to point out that I have hit bottom, and the strange thing is I really had no clue, but the signs are all there.

I am postive there is a cure for this feeling and I think it is directly proportional with hearing from THE BOY tonight.

Oh well, at least I can remain in a good mood at rock bottom, that is kinda cool, maybe it is becuase there is more than one glass of wine down here at the bottom :)
I don't mean to show April up or nothing but....




OH YEA!... seems I did little in the 80's but listen to music

11.14.2003

Last night I had more fun drinking free beer than I ever have. I think it might be a direct correlation to the fact that none of my clothes matched. I mean not at all. So bad that every one there came up to me and told me. Ok, so maybe a brown and blue shirt, green cords, blue converse, a bright orange cardigan, and a rainbow cap don't all go together, but I was feeling very feng shui. Really I often doubted that colors can change your attitude, but I was all over the place talking to tons of strangers.

The best part was meeting Buddy, a cool dog, and when I finally noticed that Buddy had an owner, he was a bit cute, in the "Marci really likes guys on the bit nerdy side".... well he wanted my number before I left and he had no phone to put it in so he literally ran inside to get a pen and asked me to "please hang right here for just a minute". How funny when the guy gets all shy and doofy. He is not the secret boyfriend I had picked out for myself, but he will work. :)

Also, when in public, it is not advisable to say "I might be shallow but I don't think I would sleep with a paraplegic, I mean they can't really smack your ass".... not that i said that or anything.

11.13.2003

THE WORST DEFENSE MECHANISM EVER

Why is it, when some one else does something wrong, or someone is mean to me.... I will find a way to justify that it is my fault? Seriously, I can turn anything into me being a shitty, selfish person, even when I have actually done nothing wrong.

This changes today! F*ck off all you mean people..... it is no longer my fault you are miserable people. I now hate you and not myself. and by "hate" I mean that i dislike you right now, but we all know i will forget about it in 10 minutes.
Viagra works on spinal cord injured people. Good to know.

Tonight, free beer in the cold, gonna talk to THE BOY, gonna have plans for the weekend, Gonna forget about school work, and did I mention I am going to drink free beer.
JESUS, MARCI,

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO ASK QUESTIONS YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO.

11.12.2003

Today class took so long to end I had an 18 year old son named Herbert by the time class was over. This has happened a few times to me in life, I wish time would move forward all the time, or maybe choose to stop while I am doing something a bit more fun.

I took so long that I actually got so bored I forgot I was in class, and when the group presenting showed a therapy session from the 60's with the ugliest humans I have ever seen I looked up and yelled out "HEYS YOUS GUYS"..... In my defense the girl really did look like Sloth. And they were holding me against my will for like 305 years, but I did cause an outburst of Goonies trivia and quotes for about 5 minutes.... so I guess I can see why I got the "your in trouble" look from the professor.
Everyone needs to go give Melanie good comments today.... and me too. She is not coming home.... Pauvre. and by that I mean..... SH*T, MOTHER F*CKING GD, DONKEY HELL! I have threatened to beat some people up, but I guess she is playing the role of pacifist today. Now who am I going to spoon with this weekend?

11.11.2003

THE MOST FANTASTIC NEWS IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

Melanie has decided that she is homesick. And by that, I am sure all of you can read that she really misses ME. So after talking here out of jumping three floors off her balcony tonight, we came to the conclusion that she is coming home this weekend.
She wants to ride in a car... ok I can do that.
She wants to walk in grass... ok I can do that.
She wants to see a moon.... it is full now so I can do that too.
She wants to drink with me.... I can definitely do that.
She wants to spoon.... Can we do that? Who am I kidding.......

MELANIE IS COMING HOME FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

And one more thing.... I have a WTF situation going on in the personal life.... so read into what you will and tell me what to do. Yes, that means draw your own conclusions of what it is and tell me do it or not.
The number 1 ethical violation in counseling is have sexual relations with your clients. WOW.

I am sure none of these people mean to do this when they enter the field, it seems like it is an icky situation that might just happen, you know like sleeping with a married man or something. So it seems I need to find a steady, continuous outlet for this *Frustration* so I am never tempted..... So we have raised the alert to high.

Marci needs to find a steady SOON... looks like I need to get fat and ugly immediately. (you know because those are the girls that seem to be getting engaged)
Scene:

Marci is sitting on a wall on the side of the street in Downtown Atlanta, minding her own business, absorbed in Fool on the Hill.

Enter Japanese's man:

JM: You know that is a Beatles song.
His accent almost so strong I do not understand.
Marci: Um... no
(look back down and continue reading, notice the man does not walk away)
JM: Foooool on the Hill (in singing voice like he is the lost Beatle.)
M: Oh great.

Grab book and make exit.

WHY CAN"T I READ WITHOUT BEING BOTHERED..... come on guys you know I am too good to talk to the random guy on the street.
Ok a new site has been added. Some friends of mine, who took a month to hang out with me when I first moved to Atlanta, AND they stand me up for free beer, AND one of them gets all moody sometimes, I once dated one of them for a brief time freshman year in college, and one of them I have actually used the words "It was nice meeting you" after drunk night. BUT they are pretty funny, so go give them a few hits.

Disclaimer: their site is just started, so there is not much there.

11.10.2003

I just opened the dishwasher, but since my hands were wet, I let the door fall, and then bounce. This took me right back to when I was a kid and had to do the dishes (because you know, my title back then was "slave")..... Anyway, I used to get yelled at everyday for this simple little act, and when it happened just now, my heart stopped for a second and I cringed and turned around real fast to explain that I didn't mean to do it, waiting to get it, but noone was there.

OH MY GOD.... I am a grown up.

So what is your stupid little thing you got in trouble for over and over and over?
Dear Zonk Board,

SCREW YOU, I hate you and want you out of my life. I am not into prostitution and I think it is insane for you to ask me to pay for your services. I will find some one that will help me for free. THANKS FOR NOTHING!

GAME OVER,
Marci
So Paul did good friend/great friend not long ago, and now it is my turn to jump in:

good friend: crashes at your place and then gets up quietly, and leaves without waking you up.

Great friend: Crashes at your place, gets up quietly, turns the channel to 90210, grabs the garbage to take out on his way, and leaves. And in the mean time introduces you to a friend that invites you over to have dinner cooked for you.

11.09.2003

I just changed out of my cords and into my tank and boxers, a process I do everyday, But this time while doing it I said "I am going to change into my jammies".... And all the sudden the process sounded SO much more fun.

11.08.2003

I think I have just made a crucial decision. THIS IS BIG..... I think I just determined I want to have a kid. You see, the garbage smells bad and I just had to do dishes and clean my own apartment, and I think I need to give up on my midget slave idea, because people tell me it is inhumane or something like that, so I think I need a kid to do the slave labor around here. That is what they are for right? I could always kick them out and get another one when they got to tall.
Dear Cillian,

I just saw you in 28 days later, and besides being in a rock my face off movie, I also found my self oddly attracted to you. I am not talking as in the "I saw him and thought he was good looking" way. No I think I am talking more along the "HOLY JESUS, I WANT TO CLIMB UP AND DOWN THIS BOYS BODY AND DO REALLY NAUGHTY THINGS AND HAVE HIS BABIES". I did struggle with your hair, but you wised up and cut in the beginning, so I can not hold that against you. This is not meant to sound psycho, but I did find my self wanting to lick the screen a few times, and I might have even talked dirty to you for a good bit of the movie. I also think it might be a bit odd, that even when you were covered in blood, I still wanted to do dirty things. Is that SO bad? I just felt I needed to get my feelings out there and give you a chance to respond. Hope to see you soon.

the non-psychotic,
Marci

11.07.2003

This post is for Jehred and all the other angry drunks tonight. Rant on my friend, Rant on...... and give me 2 hours and I will be right here with you. I bet I can out bitch you, but we will see. game on---->
"Sometimes there are just not enough rocks"

and by rocks I mean hard objects to hurl in your general direction.

and that is all I have to say about that.
Sitting outside a bit ago and talking to a friend, he says "remember that night you didn't know me but we went to a concert and you almost wet our pants on the bus". It is awesome when people remember you for you good points.
Do I do homework or go rent Little Nemo? That is today's big question. I am busy tonight, and Sunday night and maybe tomorrow, so maybe I should get the homework out of the way, but little nemo will make me happy.

OH the problems of modern life!

11.06.2003

I really have screwed some stuff up that I thought I had fixed but apparently I am facing the repercussion of it. The big reasons things ended with THE BOY, was because I said something about him scaring me, and then we worked through it and then tonight he calls and is out drinking with professors and says he needs a favor. He is close to my house and drunk and doesn't want to drive drunk all the way to his place so he asks if he can STAY ON MY COUCH. What is that.... for 6 years it has been understood that he has a spot in the bed, but apparently he is reluctant to show up here drunk now. Thing is, I love it when he shows up here in the middle of the night, but now I get the phone call for permission, and then he throws in the ever so cautious, "ON THE COUCH". I guess the days of him crawling in bed in the middle of the night and going to sleep next to me are over and it is my fault. DAMN IT.

Seems i am screwing quite a few things up lately, oh well I am not going to dwell on any of them.
I am so bored right now I am thinking maybe I need to go get Herpes. At least then I would have a guy to hang out with and I could ride horses and maybe even kayak.
Confession from who I was: (long overdue)

1. Once my friend Kristin (the funny one that appears in the comments sometimes) distracted our honors English teacher while I swiped a disk off her desk ran to the yearbook room opened and printed the exam and put the disk back. Someone saw me and rumor got out that the exam was out there and the teacher ended up hearing it, and since she loved Kristin and I, (once she gave us her car to go buy pot in the getto, she thought we were going to the store), We convinced her it was a little black kid we hated that took the exam. Hey honors kids are SMART, would you expect less from us. Oh and we got a copy, again after she announced she had changed it.

2. Mom, That was me who wrote all over the walls in my closet. It was not the midget that lived there as I had told you it was.

3. Once Kristin and I were skipping class in the bathroom and I was sitting on the window sill and all the sudden I heard glass break and realized I had sat back to far and THE GD WINDOW BROKE ON ME. Kristin and I hauled ass and got busted on the way out of the bathroom and we said "we were coming to find you, there are some freshman outside and they are throwing things at the window and broke it".... The funny thing is they got in trouble although all the glass fell OUT the window not in it.

4. I once had a job where I sat in a cube for 2 years, occasionally I got up........... and then I would go sit more, and that is pretty much all I did.

5. I once got Melanie to do a "Cement Mixer" shot in public, (for those of you who don;t know it is a shot in two parts and when they meet in the mouth they solidify, rather nastily) and then I laughed when she got mad.

6. I once took a hit of acid before my highschool graduation. (what the hell)

7. Once I worked at a hotel and went out with the guests and even.... you know, with one of them. But my boss knew and thought it was good PR. She was totally my pimp.

8. One time Kristin and I took a guy from a party we had just met and went swimming at a random pool and then were late getting home, so we went as far as we could with the guy and then made him get out on the side of the road. We had to stop and get our underwear off the antenna were we had been trying to dry them anyway. (Now this sounds stupid to you all, but remember this was the grunge age with LOTS of drugs, and when we talk about it, it is funny as hell)

Wow, I might miss the young marci a bit, I don't think there is even a trace or her left.
This morning I put on my tiara from Halloween and cleaned up my apartment. That is normal right?

11.05.2003

I had a great day! Started out great, got rocky early on, and then continued with greatness. Will not bore with details, but know i am in a good mood and the weekend starts now. Oh and the papers I stressed about, OH YEA THOSE WERE A's. This school stuff is a breeze.

So, who is coming over to drink? I have nothing to do tomorrow so we can stay up all night and drink and get drunk and then go do random asks of "WTF?" (you know like stealing my neighbors dog)
You know what kicks ass?

When someone you consider a pretty good friend comes out and tells you what he thinks of you in 6 words or less. It is cool when he can say that he thinks I am stupid, that he thinks I am clueless, and that he thinks I am a whore, and is able to do so in 6 words. That is awsome man.

You wanna know what doesn't kick ass?

When you really have a few things to say but maturity, and brains gets the best of you and you keep your mouth shut. I gues we can add weak to list now too.
"see, i have this boyfriend, who, you know, has me for a girlfriend and then kind of, you know, has a wife too"

Ever think about Bangin' a Married Man?

Don't.

But this is damn funny. I am not laughing at her pain so much as kinda feelin' for her, an finding humor in it. She is pretty funny, and *IF* I was bangin a married man..... I would write it a bit differently, but her humor is on point.

Maybe I need an anonymous blog for my sorrid personal life. if you all come across an anonymous "bangin atlanta", don't blow my cover.
It's raining! This is fantastic. I am going to stand on the sidewalk and play in puddles ALL DAY, well except the 5 hours i am in class. I finally got some sleep and i am ready to raise some hell and cause anarchy, sing in the rain, dance down the street. maybe even eat some food. And i might even trip some kids and laugh when they get all wet. GOOD DAY GOOD DAY

11.04.2003

Did Marci have a good day? Well let's see.

4:00 am: Go to bed
7:44am: wake up to noises on computer, it's ok I have stuff to do
8:00: Realize I can not register because school does not have medical records
8:00-8:30- rapidly speed dialing parents. (Due to them thinking call waiting is evil, don't get through)
8:30: send dad an email marked URGENT get mom off phone
8:31: realize my presentation sucks
8:34-9:00: get ready
9:01- 10:00: try to spruce up presentation and get ahold of mom, see previous post
10:00: Leave to find Kinkis so I can spend $13 making copies for my class
10:20-10:33: return realizing you forgot your phone
10:33-11:15: Get to MARTA station, realize you forgot note cards and return home AGAIN. Drive back to MARTA and sit in traffic
11:15-12:45: try to not think about the fact that I am in the real life dream where you show up to class and you are unprepared.
12:45-1:00: Fight the technology in the class room and finally get my powerpoint going
1-2:40: give really bad presentation
2:45-3:45: sit in the client until name called and realize that the date of my second MMR is not on form. Call Mom, AGAIN, almost cry from stress and conversation, walk back into clinic an pull my sleeve up and say "ok I have already had this but stick me again, and then release me to register. Pay $40.
3:48-4:00: Call a friend to complain and start talking about sex.
4:00-4:10: Go register, realize I am closed out of 2 mandatory classes. And take a night class even thought the streets of down town ATL are a bit intimidating at 10pm
4:30-7: Class, not too bad
QUICK BREAK IN CLASS: return mom phone call to apparently talk about my constitutinal rights with immunization.
7-7:45: Ride home with two people from class that... well I would have rather not have
7:45: Home look up what to do about class schedule
8- relies only option is to go from 4:30 -10pm Tuesday and Wednesday
8:03: as I am still pouting about school schedule knock on door, open it, two men in suits (I swear this happened, the timing could not have been better) say "would you like to save you soul"
8:05: Stop staring at them with disgust and say "if that involves having sex with edward norton, count me in"
8:06: They don't laugh, I close door.
THE END

Did you see how I did not mention food at all. I am eating a piece of toast and that is all I have.

Some good points: Someone told me I should be a stand up comic today and that is cool, and the day is done. THANK EDWARD
Why is my family crazy? Who knows.

franatic phone call made this morning needing my medical records FAST:
me: Mom I need to start by saying I am really stressed out and while I normally look for a fight to make me feel better, I am trying real hard to talk calmly right now.

mom: Well marci I never want to fight

me: That is not the point, I need my immunization records and I have already been closed out of half the classes i need
mom: Well go to the health department
Me: I know you have them, can dad fax them
mom: Well I am cooking breakfast and you know how your dad is, He thinks that stuff is stupid.
Me: (biting my lip)... MOM I KNOW you keep those. This is REALLY important.
mom: Well you moved out a long 8 years ago marci, you should keep your own stuff.
Me: Once again mom besides the point.
Mom: I guess I will go crawl around the attic and be late for an appointment so I can appease you.
Me: FANTASTIC, give them to dad and I will call him later. (snicker)
mom: CLICK

NICE

11.03.2003

AH I have finally gotten back in the groove of being a student.

I have a 1 hour presentation due tomorrow at 1 and here it is 12:00 the night before and all I can do is laugh that I am not even half done. Really, there is not one once of stress in this body. I seem to feel fine chatting online and reading blog even though this is 50% of my grade. Why am I laughing so hard about this?

I would like to officially welcome back the old marci, I was all work conscious and responsible for too long. I don't know why it took me so long to see that things WILL get done. I think we will have a beer to celebrate.

UPDATE: 3:30am. I am almost done, but i am bred of sitting here by myself typing so I am getting up at early.
Voice inside head: "Yea right Marci, we'll see about that"

I HAVE GREAT NEWS!

My oldest best friend in the world might be coming to see me for thanksgiving, meaning I will not be spending it alone. I have known her since preschool. We ate apple sauce together, got in trouble at nap time for talking too much, she still has pictures of me from when my mom still dresses me (HORRID STUFF), and we played on the slide together. Then later in life we did drugs together, snuck out of the house together, tore up eachothers houses when our parents were out of town, we also cleaned the houses after everyone left picking up all incriminating things (except for that one mysterious condom neither of us has ever owned up to), we picked up boys together (back when it was ok that they were dumb), dyed our hair together, we cut class together, and we denied begin stoned together. And now, I think we will get really drunk together, since I think boys are too dumb and don't do drugs, maybe we can eat apple sauce too. What ever it is, it will be a story you should start getting excited about hearing now, I just have a feeling.

Still to this day she knows EVERYTHING about me, in some cases, she has done worse things, and in some I have done worse so we don't judge, we just make fun. Nothing is held back from her.We still talk about every weekend, but we have not seen eachother in about 5 years, and the last time I saw her I had taken 5 friends home with me to FL for Spring Break so my time was dispersed over everyone. Now she is coming here to my new stomping ground and I have no friends to take away for her, and I will have no classes the 5 days she will be here.
I am so hungry and all I can think about eating is one of those scooby doo sandwiches, I am going to starve today because nothing else is going to sound good

11.02.2003

One time, I went to Six Flags and my friend Melanie purposely sneezed I my face and then later that same day, a bug flew in my eye and stayed there until a boy could pick it out.
Before everyone logs on Monday and sees that things are back on with THE BOY, and I get all the IM's and emails about what an idiot I am... I have a few things to say.

I am not an idiot, although it appears I am a total masochist on the matter, but the point here is I am happy with the choices I make, and I realize it is my fault when things fall apart all over again. There is very little that I do not like about THE BOY. We have survived almost 6 years, 3 changes/loss of phone numbers, and 4 unknown changes of addresses, and somehow we seem to find eachother every single time.
and I like that:
He smiles when he looks at me
He has NEVER once told me that "my tits are great" or that I "have a nice ass". He has, however, told me how smart He thinks I am (and I think that is a better compliment than commenting on body parts that are going to look worse over the years)
He thinks I am smarter than him, when everyone that has met him knows he is a freaking genius and my smarts don't even compare
He is well read on almost everything
He is serious about what he doing,
He is determined and education is more important to him than most people,
He is oblivious to most social norms and standards,
the only tie he owns is polyester,
He calls me 'Marz' (which pretty much only my really old friend call me) and when I get in trouble he says "MARRRRZ",
He makes fun of me,
when another guy starts talking to me, he stares away and does not do that big jealous boy thing, although if he sees I don't want the guy talking to me he will interrupt by kissing me,
He beats me in chess almost every time,
He "doesn't understand time"
I just generally hate things when I think I am never going to hear from him again.

With that said, Yes, I hate that he freaks out a bit and hauls ass, I hate that he thinks on one track a lot of times and avoids the big picture, and I hate that we barely ever see eachother. But it seems I like a lot more than I hate, and the point is is to "Find the one we hate the least".

So now feel free to criticize me and my choices, but this time I might make a few observations about your life, just to spice things up. GAME ON!

11.01.2003

If you did not party it up at a children's Science museum, get beyond trashed and ditch your friends to come home with someone and wake up in the morning only to realize your friend is there and you are butt ass naked, it is possible YOU DID NOT CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN!

Last night me and 2 guys went to Scitrek, where they had about 15 open bars so you never had to wait in line and free food. The place was huge, music was good and there were totally toys everywhere to play with. If you know me, you know that this was SO much fun for me.
Some Highlights: 1. I walked up to the energizer Bunny and noticed he had a really small drum and I said "Hey man, I am not trying to insult your man hood or nothing but shouldn't that be bigger". He walked away. 2. The super Troopers walked in and while they were standing in front of me I said "Why the hell am I SO attracted to them right now?" At this point the 3 guys step forward to talk to me and my friend Will says "Um because you are a shallow Bitch and you can see yourself in those glasses."... I said "OH YEA" and the 3 guys walked away. 3. My friend Will running around saying "HOLY SHIT I AM THE ONLY BLACK MAN HERE NOT WORKING" 4. A pretty hot guy dressed as Winnie the Pooh, and i asked if i could hug him adn then everytime he walked by after that he tackeled me. I think Winnie the Pooh wanted me, i said i would not tell Christopher Robin.

After refilling my Wine cup quite a few times I grab my phone to call Melanie and tell her that she needs to immediately come back to GA because I am having so much fun, but I had a missed call. And who could it be when I am out having the time of my life... THE BOY. So I called him back to tell him I would talk to him tomorrow, but he wanted to talk. So I went outside to get a general topic and decided I wanted to hear it. He wanted to come get me and I could not find my friends to tell them so I just left. (Is it really a good party if someone doesn't get ditched). So me and the BOY came back to my place and talked and I think I might have told him that I would drop out of school and move to South America with him in a few months (still can't decide if that was a lie), I actually think we might have worked things out better than before. We will see in a week. Then we went on about our business. Well at some point in the middle of the night, my friend Will came into my apartment to find his keys, only I was butt ass naked and did not even wake up. So this morning I hear something and roll over and THE BOY is still sleep so I sit up to see what the noise is and see Will and freak out. He says "um yea I couldn't find my keys so I just went to sleep"... I said "Um were the covers over us when you walked in", he says "Um NO!" .....SHIT.

And his only question of the morning is "WTF did you all do?" I looked around and the aprtment is trashed, and honestly ... I am not sure.


Now that is what you call enjoying the holiday season.

UPDATE: can someone explain this big black bruise on my lower back? And I was looking through my call log on my cell phone and I need to say, If you are in my phone after the letter O, I am sorry you did not recieve a call like everyone else in my phone did, I guess I got to the P and realized I needed to stop.