{Subliminal Silence}
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
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Will someone please explain the last week of my life to me? I am at a loss. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

I am very used to non-normal things happening, but this has gotten out of control. It is starting to affect the people around me. Even my phone wants to turn on me, and by that I mean a mexican woman tried to talk to melanie while i was on the phone with her. I am able to roll with the punches, however, I have not had an opportunity to get up, before the next one comes. Also, I have just been informed I cheated on a boyfriend and I was TOTALLY unaware that I had a boyfriend. So is that really cheating? Well I am leaving the house tonight because I can't take one more item of strangeness. Later.
So last night, LATE, my phone rings. I am asleep and can not be trusted with my actions and I answer it and hang up. I repeat this 3 times, and the phone rings one more time. I finally realize what is going on and answer it. THE BOY is on the other end. I am a little shocked, but I go with it. I had called him after drinking a bottle of wine and laughing my ass off with Melanie, boz, and belle earlier and he was returning the call. Which is strange in its own way because he rarely ever returns the calls. I end up getting annoyed with holding the phone and it turns out he driving around near my apartment so he comes over. *cue Hitchcock music*

This is where the mind game starts. First a bit of history, we have been cosmically drawn to eachother for about 5.5 years with no explanation, however one of us freaks out and backs off at any given point. And so the cycle goes. He starts out by telling me the reason we have not talked since Halloween is because I have not called him. This blows my mind. Melanie has sat there so many times where i get bored and take a moment to dial the the number for a weekly dose of rejection. It has been about a month since I have stalked him called him, but I never got a call back so I had given up. Movin on is what I have been doing. But now all the sudden he shows up and is not making much sense at all. Apparently he is not moving to another country after he completes his masters in may and he will be staying here, he had gone see "along came polly" by himself earlier in the night (WTF, are you on drugs) and he "misses me". But I have been through this enough to know that that means, "hey marc, you stopped stalking me and I miss knowing that I can always come back here if I want and mess with your mind, so I will hang out tonight and then you won't hear from me for awhile, but that should be enough to keep you hooked for another few months". Or it could mean "I don't care about getting attached now that i am not going to live in a rainforest". I can't be trusted to decipher anything anymore. This has been a huge week of mind f*ck on many different levels. So he leaves this morning and I give a cute smile and say "hey I won't hold my breath ok" and he laughs and says"yea give me a few months". So is he going to show up tonight, next week, next month, or never? I would really like to know. We both know we will never be done with one another so I am not sure why it is so hard to reach the conclusion that it is ok to call eachother. You would think after 5.5 years we would have better communication skills between us, but maybe that is too much to ask for. And now I am starting to question the sanity of the situation.

As for the conversation with belle, boz, and Melanie..... I will admit I was drunk, but boz thought I wouldn't remember it and I DO. And my head is pounding today, not from the 1.5 bottles of wine I drank but because of laughing so hard at Melanies breakdown. You can "call me Roger and paint me stupid" too.


Last night I get in the bathroom line at free beer and the guy in front of me strikes up a conversation with me. Right here I am going to avoid the topic of a MALE being in front of me in the bathroom line when I have to go really bad and he can very well piss on a parked car outside. So Pete starts talking to me and says "so what brings you here". I say "um Pete did you notice they are pouring free beer". So we start talking and he informs me that he has been sitting in all the congressional meetings about raising the alcohol content in beer in GA. He then informs me that they are finding their fight to be successful and it looks like the 14% is going to pass soon. OMG! 14%. 14% 14%14%. That is more than double. I fell in love with Pete at this moment. But 2 seconds later I realized he was wearing a politician man sweater vest, and I was disgusted with Pete. I don't know if I have ever been pulled harder in 2 directions. Are a man's beliefs more important than his choice in attire? Then a huge fear came over me that one day, it might be possible for me to love a man in a sweater vest. The horror of my future might have gotten worse.


These results will be funny to anyone who knows me:

The Rorschach (inkblot) test

You probably type with your penis. And don't say you haven't got a penis. Someone like you must have one somewhere. Ah, no surprises here. You're least normal. Some people might say "freaky".
Bert and I are fighting so I am stuck at home today. I woke up at 7 to take him to the doc because of the hideous noise he has been making ever since it got cold outside, and his blinking oil light. So I get there and tell the guy what is wrong and he says, "oh well I don't understand, do you mind driving me round the block so I can hear the noise". He gets in the car, and I go.
Bert thinks this is the point where it will be really really funny to not make any noise and to turn off his oil light. So the guy in the car is like "I don't hear anything, sounds like it is running great" and now I'm like the retarded girl who is a hypercondriac with her vehicle. The whole time I can feel Bert laughing at me.
Anyone that has been in my car knows this noise. It seriously sounds like the transmission is about to fall out. I guess I put the fear in Bert and he realized he need to start behaving. I guess if you threatened me with a big fat dirty guy looking under my hood I would do what you said too. Or he is mocking me, in which case things are not ok.


Bad things come in 3 you say? Not to me! I have only had two and and now I am hit witht he lottery. Well I have not quite won money, but I feel like I have. I am not huge on reality TV, but I will not consider this reality. The god's hae answered my prayers, they have now proven to me there is a higher power and it IS working in my favor. I am now ready to do their work.


My only question is where are they filming, this could be my only chance to nab a midget. Catch her as she gets rejected and maybe she won't notice she is my slave.

This is a day of happiness my friends.
How is it that I have a paper to be working on, my apartment looks like Martin Sheen has been let loose in it to throw things all around, I have 5 chapters to read before class tonight, and I am supposed to be getting ready for a field trip tonight, but the only thing I have done for the last 45 minutes is clean my keyboard?

But this is the cleanest keyboard in the entire world! Well not so much but all the lint is out of it.

Also, in one of the late night real world conversations, (btw, if you are missing these, it is prob for the best, it is probably too funny for you anyway), Belle said, "Donna Martin Graduates", which is one of my favorite episodes. But I had come clean with he house, so I figure I should come clean to you all too. I have done time for man slaughter. No one can really hold it against me, for it was Tori Spelling that I killed, but the strange part was I killed her while she was going through the whole learning disability thing, which was way before she graduated. So you ask who was Donna Martin? Well you can go to the Surreal life and see. You might not believe me, but it will be all over the news soon. I feel it is time to leak it to the press. ERIK ESTRADA IS TORI SPELLING. Just look at the teeth, and the horrible boob job they have. She he has gotten fatter but that has not stopped him from making life time movies.

Come by tonight and sit in on the zonk board, I promise you will not get an aneurysm trying to follow our conversation laugh, because Belle and I are easy to follow and always make perfect sense.
The things you do for love.

I have to get up at 7:00 (as in am) tomorrow to take Bert to the doctor. Whew, that is early. I am positive the doc is going to tell that this car of mine is a bit too much like me and he is just too damn lazy to move when it is cold outside, but I figure I should take him for a checkup anyway.

Ok, so today in class someone announced that I was scared of midgets. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE COUNSELING PEOPLE. Everyone knows I just like to laugh at them. How am I going to be scared of something I can step on? So when I say this, I got some really dirty looks. The worst part is, now they all think I am the disturbed one, even though they cry in class!
After trying to steal someone's identity I went and took the quiz again and: *drum roll*

Which Real World ... Blogger Style cast member are you!

Go to the house and see if you can be my doppleganger. I somehow think not many people are going to be. Not sure if that is sad, but what is sad is that Martin Sheen was not part of the quiz (if you don't get this, you know nothing of pop culture).


Brad hates Hawaii, he hates Las Vegas, I bet he would even hate the Bahamas. Man these people born in Alabama really just don't like anything if it doesn't include pork rinds and fried chicken. Ok he is going to be mad at me for that, but it brought me a few laughs.

Last night after the horrid day I had, and the 3 hours of jumping on the bed to calm down, I got on the phone with Melanie and I think I laughed for 20 minutes straight. This is what happens. I try not to get all down and find the funny side and then I turn a bit psychotic, and then I end up thinking everything in the world is hilarious. Well after the first 5 minutes:

Melanie: "Oh my god, listen to you, what in the hell is wrong with you, are you laughing so hard I don't think you are breathing"
Me: *fits of wild laughter*"you know this happens, I just think my horrible life is so damn funny right now"
Melanie: "well, one of my clients farted in group today"

Could there have been a more perfect line? I really just don't think so.


When life throws the first punch, rules of engagement no longer matter!

I have always looked down on Melanie when she suggests we do the behavior that I have just displayed, so starting out with this story, I need to say ..... I KNOW MELANIE!

It is raining, and icy, and freezing, and I have had a bad few days, and I need a hug really really bad (not just a hug, but a big bear hug from someone much bigger than me so I can pretend I'm a kid being told everything is going to be ok) and Bert needs to go to the doctor but I can't afford his medical care, ect... so I go to Kroger and apparently the store policy is that you don't need to bring in the carts in when it is -500 degrees outside. I was not aware of the policy and was planning on doing some major ramon noodle and lettuce purchasing (hey I'm poor). So I am walking around the store carrying a bunch of crap, when some ass hole runs into me with his cart and makes me drop it all. He gave ME a dirty look as if I had thrown myself in front of him wanting a bruise on my bum from his cart and purposely hurled my 15 items out of the strategical placement in my arms onto the floor in front of their cart in order to ruin his day. Well, as I was picking up my crap he got upset and walked around me, leaving his cart momentarily, WHILE STEPPING ON MY STUFF and grunting, to find what ever it is assholes go to the store for. So I was on the floor getting my stuff together and then it came to me, MAYBE I WAS SENT HERE TO RUIN HIS DAY. So I went with it and put my stuff in his cart, clicked up my heels and rolled away with a new found bounce in my step.

My duty today has been fulfilled, and amazingly I feel so much better.

I have always been one of those people that did not believe in psychologist prescribing medicine for behavioral problems. I think that depression, anxiety, hyperactivity and all that jazz could be fixed or managed with simple therapy, in a mind over matter way. Today I have gained an understanding as to why these professionals so readily offer drugs. I just got back from my workshop for my internship, and I think I got an ulcer. In general they told us, "I hope you have no friends, no life, and no bills or responsibility because you will not have time for it". At least that is what I heard. I have to log 600 hours of on-site training, and that is just one semester of it (there will be 2 slightly different). This does not include the other 10 a week for various other requirements. This also does not include the other classes I am going to need to take. And not to mention none of this will pay me money. I now know that I will be needing drugs and I will most likely LOVE them, and when I am a professional I will know how well they can work. My views might be changing. DRUG ME!

Good bye friends, goodbye fun, goodbye sunshine, goodbye free beer, goodbye chance of ever having a relationship, goodbye cable TV, goodbye hope of ever being able to afford to eat again, goodbye puppy dogs, goodbye macaroni and cheese, goodbye communication with the outside world, goodbye anything has ever brought me happiness, I won't have time for you anymore, goodbye melodrama because this is SERIOUS!

Hello prozac, hello paxil, hello Tricyclic antidepressants , hello opitum, hello Xanax, hello Valium... Welcome to my world!


If you have friends over seas, send them an email today! One of my best friends, Kevin, is there and i have been so slack about keeping in touch with him. Yesterday I sent him a long, "why my life sucks and why I need you to come home immediatley" email, and for this to be my reply.... I have quit my bitching.

"I' m having a great time too! this whole country has a personality disorder. Not only are the half of the Arabs trying to kill you, but the other half will drive you insane trying to be your friend. This has been an experience. Some of the things you see on TV we have been right next to. I heard the blast that killed those seventeen Italians a few months back, and was close enough to throw a rock to where troop #500 was killed when it happened. I have been to the Green Zone a few times ( it honestly doesn't seem to be any more "green" than anywhere else over here). We have apaches flying overhead all of the time, whenever the natives get violent they usually fly right over there and kill them. Everybody over here has an AK47, they fire them off on any and every occasion, weddings, funerals, fridays... you never really have any idea if they are shooting at American troops or not. We are smart enough enough to protect ourselves and never let our guard down, so there is usually not much direct danger to us. When the Hajis' see us they usually let us go by and don't bother us( would you pick a fight with a group of guys carrying 50Cals and MK19's ?) The only real sustained danger for us is explosives that they put out on the roadway, they have started using remote detonation so there is really no way to protect yourself from that other than minimizing the time you spend out on the road. I plan to start drinking heavily when I get home so scout out the good spots. Love you"


I got my W2 today and filed my taxes and that is all done. WHEW! Turns out going back to school makes my refund a nice heafty one. And if I wasn't starting off so poor, I would almost be rich now. This is really really exciting. I will just say I can pay my car off in 10-12 business days (and still have a bit left over) and Bert will BE MINE!!!!!!

He will no longer be the bastard child in a foster home with the bank hanging over his head. Well, I have to run tell him the good news. Maybe I will buy him a full meal tonight. (he hasn't seem above a 1/4 tank in awhile)

I am down to just one book to finish and due to the fact that I have just read the best book ever, I need advice on what to read to follow it up. Set This House in Order and Good Omens were great. I need your suggestions on books that could possibly be better (if possible).


I have been sitting here watching TV and the same commercial has come on like 25 times. I thought I was grossed out at this product but it turns out I wasn't REALLY grossed out til I went to the website. Secret has new sparkling deodorant. So your armpit can shimmer apparently. Just scroll over the "flavors" and watch how you could have pears and peaches flying from your underarm.


Due to the massive confusion on what politeness and common courtesy is, I have added a link to the side titled "rules". Most of you don't need to bother, but the random few jackasses that keep stumbling upon the site might need to refer to them often.



Dear Dennis Rodman,

You might have fooled ABC and their viewing audience on the Mole tonight, but I am onto your game. There was way TOO much white smoke coming off your disfigured, apparently homemade "cigar", that was conveniently not so tapered at the end. I won't call you out on it, I just want you to know that I knew.

Love, Marci
When in a Graduate level class, when the teacher says "You all should read School Girl's", it is not a good idea to mumble something to another student. Especially if that something happens to be "I tried to read that once but when I realized it was not a Penthouse forum I got bored". AND especially if you don't know what a whisper is and you end up saying to everyone.

Yep Live and Learn!
Last night I had a dream that I was Laura Ingle, and I had a server drug problem. Apparently, after bitch slapping Nelly and Mary, I grabbed my bong ran away from the farm, and hitched a horse buggy to the next town over. (brace yourself for intense plot twist).

It turns out the town Walnut Grove sits directly next to Fraggle Rock. So I (as Laura) showed up at Fraggle Rock and snuck past Sprocket into the hole and then I proceeded to drop acid with Wembley, sing Jazz with Boober, and snort coke with the Doozers using all the little straws they save, and I need to tell you, Red is a hyper little muppet. Things got a bit different than they had been on the farm.

Should this dream bother me?


While Brad was in town, we were both discussing the fact that the 2 of us wear worn out, old, grungy, shoes. Now there is a reason I wear these, and I did not appreciate the man on the street today that told me my shoes were dirty. Especially since, he was a bum and he smelled bad, and he had on 2 different shoes. So I feel I need to let you all in on the shoes of marci:

I mostly were a pair of blue converse that I acquired back in 1996, or my Gibson classic doc's (in Burgundy) which I got in high school (circa 1995) and have worn about every day since. These are the 2 pairs of shoes you will most likely see me in if you run into me at the strip club bar, street, grocery store, ECT. I am a loyal person, and this means I don't turn my back on my friends, the man that lives in my refidgerator or my shoes. These shoes have been good to me and I feel that I need to be good to them. I think that a pair of shoes that are beat up and worn in say "hey, I have been places in this world". Of course it also says "none of those places paid enough to allow me to buy a new pair of shoes", but that is beside the point here. When I see a guy with some worn, broken in shoes, my heart skips a beat, it is kinda like seeing a rock climing or rafting stickers on the back of his car, or corduroy on his legs.

So once and for all, my shoes are NOT ugly, they are just LOVED. And if that is wrong, I don't want to be right.
So I receive this comment:

"Yeah, so I'm the one who "plagiarized" tequila-whatever-the-hell-it-is.....and you're TOTALLY right, people seem to be WAY pissed about it! It was just a gag, to see what kind of reaction I would get. Anyway, it's immature as hell, yeah I know....but some of the emails I got were damn funny! I changed it all back, but I'm just shocked that everyone took it like I stole the fucking Empire State Building or something. Some people are so gay. Or maybe just 'tarded. Or maybe they just aren't as enlightened as those of us who love midgets....the world may never know."

Now he used the word tard'd, and expressed a love for midgets. Now I might be going against everyone in the blogging community, but I kinda think the guy is funny. (dont' hold that against me) Although, as Boz pointed out, he could have picked a better blog to plagerize, (not that there is anything wrong with tequila, but I like shorter posts better) and for that matter it seems he could have used his own words and done just fine. And it does appear he went througha period where he thought someone elses life was more interesting than actually talking about his own, but who doesn't. (although, I would still rather bore people with the boring parts, than steal but hey that is just me, to each their own)

I will consider Bryan the prodigal son of Blogger. He fucks up, leaves, and comes back and now I like him. Pig roast at the real world house tonight, if that is ok with my roomies. (unless of course i find out thisis someone elses comment before then. :)


Let's see, what am I laughing really hard at right now.

OH there it is.

Look there is your IP:
And lookie there: For Abuse Issues, email abuse@bellsouth.net

It seems I gave you a chance to make me laugh and you failed my friend. Since I know you I will give you one more chance to insult me, while using humor. I don't even care if I find it funny, as long as someone does. Let the readers be the judge. How about everyone insult me today so you don't feel alone.

The comments are waiting. --->
Dear guy (I would imagine it was a male) that just found this site by searching "Girls with giant Dildos",

I hope you found what you were looking for.

When you turn on the light switch and the lightbulb blows, is it supposed to send a ball of fire up towards the ceiling? If not something totally unnatural just happened in my apartment. Boz would probably think this was my fault, but really this wasn't.
Strangest request so far today:

Melanie says: 'morning skank
Marci says: MORNING!
Melanie says: can you send me Abba's Dancing Queen?

So all day today when you think of Melanie, just know she is home alone dancing and singing into a hairbrush to ABBA. I hope the day continues to progress this way. I am up for everything odd today!
I have just set the new record in Real World history. I was supposed to be moving into the house today, and as it is it looks like I was going to be one of the last. Well I show up, and apparently I have already been kicked off. I had the blogger invite and when I clicked it said "you are a loser, go home", or maybe "we can not find the invite" either way, this sucks. Maybe Boz can work some magic and let me in the house.



So just yesterday I was making fun of a friends choices. Well now here I sit, watching The Surreal Life, and I know I need to stop, but I can't. Maybe this is what listening to Justin Timberlake is like. This show is so stupid. Vanilla Ice needs anger management, maybe he is friends with the Catholic boy that bitched me out. Ron Jeremy is dirty, and somebody needs to tell him that just because he has a HUGE penis not every girl wants to sleep with him, actually I find our society disgusting if anyone wanted to sleep with him. And Gary Coleman, COME ON..... you know it is bad when I don't even like the midget. Someone help me turn it off!
Do you ever have the feeling that you have been playing a game of hide-and-seek, and you are so proud of the spot you found that you can't help but to giggle at the fact they will go nuts trying to find you, and then time passes and as you are sitting there in solitude waiting to be found, you start to think so much that you get all confused and then start to think that maybe you were the one that was supposed to be seeking and then after 5 years you come out and realize that the other person has given up, and, in fact, there is no one is looking for you, and there is also no one for you to find? And then realize that the saddest thing in life is not the fact that Mandy Moore is allowed to make movies but it is the moment when no one is seeking?

Yea, me neither, but I thought I would ask.



Me: I guess the 22 year old is coming over, MAN, that means I have to put clothes on!

I guess she has a point.
I was talking to a friend that we will call W.H.S. (wannbe homosexual) (What's His Name) and he informed me that his favorite movie EVER, IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD is The Cutting Edge. Now you are sitting there cringing right now that a guy would admit this to a girl, but it gets worse.... He told me this while I could hear Justin Timberlake playing in the background, which by the way is his favorite artist IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, besides Brittney of course. No wait, I am not done..... then within the hour calls me back and is singing "Physical" and explaining to me how great he thinks Olivia Newton John is. Either he is hiding something from everyone, or he is the most secure straight man I know. Only one of these options would gain him access to my bed, and with the facts it is not looking too good.

Should I worry, or should I feel good that he is comfortable enough around me to air these deep dirty dirty secrets speak openly? He knows our friendship is conditional and I will pull the friend card if he ever does certain things, like see Glitter, ask me who my daddy is, or eat Gogurt, so I guess he felt that by telling me this he was within the parameters of our friendship. However, I might have to get to work on a new list for the side bar to better define the limits of my friendship.



It is a sad sad world when the only thing on CNN for 5 ours is him driving away from the court house.
Why will no one sleep with me?

In the past week, we have gotten too drunk to drive anywhere which led Chris and Brad to spending the night twice. The first night they argued about who was going to sleep in the bed with me and Chris won out. I woke up in the morning and he was on the floor with no blanket or pillow. Then last night, they argued on who was going to have the couch. Chris won out again and Brad was stuck sleeping with me. Well wouldn't you know it, 10 minutes after being in bed, Brad announces he is going to get on the floor. WHAT!?! I barely even move when I sleep, although it turns out I had been a bit talkative in my sleep, but you can still hear me on the floor. Maybe I smell bad. My 22 year old took my side and said he had no problem sleeping with me, so at least when it matters it is ok.

Free beer with friends was awesome, I had tried to explain it to them that they would be ready to sleep by 10, and they were like "no not us".... I am proud to report Chris was past out on the couch by 10. That only means he had a great time.


It is a win win situation!

Just more proof that Rex is one of the coolest people I have known for more than 10 years (OMG Rex that is a long time). He sent me this link, because as I am sure you can imagine, the moment he saw it he thought of me. It is like my grampa used to say "Every Day is a good day for Midget Tossing!"* You need sound, for the full flavor of the site. And even if you don't make the baskets, it tells you how makny you injured. I can not decide which is better.

*My grampa never actually said that, but I think he would if he had the chance. He did say "every day is a day to eat Tomatoes", but that doesn't make much sense here.
"Things, however, rarely happened the way you understood them. Mostly they just sort of drove up alongside what you thought was the case and then moved randomly down some other way."
-Lorrie Moore-

If you all want to feel you know me better go read Anagrams. It is really kinda sad, but I think they modeled the main character after me. She is a total cynic, and her view on love is that "you need to find someone to die with", and she is hilarious in the "why doesn't anyone understand me" kinda way. Fantastic stuff.
I had thought my favorite angry drunk have died of liver disease but I wake up this morning to a comment. This is a good day! He wants to know how to eliminate women from the world, and since my friend Chris thinks that I was "in the beer line when God was giving out penises", I feel I can help and not offend.

First to analyze the situation. I am almost positive he doesn't want to get rid of every woman. If you think of the consequences of that, you realize a lot of fun will be lost, unless you are really into other guys. I think you want to get rid of all females that are not cool enough to hang, and I am an expert on this, being one that IS cool enough. I feel you could set up a trap. Like a makeup convention, or at all malls world wide. You could also go to group meetings and burn the place down, and probably only kill women, or hell you could hit every psychology department worldwide, just give me a heads up on it first. That would take care of a lot of useless ones. Maybe others have ideas too.
Tonight I get to take people to free beer with me. That spells F-U-N. Any of you want to come? I have room in the Jetta.



School still sucks and I am going to have to watch people cry all semester long. Which in my world means I am going to have more material for comedy for the next 15 weeks. Is it really so bad to laugh at others problems? I don't think so, if they are really so bad off that they feel they need to purge problems in class. After last night I feel they might break even me this semester, but my guard is up. I just signed up for my big project this semester and I choose Dissociative Identity Disorder, and I could not be more excited about it. Things have turned and this is good, maybe by the time my interviews and research is complete I will not want Multiple Personality so bad, and that will be one less reason to turn myself over to the men in the white coats.

I have goals this semester. I already used the word "crackhead" in class, so one goal has been reached. I have already bitched out a professor so now 2 goals have been reached. And one professor I have a crush on over head me telling another student I was in love with him, so it is out in the open now, Goal #3, check. Although we were actually fighting about who he loved more so I was not in it alone when he over head us. OH HAPPY DAY!

And how funny i got a comment from a new comer to my blog (Fred) and he says "I have no idea how I stumbled upon this website but have somehow been sucked in by the writings of Marci. I am scared to think these are not fiction". HAHAH sorry my friend. All 100% true! I want a midget, I do have 5 people in my head I refer to as Fred, I do built forts when I am bored, I do make an ass of myself a lot, and I do feel that I am not as strange as most people. (at least that is what the Fred's tell me).
I really forgot what having friends was like. I had a really bad day yesterday, and when I say really bad, I mean the world could have blown up and that might have been an improvement. First people are stupid, Boys are dumb, and my classes did not go off as well as I would have liked. So I got home and was so drained and I had people to call and go out with. It seriously took me less than 3 minutes after meeting up with Brad and Chris to be back in a good mood. But I mean with conversations that include:

"daddy, why did you never mention the pink lace when telling me about the great hero's"
"best part is all five of us hit on the waitress"
"um Chris there are only 4 of us"
"no HE joined us on that one"

How could it not be fun?

Other news: School Blows! And one of my classes is set up to the style of an AA meeting. But we "are like bus drivers and we can stop and turn where we want". What a load of crap. I generally don't think that the classroom is the place to air dirt, especially when these people will be colleagues one day.


School starts today and I am really trying hard not to freak out about this 20 page syllabus that was emailed to me for today's class. I think I might have to kill myself before this semester is over. Apparently I need to find a disabled person and do a 3-5 hour interview and then I need to plan the rest of their life out for them. Brad thinks maybe this is a bad assignment for me because I use words like "Cripple", "push", "at least they won't be RUNNING away". And I guess I can not argue with him.

And last night I ruined one of Brads longest living sexual fantasies. I swear to god, I can ruin anything. He was talking about loving red heads and I mentioned how I couldn't handle the "fire down below". He was appalled that, first, he had never thought about that, and second, that I was able to graphically knock his biggest fantasy right out of his head. It is sad when I can even ruin someone else's sexual fantasies, but it is probably not the first time.


Best conversation of the night:

Me: I want wendy's!
Brad: Shit, looks like they are closed.
Me: What do we do?
Brad: Remember that time you showed you tits for Pizza?
Me: Hell yea, we got that pizza at 4am from Dominos too!
Brad: You up for it again?
Brad will be in my state (GA, not insanity) soon. AND I CAN NOT TELL YOU HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME. Even though he is a Lord of the Rings Nerd, he is my favorite boy friend in all the world. Not boyfriend, but boy friend, because he is married and let's face it, that would be wrong. And because I generally don't keep more than one boyfriend, let's face it I generally don't keep one. But he is one of my favorite people, and he thinks I am as cool as I think he is and if that is not requited love (of the friend kind) then I don't know what is.

Bring on the good times!


I do realize that it might be classified information, but if NASA is going to set up head quarters next door to me in order to launch the last living Dinosaurs into space, I feel I should have been given the heads up.

There have been noises that could only be dinosaurs breeding next door for the last few hours and now just recently, it sounds as if a space shuttle is going to launch any minute. If my apartment catches fire because of this, I am going to be so MAD. NASA, you think you are so smart, but I am onto you!



With that off my chest, I need to admit that all I have done for the past 3 days is sit on the couch and watch TV, and read. I have also spent some time talking to the man that lives in peripheral vision, but I have had no luck with him. He has appeared to my side for years and I have always called him Charlie because he looks a lot like Charlie Chaplin. Only I have only ever seen his profile, so maybe he doesn't but he has a hat and a cane. He has been making more appearances lately, (he kept me awake til 4am last night teasing me, by making me think I would have someone to talk to) and he has lost the hat, which I think means he is getting more comfortable. Sucks it takes people more than 12 years to warm up to me. He still does the disappearing act when I turn to look at him, but I think I am making progress with him, and maybe soon I will get his real name. I think he is just really really shy.

But the good news is, I have done very little talking to myself and more talking to the guy that has stalked me for 12 years. So it turns out I am not as nuts as I thought I was becoming.


So I have not driven my car in so long I have grown 3 feet since last time. Well maybe not, it is possible that a midget went joy riding and parked it in the same parking spot, but the idiot forgot to pull the seat back when he was done so I busted him, or maybe Belle's upstairs neighbor came to GA , because the radio was really loud too. All I know is I got in Bert today and the I was seriously eating the steering wheel. AAHHH, the mysteries of life.

My mood greatly improved after that because I imagined myself being the giant in the Beanstalk story, only I would be a really HOT giant, and I would get to carry that kid Jack around in my pocket and have hom talk to me all day and he would not be able to escape because the fall would be to great. And I have always wanted someone to carry around in my pocket and keep me company, ok that is a lie, I have always wanted to ride around in someone else's pocket but I will take what I can get.

Then I got home and realized I still fit through the door and got upset that I was not a giant and after inspecting my pockets, there was no Jack, so now I am a bit embarrassed about asking my pocket if he wanted a candy bar at the store.

Ever since yesterday when I was informed that if I continued on with my orange diet, I would become an oompa loompa, I have made some dietary changes. Well not yet, but the plans are in the works. You see I am actually too poor to eat anything but the random cans of shit I have in the cabinets, until I get the damn check from school, but as soon as I do get it I am only going to eat brown food. No more crackers for me, unless they are brwn wheat ones. I guess that is why my friend Will always called me a "cracker". I am going to get a winter tan and when people say "wow you are so tan" I will reply "oh yes that is the potatoes".


I just received a letter from the government telling me that Brad has listed me as a reference. I have a whole page where I can list things I feel they should know. Is it wrong of me to put that he often gets naked in games of truth or dare, poker, or trivial pursuit, for that matter? (I know it is strange behavior,but true) or is that not what they are talking about when they ask that question?
It's official. Not only do have I been thinking about getting an eating disorder, Which I think I am doing pretty good by eating only orange foods. (mac and cheese, cheez its, and dark beer which I am calling deep orange), but now I want multiple personality disorder.

I am reading Set This House in Order, my second Matt Ruff book. (he might be the new corduroy in my life) and I want to dare you all to read it and not think it sounds kinda fun to never have to be alone, and to play tricks on yourself when you get bored.

It is possible that I already have a slight case of MPD, but they are not enough like the Gonnies as I would like them to be. All the "souls" in my head are named Fred. Which might be a little wired you say, but hey, birds of a feather.


Plagiarism of Blogs!!!!!!

Why will no one plagiarize me? Should I be insulted? OH and by the way Bryan Lamb, I think you disgust a lot of people.

Anyway if you could plagiariize a blog for the day who would it be? today I am feeling Belle thought process is more my style.
I was gonna go rob a bank to pay the bills since I have still not received my check from the school, but then it started raining and when you mix that with the cold, I think it would be insane to rob a bank today. So I decided to sit and watch TV until I got hooked on PBS. Lame cartoons are better than I remember them being. There are more lessons in these 15 minutes cartoons than in Dawson's Creek and Full House put together. Although I missed the lesson in today's episode because I was trying to figure out how I could get Papa some cargo pants, because seriously, a man needs pockets. And also Mama, it is really too early in life to revert to the MuMu. And POLKA DOTS! What is that about?

Todays lesson was about a kite or something but I think it was "you will never get laid if you wear a polka dot mu mu". Which is better than anything I ever learned with Full House.



OK so I receive an email today from someone that "just stumbled" upon my blog. Everyone of you should be offended by this, for he attacked each and everyone of you. Not that I am going to post his email (I would not want to embarrass him with his lack of grammar skills). But he did put a

"PS I do hope this is posted on your computer nerd website......I'm sure all your Lord of the Rings buddies will get a blast out of it."

If no one feels that sting, I know Brad will. It turns out he was offended by comments I made about him. He so pleasantly changed my name to "Bitch" for the contents of his 2 page email. The boy that I speak of is the one that I nicely posted was TOO NICE FOR ME (see post on 12-4). However, I jumped to conclusions on this one. I continued to see him, continued to have a good time hanging out with him, continued to entertain him with my wittiness, and gave him the presence of Marci (something, I know for a fact some people would love to have... Brad, a guy that will go by B, Melanie, Neal, and I am betting madmathias to name a few). Yea, I would be ready to kill if someone said that I was nice. Apparently saying that has made me a "bitch", a "whore", and all around shitty person.

Then to sum up his email, this nice guy said "I now know not to see a "bitch" just because you think she is a freak in bed.....even though "bitch" is not even close to being attractive, and probably not even close to being good in bed either."

Now I was raised Catholic too, my friend, and I never remember it being ok to bring home ugly girls because they look like a freak in bed. But I left the faith, and maybe after the whole priest thing the teachings have changed. Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing your religion, just your character. And the fact that you said I am not attractive had me laughing for 10 minutes. SERIOUSLY! People that don't even know me think I am attractive, and the few that read this site that actually know me will get my back on this one. I might not be the best looking girl in the world but shit I am definitely not sore on the eyes. So you might need work on your fight style. I could have had such better things to say and still used the truth. And as far as me "probably not being good in bed"..... hhhmmmmm. Maybe someone can testify on that one too, for I am a whore. Apparently just not a big enough whore to get all up on you.

So this needs to be a warning to all girls out there. You need to go for the guy that seems to be the ass hole because as it turns out, the NICE one is really the ass hole incognito.

Also, if any one ever gets offended by what I say, could you please keep the email to a few lines. I got really bored reading all that. I am in full belief you can tear me apart with insults in 5 lines or less if you have any skill at all.

Take this as a warning to all you "computer nerds" that if you use your real name, people will find your blog. Some of you might care, but I am not ashamed of anything I post here.

Is there an attractive way to eat an apple?.... I was just eating one while walking around my apartment and walked past the mirror, and realized that I might be the most unattractive apple eater. Seriously, dinosaurs look sexier eating flesh. So now I feel like I have to take all my favorite foods and eat in front of a mirror so that I can see what others see. OH THE HORROR, if I look that bad eating Mac and cheese.



I just saw a commercial for Brita water filters and on it they said that it even filters mermaids. OMG! So now I am deathly scared that some mermaid is going to pop out of the sink and she is going to be so pissed off about being stuck there in my smelly sink for so long that she is going to go "EEEIIIIEEEEIIII" (Splash style) with the intent of making my ears bleed and thus leaving me to bleed to death. I will have to duct tape all the sinks every night and then that leaves me explaining why the sinks are taped to any potential boy that comes over and that is one more reason no one is ever going to love me. THANKS A LOT BRITA!
Belle has announced the day, so who am I to ruin it without a few lies?

1. I really do own a midget and I am cloning him. Yes I lied about not being able to clone too.. But anyway once I have an army of midgets I was going to train them not unlike seeing eye dogs and give them away as pets to people I don't know in hopes of making a friend or two. Then any left over I am going to raise up as an army, not unlike that of Jessica Simpson, Brittany, Christina, and Mandy (only smarter)... and unleash them on Amazon, in order to help belle fight off the robots at Amazon. We can only hope that after the war is over all the midgets collaborate and make a movie.

2. Not only is John Lennon alive, but he hangs out with johnny Cash. Who, YES is not dead either. THANK GOODNESS! I believe they are getting together on a new album that they will put out under the name "Imagine, us out doing Elvis". Only Lennon will keep his clothes on on the cover and Cash will be wearing punk clothing. And they will be beating up Haley Joel Osmond, because lets face it, even if you preach peace all your life you still have to fight the evil of the world.

3. I have a colony of fleas that I am currently training to be in the next special Olympics. Sure I have to carefully bash their heads and be careful not to kill them, and only to cause retardation, but this isn't as hard as you would think it is. So my colony of tard fleas is going to take the gold, and make all the "special children" feel bad about loosing to a fleas becuase losing to other "specials" is not bad enough on the ego.

4. My favorite store in the world is Abrocombie and Fitch. And with that, I can not resist a man that only wears A&F. And when I say wears, I mean has the words printed across every piece of material on his body, even the undies and white socks (because we all know A&F doesn't have knee high stripes). I love wearing their clothes and looking like I did in high school and seeming all dirty as if I don't care about my appearance but every one knows I really do because I spent $90 on the ripped up jeans.

5. I have more friends than you. Yes it is true. More people in the world love me than they love you. I even receive all my orders from Amazon, which means I am even loved by robots. (sorry belle but it's true).

In conversation with a friend, how exactly do you go about saying that you could care less. Not like with a stranger, now I can do that.... I even add dirty looks and kicks in the knees with strangers, but when it is a good friend? I want to say "the topic physically makes me want to vomit and I think you are even dirtier for wanting to talk about it with me all the time. Everytime you talk about it you ruin a small piece of my day and the day is not getting any longer you asshole. And I really wish that if this is all you have to talk about to leave me alone til you have something else". But I think that is rude when it is something he/she is excited about.

oh well I can always go on trying to ignore.

other news: The only friend I had made since I moved to Atlanta showed up last night and said "hey I am moving to OK tomorrow". NICE... so I got no notice on the matter and was not able to make a new friend. but Brad never returned my call so I am assuming he will still be here hanging out with me next week. *fingers crossed*


Ok so I have started "random email of the day" awards. One a day that is it. Today's has been sent. So if you end up getting an email from me that makes no sense, just go with it. You might learn something. And also don't feel bad if I don't send you one. I might get bored with this in a few days. And the first person that doesn't email me back something is going to end it. This might be my pathetic way to get something other than junk mail. Becuase seriously, I don't need a bigger penis, I don't want to join fitness America, Dr. Dictionary only tells me words I know, and I have already seen the Paris Hilton video.

Also, I was going to use my extra time to do a "100 things" list, but then I thought that maybe you all don't care to know 100 things about me, or you already know a few things about me.... so I am going to be working on the "99 things you wish you knew about me list"... but it might all be lies.
So I have a week til school starts and I was thinking I could use this time to clone myself and make the world a better place. Only I don't know how to clone, so I was gonna go running with ostriches, only they are not indigenous in GA. So then I was going to learn to fly, only the feathers I ordered won't be here for 6-8 weeks. So now I am at a loss.

Any ideas on what I could do?


Learn something new ever day.

The first few things I have learned in the New Year:

* A dirty apartment is hard to clean until you reach your breaking point.
* Choose your friends wisely, and only get close to the ones who actually care.
* Between friends there is no such thing as "casual booty"
* When in an Adult Toy Store, do not make eye contact because some nasty guy is inevitably going to think you want to suck a certain part of his anatomy.
* Being 3 years older than a guy does not make him "unbangable"
* Being alone is totally overrated.
* Victoria Secrets New Sheer bra is still padded. (DAMMIT VS, not every one needs the extra boost)
* Running is not as bad as I remember. (skinny Marci here I come)
* I do have morals and values. (who the hell knew)
* Say Anything has the best message that has come out of the 80's. "When you hear the ding, everything will be fine".


The grades are in and with all my continual bitching about homework, papers, criers, teachers with extreme facial expressions, and field trips, I need to tell every one that I am not only a graduate student with my Doctorate in reach, I am now a graduate student that has a 4.0. *insert applause here*

Now maybe you are sitting there thinking I am a genius, but I think the grades are wrong. Seriously! I was borderline A/B in 2 classes and I swear I bombed the final exams. Now either I know more than I think, there was a major curve, or showing my tits really did work.

So I guess it turns out I might be a genius, I might be lucky, or I might have a nice rack. Who knows all the options are fine with me.

My mothers reaction:
"Oh so you are on the Deans list, that's nice" *all monotone* (um... is there a dean's list at the master's level?)
Which brings me to the story of Diana's mom.
In Tampa this last week I was staying with Diana's family. I have known Diana and her family since I was 4 years old. Her mother made 2 comments that I think would be cool as shit to hear from my own mother.

1. "You really were not one of the bad kids growing up"
2. "We are so proud of you"

So I think next semester I am going to call Diana's parents and tell them my grades instead of my own.

Last night while drinking a bit Melanie and I were thinking about all our friends that are married or at least in a relationship and we came to realize that the one thing all the girls have in common is the fact that they wear "Mom Jeans". We now know the secret ingredient to the formula. WE ARE SO SMART!

So today is her last day with me and we are off to find us some mom jeans so when we see eachother again in 4 months we will both be engaged. No more "Cool Marci" after today, bring on the wedgie building, camel toe causing pants, I am getting me a man!



It should really be illegal to have as much fun as I did the past 5 days. I went back to my home town and everything is so different that Diana and I got to drive around and rediscover the place. I ate 2 Cuban sandwiches!!! I ran into a bunch of people I have not seen in a while and actually enjoyed it.

New Years day was the best day of my life. Diana and I woke up and went to Bush Gardens and rode roller coasters all day. I reached a point where I was randomly belly laughing for no reason at all... just sheer happiness. We ran around the park like little kids until we hit up the Hospitality House for the free beer, then our pace seemed to slow down. The weirdest part of the whole day is that every little kid we came in contact with wanted to talk to us, and not once did I have the urge to kill the little mutants. VERY STRANGE. While there we ran into a guy that I went to homecoming with back in the day. He is damn good looking now and made plans to hang out that night.

We met up at some friends house and Dave (hottie) and another guy (Ralph) I went middle school with came and got us and we went out to a bar in Ybor. Ralph kept going to the bar and bringing shots back and Diana and I managed to get trashed in one hour. There came a point where I turned to Dave and said that "if you are standing next to me at 12:00 you might get jumped". So he says "Perfect, let's practice". This starts the marci makeout session in the bar. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not all into public displays but apparently I had had enough to drink that I felt this was fine. So we drank more and then 12 happened and I kissed Dave, and Ralph, and (I think) another guy that I didn't get his name. But this is ok, New Years is about togetherness! So after making the rounds, I went back to making out with Dave. I then realized that I had had more than my limit and walked outside to sit and call Melanie.I guess we talked although neither of us remember it, but it is in my call log. (i also tried to call paul but my signal was all busy, sorry man) After hanging out there for awhile, Ralph came out and said he was ready to go and Dave went to find Diana. This is the point where I though t I might need to puke. (This is also ok, it is New Years and I don't think you can go to Ybor and not puke). So we all get up to go and I kinda maybe yakked. This is the point were Dave puts me in the car and starts playing with my hair and I look up and say "OH NO, now you are never going to marry me". I ended up laying down in Daves lap and got more comfortable than I have ever been in my entire life. We got back to the house we were staying at and I was already about to pass out and Dave went and found a mattress for me and tucked me in and I sat with me till I passed out, Oh in about 2 minutes. All in all I had the time of my life. Even though Dave might not marry me now.


In other news:
The night before I left, I hung out with my 22 year old and had a good time (let your mind wander now). I think I am going to keep him around for a bit.