{Subliminal Silence}
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
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3rd Semi-Annual Bozzie Awards
The tiara please.
It's unfair to limit her to one award. She shines in so many categories.
The Midgets
The twenty two year old
Free beer
The people in her head
The 80's
her speeling
And many others too numerous to mention

Yep that is right, no one else got 7+ topics.
You ever do something you swore you would never do and pretty much thought it was physically impossible for you? GO NOW DO IT! It is strange, liberating, and ever so pleasing all at the same time. I would tell you what I have done but your imaginations are probably better than the truth, so I will let you run with that.

Also, I would like to publicly call Mad's bluff on the comments below. Few people know he is one of my most favorite Bloggers (and quite possibly my secret boyfriend) because most of our conversation are done in email. He has been able to keep me laughing all through this disaster we are calling February, and will play incredibly stupid question games, that I love, with me ALL DAY for weeks. He really must have a job like a I used to.
So he got pictorial message from me this weekend and has now made joke, that I am going to take seriously ;) Anyway, Mad, you know the address........
TOMORROW IS MARCH!!!! Notice how it is one letter off from Marci, coincidence, I think not.

Today is that last little day Feb has snuck in on us, and my life is already looking up. I guess the end of the month has definitely been better than the rest. But I can not even wait to see what March has for me. I have looked to see what I know will happen in March and Melanie will be home, I have no papers due, only 3 tests but they are next week, and with this web cam all the suprises that come. I am almost giddy about this. I had a talk with the Calendar god's and they promised me (and everyone I know) a completely great month. So when your all's life starts looking up tomorrow, you can thank me for that.
A truce was called late last night and Melanie and I got together with our good friend the Wine bottle and realized we were out of pictures that we wouldn't ruin our friendship if they showed up on the internet decided that maybe there was something wrong with us for having this much fun sitting home alone on Saturday night doing this stuff.

So when Melanie suggested we just drink Wine and do Yoga, I thought that was a lovely idea. Although, it seems Imisunderstood. Imagine my embarrassment when I showed up in my TOGA. Oh well, Wine was a good sport and dressed up with me.


Melanie was right......

Friends shouldn't let friends do some things, but when you see how happy they are it is hard to ruin it sometimes. I guess we can call our mistakes even now because I DID sit by and kept my mouth closed for the "Bubba Stage" of Melanie's life. I know she grew up in GA and all, but really this is still no excuse for her prom date. Every one knows what happens at prom and all I have to say is, "YOU ARE SO GROSS!".
I was feeling all nostalgic going through pictures today and found one of Melanie and her ex boyfriend. His name was Harold, but we called him Shawty, because we thought he was fly. I can still remember how Melanie cried when he dumped her, but this picture captures a time where they were both very much in love.

I should be studying, instead my closet is now color coded. Somewhere else on Earth Melanie should have been doing school work too, but cleaning behind the futon offered the urge the strength of the devil, and now her whole apartment is spotless.. And somewhere else on Earth there is Julie, who should also be doing school work and she is planting a garden instead.

I swear to goodness, if we want something done in the world we should just offer the ruler of each country homework.

Now a message from Melanie:

Me: What else can I do? OH I KNOW! I'll embarrasse you on the internet.
Melanie: NO, that is not ok!
Me: Oh and it was ok the time you put my face on a douche box and told everyone on your site I was a douche bag?
Melanie: Oh maybe not.


*forced heavy laughter in the over dramatic tone that is disturbing the neighbors*

That is all I have for right now. The Fred's (people in my head) are rocking my socks off today.
Ok so Today is better than yesterday, I woke up and swore to god that Murky and Lurky had won the war against Rainbow brite, because I live in Atlanta and there was snow everywhere. I think snow is the most depressing gross looking stuff. Why can't it be like gold fish crackers and come in different colors? But snow is gone now, apparently there was another war last night and rainbow prevailed. ALL HAIL!

Anyway, last night at free beer, I started talking to small group of people and as we are sitting there the guys phone rang, he answered it walked off for a minute, and then returned and said "I just bought a house". Who the hell buys a house over free beer?

Then after free beer, we went over to a loft to hang out and when we walked in one of the roommates was sitting at the dining room table drinking milk and reading the bible. Now I don't know this guy at all but when I have some alcohol in me I find the urge to talk to anyone in my path. So as I past him I said "hey man what are you doing?" and he replied "you know how people read the Lord of the Rings books before the movie..." That was probably the best answer he could have given. I then proceeded to sit and talk religion with him for about 30 minutes. I think it is cool as hell when I meet a Christian that can actually have an intellectual conversation about religion with me and not get upset about my views. Kinda like Belle accepting that i think the purple gold fish are gross as hell.


This Explains A lot:

When I was little my favorite story was about a woman that always wore a scarf around her neck. She got married and told her husband to never remove it and they lived years without him ever seeing her neck. Then one night she was sleeping ad he couldn't take it anymore and he untied the scarf and removed it and then .....


I loved this story (and the illustrations) and never stopped to think it was odd or gross. I just thought that pesky thing curiosity was a jerk, I mean he killed cats and made your friends heads fall off.

Any way, the point of this post is for someone to tell me the name of the book. I would hate to think I made this story up when I was 5, that could mean a lot more about the psyche) Maybe Nikki can help me, she remembers V and square pegs so maybe she knows this book too.
I just found out that Bill Der Beaver, from Zoobillee Zoo, went on to do Childs Play II and II, Honey I Blew up the Baby, AND (the most tragic) Sister, Sister. Now I do understand that this is one of those shows that only I remember like "V" and "Square Pegs", but I still feel that another part of my childhood has been tainted. And now that I think about is name....MAN!

I feel like I did when I realized a child hood friend had also grown up. I should have know when she did "Hello Kitty Furry Tale Theater", but she was down on her luck and needed the money, I had no clue it was a life choice for her.

Was there a cartoon out there that didn't eventually turn to sex. (besides Alvin and the chipmunks, because we all know there story was tragic with that man, Michael Jackson Dave, that they had to live with). Even poor Jem turned into a slut and was last seen in "Jem and the SwallowGrams. So much for the strong business woman that could still ROCK. Innocence truly is lost.


I got up on the Left side of the bed and I think that is what has made the difference today. If you are unhappy right now do this:

say: BOOP! (with a high note on the OO)

see now your a submarine. HOW FUN!

Joe's gampa taught me that.

Everyone needs a Brad on there side. If only he could name a Kurt Vonnegut book. (oh yea, and wasn't married).
"Shit happens, Marci"

"Things will get better, 4 more days til March"

"Warning: Pardon the Drunken rant to follow-
Marci, for real stop it. You just might be the best person I know. As a matter of fact, let's just say I think you are 98% perfect. (2% margin of error). I'M BEING ASSERTIVE NOW. (I've had a federal class on it so I can). Stop being a DAMN puppet, you are too smart to let any of this shit bother you, but you are being an IDIOT......(ANGRY DRUNKEN ADVICE)...... I hate to see you unhappy ........... The whole situation is stupid, and so are you for falling into it.
PS: this is said with love."


Ok so angst day might not go as planned due to the fact I had a knock at the door at 2am last night, with possibly the worst news ever. Seems February is not over yet, and it is going out with a doozy.
Just a warning for you all to be on the look out.
Love The Girl Who Holds The World In A Paper Cup.

Why is it when you are looking for something specific in a "huge rubbermaid tub of the past", it takes 4 hours to find because you have to explore everything you have not seen in awhile? Tonight I came across my journal from the end of college and start of life and had to sit and read the whole thing. (BTW: Brad, we have been friends along time: remember the night we broke into Country Club, I have detailed memories if you want them. The quote "should not have lived according to alcohol blood level charts" is actually written).

Anyway, I have been laughing so hard at the stuff I thought was important back then. And you would think your teen angst would go away after teen years but NO. The cover says "every dream is shot by daylight", and there is something that might have resembled poetry back in the day, that has had me cracking up all night, not to mention the drawings. So tomorrow is "Marci's Your Too Old For Early Adulthood Angst Day" on the blog.


Have you seen the First Response Commercial? It starts out by saying, "There is such thing as being just a little bit pregnant"

Ok So I personally think this is going to be a tough sell for the advertisers, but then after some thought about what they might mean, I get it! They are on to something at the First Response company. "A little bit".... That must mean like only pregnant with a liver or a set of lungs, in which case being pregnant could be TOTALLY helpful. Just when I think I know everything, some amazing commercial comes on and knocks me off my pedestal.
Does anyone know where I can get a switch installed to turn off thinking?

I tried and tried to fall asleep last night but I couldn't stop thinking about something, and the night ended up being one of those where you reorganize your books by year written, and then order them by color of spine, and than put them back the way they were. And then tackling 200 CDs, all while watching 6 episodes of Cops, and trying to figure out witch one of them is belle's baby daddy.

That is not a fun way to spend the night, especially with my new soft sheets in bed waiting on me. In college these are the nights I would have woken up J and made him go to WalMart with me and play volley ball over the isles with those huge bouncy balls in the toy department or made him get up and watch infomercial about knives with me. AAHHH, I regress.

Outcome of all the thinking: I miss someone a lot or at least I did last night. We are not friends anymore because we got all drunk one night and he found me sitting Indian style in a sink in the locker room of the Country Club wearing a pretty black dress, outlining me face for a self portrait in the mirror with a dry erase marker, and decided this was the moment to tell me he was in love with me. I guess every one has a Christmas Party story of how there life got ruined. Ok well new day so we will go back to the fuck yous of normal life.


Today marks the beginning of my Funk phase. I am now "Funky Marci". I called Melanie to inform her of my changing characteristic and told her I was just like Picasso when he fell into his blue period, only I am not an artist, nuts, nor do I only like one color, nor am I old as hell, and she affirmed that YES I was in fact JUST like Picasso.
I can not seem to turn off Robert Randolph and the Family Band, I saw these guys in concert in August and it has taken me this long to be addicted and now I can't turn it off. But I guess Picasso made his changes slowly as well.
I ran into my next door neighbor outside and he felt the urge to tell me that "if the downstairs neighbor is upset at me anymore in the middle of the night for whatever I am doing, I need to pound back and make even more noise." What can you do but turn red and away mid conversation? which is what i did.
Who knew?
You are Marcie!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
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Maybe It is I that am nacho steppin stone. Am I jonnie or is he me, the world may never know.


I wish she was still around.

Today I bought J-E-L-L-O! I had forgotten how good this stuff was. I was walking around the grocery store, for lack of anything better to do, and saw the jello and thought about how happy green jello used to make me. So I have eaten 2 boxes of jello in the past 2 hours, and now my lips are permenatly red. This is the reason I might have stopped eating jello. I look like a dirty kid on the playground and there is nothing I can do about it.

Also, can someone send me a garden gnome. I have no garden but I think maybe a gnome would be the perfect roommate. I will give him a good home and hug him, and love him, and call him Fred, and I will even put fake flowers around him. SO PLEASE SOMEONE!... this is my new desire.
I think my "enter" key is broken. How does that happen? Anyway, HAPPY NEW SHEET DAY! I have a fetish strong love for flannel sheets and it turns out you can get a full set for $10 at target when they go out of season. This is definitely a good day. Also, to my jealous down stairs neighbor, I AM SO SORRY!!!!!... but for real the banging on my floor was good enough to let me know you were upset, you really don't need to come to the door anymore, this is not going to help the noise. ....Love your upstairs neighbor.



Cacoa and Kristin and anyone else who can not see comments, can you now?

I shot off a flare and Rex answered me. Man, an ex that knows HTML, has got to be the coolest thing. Apparently I just felt like throwing anything I wanted in the template. He informed me that the words "Send me a Midget, "Send Belle Monkey", and "bow down to Marci", did not work as subliminal messages in the template. I guess I kinda knew that, since I have yet to get a midget an belle doesn't have a monkey, and no one has praised me lately. But once I took the random words out of the template, it all works fine, I think. BIG THANKS TO REX!

Sorry Belle, i tried though.
Ok so I have mentioned the 22 year old before but the title is just funny to me and not really something I have thought about, but last night I was talking about getting a race car bed for my midget. I said that he could be like the Ricky Schroder of midgets, and the 22year old had no clue who I was talking about. WHOA! Silver Spoons was one of the greatest shows of childhood, and was the introduction of "The Carlton".
These young people really missed out. Also another difference I have found is that younger guys don't pout as much. This is strange to me. Last night I spent all night talking to one of his friends about books and movies and obscure stuff that had anyone that walked into the conversation exiting it just as fast due to lack of understanding. Any guy I have ever known would have been all pouting about the fact that I spent the ENTIRE night with his friend, but his only response was, "it is really cool you like my friends". This is just strange to me! And by strange, I mean working totally well.


As promised I got a web cam. WHOO HOO!

Today, I was on the interstate and some car tried to move into Bert and then as I saw my impending doom I had to move over and slam on the brakes and it was at this moment that the worse fear ever entered my body. You would think it would be "OMG, I'm gonna die!" but no it was more like..."Oh my god that poor loser in front of me has stuffed animals in their back window and that is the last thing I am going to see before I die!". Sheer terror I tell you.

Best conversation of the day:
me: "How can you eat catfish, isn't it like the redneck of fish, or the pigeon of the bird world?"
B: "Naw dude, it is more like the fried chicken of the river"


Holy Snot Bat Man.....
I can count probably 4 people that have told me to get a web cam, and all of them failed to mention that the prices are so low. For real, $20. I will have one tomorrow! And to celebrate, fun "marci's head shot emails" for everyone those of you who happen to get one before I get bored.
Tonight in my medical class someone from the Center Of Disease Control came and talked about the current research with AIDS. I have never experienced a moment where I realized how ignorant I was, like I did during this talk. Man, I thought I knew about this disease!

So I know offer you Todays Fun Facts:
-Some people are totally immune from it, and the trend is that it is people with O- blood type.
-They have a "morning after" type pill for it. If you take it within 6 weeks of exposure it will knock it out.
and much more but I just realized you all might not care about this.

Also, since I found my sense of humor in my bed, I had this flash in class tonight that there was going to be a midget in my bed when I got home today. Sounds all strange, but seriously , follow my logic here.
I really wanted my sense of humor and it was in bed.
I really wanted sleep, it was in bed.
I really wanted........, it was in bed.
and now I realize I also really want a midget, and in class I was horrified about the thought of coming home. I want a midget but NOT on those terms. But I got home and all was fine. Who knew i would ever be relieved to not have a midge?


That damn sense of humor was in the damn bed all along. Apparently early morning bitchy phones calls made me get out of bed without out him one day, and since I have not been back to the bed since, I never found him. A little time in the bed this afternoon, when I should have been studying, apparently did me good. I guess I need to stay in bed a bit more often. If only this was possible. *sigh*

So programming will return to normal tonight.


-Off Air announcement-
There will be no post today due to a complete emotional breakdown the fact that I actually think I finally have nothing to say. We, as in me and the Fred's, will return to regular scheduled senseless banter programming when my sense of reality humor is found. If anyone finds it before me, please send it home, I really don't want to have to put an ad on Craig's List.

-Please Stand By-
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" (did I have to put quotes, is that signal really copyrighted?)



So it looks like I might be making a trip to my parents the "Land of Those Who Hate Me" this weekend. Yep, life has been kicking me around for a few days now, and now my Grandmother will be undergoing emergency heart surgery tomorrow. I am telling you February, I CAN NOT handle anymore, you have already dished me more this month than I was willing to deal with, will you please lay off already.
Marci and Melanie discuss midget tv:

Melanie says:
Jesus, please tell me you're watching FOX right now
Marci says:
f*ck yea... I have been waiting my whole life for this
Melanie says:
this is just ridiculous!
Marci says:
if ridiculous = the best thing EVER! then yea totally
Melanie says:
is he a millionaire like all the other bachelors? or is he just a midget
Marci says:
just a midget, and at the end when he falls in love and we will be worse off than midgets
Melanie says:
christ! how do they *bang*? they've all got huge asses and gigantic foreheads!
Marci says:
well how do whales *bang*, I think it is all relative
Marci says:
I am trying to figure out which one I want
Melanie says:
is this only a 30 minute show!! 1/2 size people = 1/2 the time for an episode
Marci says:
no shit....no it is an hour.... whew..don't terrify me like that. this is quite possibly the only happiness I have left
Marci says:
I think it will be a short season
Melanie says:
"short" nudge, nudge, wink
Marci says:
is he only keeping the hot ones... becuase they all look funny to me
Marci says:
I guess he is kinda cute
Melanie says:
i'm so grossed out
Marci says:
no man this is comedy
Melanie says:
Marci says:
he would be like zack in the midget bayside high
Marci says:
could they have put more stairs in the house... shit I hate stairs and they have REALLY short legs
Marci says:
THEY ARE DANCING! I am telling you when you have midgets you have to choreograph them.

TBS did not show my 2 hours of dawsons creek this morning! Is this what my future is. A life without dawsons Creek? I guess that was the gods telling me that I was in trouble for not doing any school work this weekend, but really I only have 3 papers to research, a 2.5 hour presentation to put together and a mid term this week. But I really had a good weekend, so I am not dwelling on the stress. So I am going to get as much done as I can today, so the gods will be back in my favor tomorrow. (this means, I will be avoiding my work and probably posting 3 more times today)


Last nights party:

About 20 handles of liquor and 4 kegs, ALL gone by 1am. You know everyone is having fun when that is the case. They had 5 bands play up in a friends loft with a giant over sized twister board and games throughout the night with prizes from Inserection. FUN TIMES!

Today, I realized that when people ask me if I am spawn from the devil I am lying when I say no:
I got throw back into the slumps again, not by the holiday but by the fact that I finally realized that some things I always thought were funny might not be. Apparently, the defense mechanisms are not as loyal as I thought they were. It is a bit wired that I have gone 25 years laughing at the hilarity of certain things and then, when a certain 3 words are said to you, and you have a moment to let them resinate, you realize "HOLY SHIT, THEY ARE RIGHT", and once you realize the words are true, they no longer become funny, and actually incredibly sad. So with this new found self loathing I took myself to Blockbuster to rent Sylvia. I couldn't think of a more screwed up thing to do on valentines day than renting the Sylvia Plath story. I was thinking that surely her story would make me feel better, only when I got there someone had already rented it. WHAT SICK NASTY BASTARD RENTED THAT MOVIE ON VALENTINE'S DAY?


Dear boys of the world,

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! Especially when you are talking to an overachiever about what YOU think she can't do, when you know that under different circumstances she would be something to write home about.

Toot a loo,

Other news, I HATE VALENTINES DAY! I really do. This is the one holiday a year that happy people get to rub it in your face. It is not about getting presents, it is about calling your single friends and making them feel bad. Well to all you happy people, I know most of you won't make it til next year, and to you married ones, are you aware the divorce rate is up to 69%. hhmmmm something to think about.

And since no one wanted to marry me looks like I will fly solo tomorrow. I was really looking to help the divorce rate out. You people just don't care. I hope Hard will still have me.

TONIGHT: "F*ck Valentines Day" party. Free liquor and giant sized twister board so there will be a story tomorrow.
Color me Flattered

Last night I get a phone call from my old neighbor Matthew, and he tells me there is a guy at the old house that knows me and wanted to talk to me. Apparently, he told Matthew that he used to stop by and see me all the time. Matthew questioned it, because the one thing that held true in the old place was that we were all up in eachothers business and Matthew had never seen J before. So Matthew thought he was talking about a different Marci, but then J said "no she lived her, brown hair, and extremely smart". So Matthew called to tell me that he knew J knew me, when he said I was "extremely Smart".

I think it is so funny I have all these people so fooled. I am really a dumbass masquerading around occasionally throwing big words out there. Apparently, I should have taken up acting.


I am I a life span class and tonight was Middle Childhood and the prof brought in 6 kids for us to observe. They were all running around and making noise (much like me on a good day, but they had friends). I had no clue what the hell was going on, it was like midgets that didn't make sense all over the place. Then the guy next to me leaned to my ear and says:

"Does the College of Ed building have a bar anywhere?"

Apparently this guy is after my heart. I was sitting there all confused about what everyone in the class was so diligently writing in their note books, and expressed this concern to the guy and he said, "oh shit we are supposed to be writing something"... At this point I write, "The children are apparently retarded and annoying, and I want to give them scissors and watch them run" and as I am done writing I look at his notebook and he has written "I sure as hell can't wait til the gerontology section". WHY OH WHY DOES THIS GUY HAVE TO BE GAY!!!!!

On another note: I decided I might not be mature enough for graduate school.


Valentines Day Done Right!
Valentines day is on Saturday, and since Saint Valentine was responsible for marrying young couples in order to save men from going to war under Roman Emperor Claudius II, I would like to celebrate his day. He was responsible for bringing some of the first loveless marriages into the world. I have a hard time believing that the couples were all in love when the law said if you were married, you didn't have to go to war.

So I offer you this: I have nothing to lose, I have already been kicked out of my family, so I will pull a Brittany spears and marry someone for the day. It will be a loveless marriage for 24 hours in honor of what the Martyr Valentine did for the world. I will call it Chaucer day, since he is actually the one Hallmark should be thanking. And I will somehow work in Parlement of Foules in my vows.

So you have 4 days to get your votes in for who I should marry for a fantastic Loveless-Day-O-Fun? The polls are open, although I have been informed that the Hard Artist is the only single man left out there, so maybe we need to spread the polls to include a one time game of polygamy. It will only last 24 hours so that can't be that be THAT wrong.


Is asking someone why they smell like manure really such a bad question? For some reason I stopped my self from asking that tonight, and then I couldn't figure out why it would have been bad, but then the moment past.

Next time I am going too.
If I didn't used to work with you, you will not get this.... But on the site counter I see a few people still read this from my old place of employment. Since I am not there to cause trouble anymore, and am in withdraw from it, I offer you this.

I will mention no names, but you know what I am talking about. Someone, tried to bury this from his past, but being the better secret agent that I am, I have uncovered the horror of his past. This is no Pipe dream, this really happened. Please go make fun of him now, i am not there to fulfill the duty.

was a damn good movie. As the ending credits rolled I thought, "what the hell that movie made no damn sense". But then a few minutes later, it hit me. Now it is possible that Sophia Coppala's meaning went right over my head, but there were a few things that I thought were central themes.

* Little moments of happiness in an otherwise depressing world, that can made you want to rise in the morning.
* The importance of an appropriate good bye.
* The constant tug to want to grow up and find yourself, balanced with the pull back to youth.
And also,
*Japanese kareoke sucks. Much like American, but only worse.
* drink every night. And if you can't sleep, it is becuase you are not drinking.
* camo orange can still be seen even flipped inside out.
* married men can not be faithful.
* the subway over there is way better than ours.
* And if you want a midget, move to Japan. (re: the elevator scene)

so there is my review, go get the movie. It is slow and has little dialogue, but it a really pretty film with incredible camera angles.


Dear man on road in green land rover who just pointed and laughed at me,

I saw you banging on your steering wheel and laughing at me, and they when I made eye contact to let you know that I saw you, you pointed and continued laughing like I was something for you to make fun of. I was simply minding my own business and dancing and singing very loudly.

Oh sure, I was breaking it down like nobody's business and, yes I was by myself, and yes, my car was dancing so hard the car was shaking, and yes, you could probably hear me singing from your lane, but I double dog dare you to put on Barry White's You Sexy Thing and not drop it like it's hot. Next time, respect the dancer, if I had been j-lo, I bet you wouldn't be pointing and laughing so hard. (although then I might have had rhythm).

Your dancing Queen,

P.S. you need to know that some people saw you all by yourself laughing and banging the steering wheel and they didn't see me, so it is possible you looked as silly as I did, but I was having more fun.
I am all stoned and I don't know why. The only answer to this, is that there needs to be a mass production recall of Welch's White Grape Raspberry Juice. Apparently they are putting a little something extra in there for kids these days. I drank 2 glasses and now I am doing the electric slide and laughing and trying to perfect my drag queen walk and talking to myself in the style of PeeWee Herman. It wasn't til 3 hours had passed that I realized this might not be "normal".

And while I was just trying to find a Picture of Inga Swenson to link to the words drag queen, I found out that she was in the Mracle Worker. Well, just further proof you learn something new everyday.
If you are a he/she Swede you can work with deaf and mute kids, good to know.
Am I embarrassed that I stayed up til 4am last night crying for James Frey? NO.

If you are into addiction of just delinquency, or if you simply what to know that life could be SO much worse, go get this book. I didn't cry at Bambi, but I cried at this book. Good stuff. It's the kind of book where you don't want it to end so you read the acknowlegements and then realize he thanks Phillip Morris and you love him more.

Moving on. If you can not have a sense of humor about racial issues, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, click this link. If you are at work, get headphones. This was sent to me with the disclaimer that "The "ar" makes it politically correct". AH, to live this close to Alabama!


I might be in the minority on this, but I do not enjoy being woken up early by the phone, to have the person tell you what a bad person you are and then to hang up on you. No I can think of better ways to wake up. Like maybe if someone that actually knew me, called and told me that. Or if there was a valid point behind it, or if the reason was not so incredibly stupid and something you would discuss maybe with your 10 year old, or if it wasn't my damn mother.

Also, I guess the way to handle it is not to laugh and ask if she is embarrassed for making a fool of herself, or to say sarcastically, "Now I think just maybe we are being a bit melodramatic here". That was the line that got me hung up on. But because I am the masochist that I am I laid there for 5 minutes, and said "shit I guess I need to call back". This is when I am told that she never wants to speak to me again.


Moral of the story: if you have the same last name as me, I will not be answering the phone for you. Watch what you say, "someday you're going to get hungry and eat most of the words you just said."



HOLY GOD, BATMAN! Why does this stuff only happen to me?

I am cooking a real meal in the oven, which is strange in its own way. But apparently, when you leave a bottle of 409 on the stove top and the oven gets hot, the stove top warms up and the pressure builds in the bottle and 409 seeps out the top nozzle and then it waits until the moment your face is right in front of it and the little spray do hickey thingy blows off in your face and expels the contents of the bottle in your face, including eyes and mouth. Jesus February, this is your last chance to get to steppin, before I call my boys at the calendar place, and have you buried forever.

Last night an irrational fear became rational, and now I am having to rethink all these things that I take comfort in thinking "oh well that will never happen". I am currently hanging out with the 22 year old and now the BOY has resurfaced. Now before you think, "oh she is that kinda girl", I need to state that, I am just hanging out with the 22 year old, it is nothing more than seeing eachother maybe 2 times a week, but it is still an undefined situation. Well I have a grasp on it but I don't know what his grasp is and I don't want to find out because I like the casual. And as far as the BOY is concerned, I never know what the hell is going on. But I also now, that he has never taken very well to any guy that he sensed I was seeing. And I know that if things could work out with him that is the way I would want life to be (however this thought is on its way to changing as we speak). So last night I had a strong "irrational fear" that 22 was gonna hang out and BOY was going to show up. I am not sure how that would pan out, and causes me anxiety even though I really am not in the wrong here. Well 22 year old got home too late to hang out and right after I found that out there was a knock at the door. It is now rational that this could happen.

So now I think maybe my teeth are really going to fall out, I will trip and go unconscious in the rain and drown in a puddle, that Bert's tires are all going to fall off at the same time while I am lost in the ghetto, and that my children one day will be all midgets. The future is looking bleak. I



It has worked! As soon as I called off Feb, the day got so good. Good things happened that made me so excited about net year, and I realized what I was missing in life was excitement. I don't get nearly excited as I used to. So I am making a list of things I will be excited about in the near future. Here are my top 6.

* Johnny 5's comeback. He was truely one of the best actors of the 80's. I have no proof that this will happen, but I do know he is still alive and if Haley Joel has a career, Johnny surely can make a comeback.
*The fact that I live off I75 and not I85. You see anyone in Atlanta knows that once the 2 break apart, the 75 people get to drive while the 85 people get to sit still another 2 hours.
* The new show, Cracking Up, with Molly Shannon and Jason Schwartzman because I want to have ALL his babies I like him a lot.
* Melanie will be here Saturday night. Well for like 10 hours, and she might only be using me for a ride to the airport but still exciting.
*Alzheimer's. It is never too early to be happy that one day there will be a reason to not make sense.
* The fact that one day, the boy of my dreams is going to see me and describe me on Craig's list missed connections, Ind i am going to finally have a man that started out as a stalker so I will know what to expect out of him.

I am officially calling it March!

February has messed up everyone I know. It swooped right on in after January, and said "hi, I will ruin your life before I am done, and to make sure of it I am going to add an extra day". I am not allowing this to happen. Apparently you have messed with 4 bloggers I know and 3 real life people and ME! The last one is the one that pisses me off the most. Well and maybe Belle, because she thinks the way to deal with you is to kill me, and that just seems harsh in some way. Hell you pushed Boz's mom down in a parking lot for christ sake, you are ruthless.

So I am stepping in and calling it march. This year we will have 1.5 march's. Which means 2 Ides, but that has to be better than February.

So I am going to let today pass and stay away from people and when i wake up tomorrow it will be spring and March, and everything will be back in line.


I am not quite Johnny Cash, but I have been half of everywhere. (Can someone tell me how to remove Iowa from this map?)

create your own visited states map
I get a forward:

It is your Patriotic Duty:
We all know that it is a sin for a Taliban male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does. So, this Saturday at 4:00 PM Eastern time all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist effort.

I can not figure out what bothers me more. The fact that this was sent to me by a friends 80 year old father who stalks me through email, or the fact that I am now wondering if he knows about my -ahem- fulfilled "patriotic duty" from before his son went off to Iraq. Or maybe it is the fact that, this is the only email I have gotten in 3 days.



So I am in my group class tonight and all I can think about is how hungry I am. The face of my teacher took on the look of macaroni and cheese. Every word out of her mouth was a different type of food. I have no clue what happened in class tonight all I know is I was hungry. It has seriously been 2 days since I have eaten and I get in my car and I am headed toward food. So I pass Burger King. I can not remember the last time I ate here and usually avoid it, but i am about to die. You would think fast food was even faster to get at 10pm but no. There is a van in front of me. My window is down and I am in the ready position to yell an order and DRIVE THRU, when I here the woman tell the man his total and to drive around. I am looking at the man in his side mirror, and he looks as if he has gone comatose. He just sits there. SERIOUSLY, ass hole she said "DRIVE AROUND"! At this point I am looking at him and I realize he is drooling and has his tounge ll stuck out. So I honk thinking that if he is having a seizure the noise will pull him out of it. I am hungry! So after I honk he throws his body out of his window and waves at me and smiles and stutters "I'm sorry" all SPECIAL LIKE and he drives forward. I swear tards can be so happy, when pissing off Albert (the dinosaur that lives in my stomach). So I tell my order and I move on thru to the window where this guy is now trying to argue that he wanted onion rings. I WAS LISTENING WHEN YOU DID NOT ORDER THEM! So after about 10 minutes and him flailing his arms and crying and screaming, he gets his food and once again projects his torso out the window and waves at me and smiles real big and yells "BYE".

SERIOUSLY, when I am hungry and you are drooling in front of me, something has to give. What the hell are you doing driving in Atlanta anyway. I guess he went home and told his family that he made a friend at BK tonight. F'N TARD!
Dear fat ass in my mirror,

GO AWAY! Why are you stalking me? I know that you are a cruel joke unless you also replaced all my clothes with bigger ones, because oddly enough, the clothes seem slightly bigger lately. I know Dr. Phil sent you here because he is trying to rule the world, but I am not having it. So you have 30 minutes to pack up and to get the hell out and bring back the skinny girl that used to live there before I call the cops and report a break in and kidnapping. I do not think the police will think this is as funny as you do.

For some reason everything that comes out of my mouth today is taking the form of a song. I am like Julie Andrews of the nonsense world. At least I don't have 23 kids following me around like she did, although I would have taken care of that problem by kicking the top kid and watched the domino effect as they went down the stairs. I think that is a simple rule of Physics we all need to learn at a young age.

Other news: I got stood up by a disabled person AGAIN today. I am going to start having a complex about this soon. What does a dude in a wheelchair have to do that is so much better than hanging out with me for 3 hours and answering my questions?


Is 1.5 weeks too fast to go through a tube of Herbal blistex?

If so, what the hell happened? I might have a problem. Apparently, I am eating the stuff in my sleep. And nowhere on the product does it say "beware you will need rehab for this highly addictive material". I might have to sue them too. My lips might be permanently shiny and my stomach might be full of chap stick. That really is the only explanation right? Am I missing something here again, or is this one more thing I don't understand?

So I see a commercial for T-Mobile and it has the phone playing a G. Love and Special Sauce song and I think "hmmm, how awesome is t-mobile, I will go online and see what other G Love songs they have".

*walk to computer*

They have no G Love! Not even the one they have on the commercial. If that is not false advertising, I don't know what is. Maybe if I get off my ass tomorrow I will sue them for food money.
Last night I went to watch the superbowl at a friends house and I am not trying to shock anyone into a heart attack, but I am not really the sports fanatic I appear to be. Well, unless we are talking about rugby, or hockey, or team twister, you know the real sports. I need fights I need violence, I need gore. You would think that grown men that weigh 315 lbs. would learn to throw a few more punches, especially since they are all padded up. Football, is really a game where they run the ball and that is about it. I just don't get it.

So I need to report the best part of the game was the Reese's reverse. WOW, now that was a good idea! peanutbutter on the outside and a crumbly chocolate on the inside. MMMMM. So I will call this product superbowl and say I enjoyed the hell out of it.