{Subliminal Silence}
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
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I finally went over on my cell phone minutes. WHOO HOO! I was all upset at first but then I realized that it means that I did more than talk to myself last month, which is a huge personal step for me. And then when I looked at the last 4 calls that pushed me over and remember what those calls were, and now I am really not upset about it. (someone knows what i am talking about, now maybe he will stop bitching about me never posting about him)

I have finished my paper and will soon be off to the Center for the Visually Impaired for tonight little field trip. I got handouts emailed to me, and I don't think it makes me evil that I spent 30 minutes laughing that the font on all of them is was set at 20pt. Hopefully, the signs to the place are written that big too, I am sick of getting lost at rush hour in down town Atlanta every Wed.

Lurker boytm is responsible for fixing the color, so send your praise and/or criticism to him via comments box. If only he would fix the stripes too, but hey I don't want to ask too much, and that will give me something to do tomorrow while I am procrastinating yet another paper.

Will someone stop by soon with a new TV for me? Mine has been broken for a few days and I have a paper due tonight that I have not started on and I am a bit unsure of how to procrastinate without the TV. Ok sure maybe it is possible that the remote control is the nazi in the equation here, since it doesn't light up when buttons are pushed anymore, but how am I supposed to know that the TV works if I can't get the remote control to turn it on? I am not one to jump to such scientific conclusions without the whole picture, so for now I have to say the TV is broken. So if you want to show up with a TV and some AAA batteries, I will let you have the original TV if it works.


I was fully planning on causing drama in class tonight to make it more entertaining, and as it turned out I didn't have too. I just got to sit and laugh when the tard tried to pick a fight with a guy in my group class. She really told him that "if he took things to a certain level she would hand both his heads to him on a platter".* I got all pulled into it because I thought it was so funny the tard was trying to be tough, that i could not wipe the smile off my face. I really have no poker face . I had to explain what I thought was funny, like I was 5 years old, so i laughed and said "DO YOU SERIOUSLY NOT FIND THIS FUNNY, ARE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION, THIS IS GOOD STUFF". Turns out I might not be cut out for the "caring profession", you know, seeing as though I have no heart. Seriously though, if you ever get the chance to see a pissed off tard, stick around and watch.

Then I came home and made a phone call I knew better than to make and when that didn't go so well, I decided to go rent movies. And I am now convinced there should be a disclaimer on certain movies....... NO!!! It is not a good idea to watch 21 Grams while sitting at home alone drinking beer. I dare anyone to watch this movie and not have the overwhelming urge to kill themselves. I got the same kinda suicidal tendency that Requiem for a Dream gave me. Only in this one the last 2 scenes are done so well, that I forget I was planning on killing yourself until the credits actually roll.

I also was planning on watching Gothika tonight, but after the depression of 21 Grams, I am not sure I could scare myself to death and still expect to sleep tonight. That one definitely has to wait til tomorrow now.


Scene: Drug Treatment facility waiting room. (while waiting for interview for internship)

Big Man: yea so back in the navy I had some good times, there was one night we were all tore up and had some girls in our room. We were already in trouble and when someone came to check up on us we threw these girls out the 3rd floor window. They came back the next night. We loved those girls. I had some good times in the Navy.

Middle aged Lady: Well they don't seem to be the wisest girls.

Big Man: Baby, why do you think we liked then so much? Well, until I was able to look at girls and get then pregnant. I figured if i had babies left and right and all I remember was looking at the girl, it was time to quite drinking.


Good call buddy, Good call!
I finally got to talk to my grandfather I the hospital, and he has to be the happiest patient in there.
Me: What the hell are you doing in the hospital.
Him: Well I saw that your grandma had fun here and she doesn't seem to hit the floor unexpectedly anymore so she now seems happier, so I thought i would give it a go round and see what they could do for me.

It is good to know someone in my family has a sense of humor. This all happens after I call my mom to wish her happy birthday and she says "I guess I am not even going to get a card". Apparently "Right-o you are" was not the best response. Shouldn't a phone call be enough, JEEZ!
Apparently, there is nothing sexier than a chick holding an AK-47. I disagree, but didn't mention it, because I was having my ego stroked at the time. But I hold true that a guy holding the same gun is A LOT better than a chick. Who knows, I could be wrong..... it seems to have happened at least once recently. Maybe people in general look better when holding guns, maybe I need to update the List.
I came home tonight and talked to my oldest friend in the world for over an hour about some issues, and it is really amazing how fast someone that has known you for 23 years can put something in prospective for you and let you know that you are being an idiot. It is really cool to think you have a problem and to hear someone you trust say, "Bitch, I only wish that was my problem". So I am jumping on her train of thought and going with it. I tend to screw things up when I am left to my own devices.



Sometimes I like to read the phonebook to see if there is more to the world I didn't know about or to see if amputee porn is moving into the neighborhood, or if there is a midget store near by, or to simply see if I might be missing out on something and it turns out, this new Atlanta phonebook does have some hidden funness (I KNOW THIS IS NOT A WORD!) to it. I decided to share the fun with you.

Maybe you can't see it, but that says "Spiritual Reading $20 and free blessing". What a stellar psychic, she will throw in free blessing. Does God still get it if it is free? Something for me to ponder.

And I don't know how Bonnie got in the book here but will someone try her recipe and tell me exactly how disgusting they turn out. I think Bonnie might be too old to remember she is missing some of the ingredients. But she sends it with love, and she is quite the looker.

* did i just use the words amputee and porn together. What is happening to me?
Is it possible April can be as good as March? That is weird to think about because I always thought there was a time limit on me having everything i want, but so far I have two friends coming into town for visits, Brad and Neal (the one i let think we were engaged for awhile for my own person amusement, but he holds no grudge), and now I get an IM from my old friend Deuce that up and moved to Oklahoma without telling me, and he will be moving back in April in time for Music Midtown. Although, he has been involved in some activity I don't agree with involving the words "fat chick", and "one missing front tooth", but hey I shouldn't judge friends..... right?

I was just trying to take 4 loads of laundry to the laundry room in my complex and this chocolate lab comes and throws me down to the ground and stands on top of me and my 90 lbs of laundry and starts kissing me. So his owner comes and helps me up, and helps me gather my clothing and the damn dog runs off with some of my Duckie undies. WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE DUCKIES THAT GET LOOSE? This is when the dog comes running back and knocks my ass down again, to return said panties. The owner all freaks out and once the dog is contained and i am on my feet he says "Nice to meet you". Yea buddy Nice to meet you too.

I shot guns again this weekend, and this time it was more true to red neck style. It is rumored there are picture of me actually shooting, if i ever see those i will post for you all so you can see what an utter bad ass I am. We went up to the woods and blew up computer hardware, so it was a little less red neck style, and a little more Office Space style. Fun nonetheless. I ended up, again, spending the entire weekend with Lurker, and the strange thing is, I didn't get sick of him, when normally a person has a good 24 hour limit on my nerves. I would say that might mean I like the guy, but I might be jumping to conclusions here. I don't want to look like an idiot when I find out he is a robot someone built to fulfill the list, and I didn't figure it out. I mean for real, he has the websters dictionary memorized and corrected me on the word agreeance not being a word. What a funny word to argue about, I guess I should have realized then that there was no agreeance. For the record, that is the first time I have been wrong in my ENTIRE life!


Is this the guy of my dreams, or just the funniest craig's list I have read in a long time?

And can someone please explain this too me, it is beyond my comprehension.
Does anyone ever leave the TV on, and then hear porn noises in the middle of the day and get slightly turned on and then look up at the TV and realize some how you have a Baby's story on and there is some fat nasty woman popping a child out?

Yea, um ok me neither. I feel dirty now.

Due to the fact that it is warming up outside, the crowd at free beer is starting to get cooler, and it is better than Disney world. Well that was common sense, because of course there are no kids at free beer, but maybe the occasional rat. I absolutely love taking new people and showing them utopia and them understanding. The whole business with the 22 year old was fine, although i was hoping he would catch on to the situation without me saying anything, but no. Lurker Boy almost got out with out knowing which one he was but then at the very last minute someone says "how old are you?" and a voice said "22". Beautiful timing.
And then after that we go out and my gay friend informs me that he had the major hots for the 22 year old. Incredibly funny to me. That would have been an interesting turn of events. Too bad I can't write my own story. If I could there would be jam bands on every corner and talking elephants, and we would all wear tiaras, well becuase they make you pretty, and I would write out a few things about last night, and exactly 2 people in the world I would write out because of impending conversations that i don't want to have that i need to soon. But i digress.....

Then I came home and had a dream that i was on my couch and it was a boat and Kimmy Gibler and David Blain were walking on water towards me threatening to take me to Iowa. I think this is the most evil dream I have ever had in my entire life. I may never sleep again.



Dear Grampa and Grandma,

The hospital is not a fun little place where you all need to take turns going and being probed. It is really getting on my nerves that I keep getting calls from home because of your confusion on this matter, you know i am trying my best to not communicate with the family. Please cut it out.

Yours sweetest granddaughter,
Other displays of inappropriate activity:
When I worked in a cube I would occasionally send a guy I worked with some sort of senseless game and he would respond and we would go back and forth and try to top eachother. (ie. "top my gay guy"= consisted of finding a picture on the internet of someone that was gayer than the one sent you.) Today, I get an IM, and while topping my gay guy we somehow started playing "funny word combinations using 'midget'". Here's what we have:
midget fury, midget recital, midget society, midget mountain, midget respect, "introducing the new Ford Midget', midget authority, midget machine, puff the midget dragon, edward midget hands.
Maybe I need a better way to fill my days.
Do I need to have anxiety over the fact that 3 people have called and want to go to free beer and 2 of them are 22 year old and Lurker boy? hmmm.... My gay friend with be there too, so maybe that will keep the balance. Poor 22 year old... I haven't hung out with him outside of free beer in a few weeks, so maybe he will bring a new girl with him. *cue Melanie telling me i am evil*

I wake up and check the email and find one from someone I don't know. It looks interesting enough, so I opened it and it is about 100 facts about Iowa. Yesterday, I got accused of being a bit overdramatic at times (because I SERIOUSLY almost bled to death and this guy could have cared less, heartless ass hole), but I think this is proof that the Scientologists REALLY are listening and they REALLY are out to get me and that they probably have a plan to nab me during free beer tonight.

I mean Iowa?!?!?!?! What kinda cruel joke is this crap?

Also, an email from Brad got me thinking. First, he seems to think that since Lurker Boy is lurking around the blog somewhere, that he needs to keep certain comments and criticisms edited for content. Brad, TOTALLY UNTRUE. He also threw out the idea that maybe I haven't found something to hate about him yet, is because he had access (unbeknownst to me) to the list before we actually went out.

My revelation:
When I posted the list Madmathias emailed me a response each item on the list and although he did not get all of them he did get extra credit for certain things, ie. "i own a shirt that says "dork, feel the sensation" ", and he got a pretty high score. So this proves the List is not totally unreasonable, and it is possible someone can meet the criteria, but maybe not many. When Lurker boy said he had read the site, he went ahead and told me that he graded himself on the list and got a 82%. Now the big revelation I have had, is that I think maybe Lurker boy is not altering himself, but MAYBE him and madmathias are the same person. They have the same name AND both know how to use the computer, I think I am onto something here. Brad and I really should work for the Scooby Doo Detective Agency. I will look into this before brad gets here in a few weeks.


How long does it take to bleed to death?

It looks like they are filming CSI in my apartment. My foot has been bleeding for 3 hours and I somehow think I might die before the end of the day, but i am tall, so maybe I have more blood and I can hold on til tomorrow. I might get to have fun tonight, and tomorrow is free beer, so I really hope neither is the case. I swear all these life threatening things ALWAYS happen at the most inconvenient times.

Lucky for me, my first class meets at the hospital tonight, so if I do collapse, they can swoop me right up. I hope that doesn't happen though because then I would miss the having the urge to kill myself during the ever so anticipated Sickle Cell Disorder presentation. Oh that reminds me, school blows.
I had forgotten how good it feels to get up and actually get stuff done during the daylight hours. Everyone I go to school with has been searching for internship sites for 2 months and all they ever talk about is how they can not find anyone that wants them or needs them. Well, on top of all the other amazing things I have done this morning, I picked up the phone and called a site I am looking at and the woman told me that she would be happy to give me 20 prisoners to work with. She didn't even request an interview with me. The state of GA really has quite the system going here, seeing as though I am not qualified in any sort of way, and was hoping my bullshit skills would get me through an interview.

Since that was so easy I made another call for more options and the man at the second place told me "yes we would love to have you and we even pay our interns". HOLY SMOKE BATMAN, this is easy stuff.

This is just more proof that the people I go to school with are idiots. I can procrastinate til the last minute and have no problem, meanwhile this is the "hardest thing they have ever had to do". It really is hard being superior.
Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!

Can someone explain to me why I have about 15 bruises all over my body? Either this new active lifestyle I have taken on is taking it's toll on me, or Achibald truly is evil and the flower he has is just a weapon to beat me up while I sleep. Even my back is bruised, how does that happen?

If this continues I will be the tallest living smurf, or maybe the exact opposite of an oompa loompa.


Dear fat girl in my class who doesn't bathe,

I apologize for laughing so hard when you fell out of your chair tonight, but for real, maybe you need two. I bet the airline would charge you double for this exact reason.

Ok so I normally don't do this stuff, and often judge people that do harshly, so don't worry about it happening again, but i told Madmathias I would so here it is.

First job: wearing a tuxedo delivering food to hospital patients
First screen name: anti_mania
First self purchased CD: Nevermind-Nirvana
First piercing/tattoo: ears as infant, tounge as teenager, no tatoos..too much commitment for me.
First true love: I have a problem with the word "True"...next
First enemy: do the clowns under my bed count

Last big car ride: BIG= driving to NH with my ex friend
Last kiss: good :)
Last library book checked out: Ishmeal-Daniel Quinn... 6 years ago, I still have book.
Last movie seen: Parts of Lost itranslationon while falling asleep
Last beverage drank: water
Last food consumed: sausage and eggs.
Last phone call: Melanie
CD played:Yea it's that easy- G love and Special Sauce
Last annoyance: My messy apartment
Last pop drank: Coke-a-cola
Last ice cream eaten: who knows.
Last time scolded: This weekend by melanie
Last shirt worn: Burgundy tank top

I AM: an "in the closet geek"
I WANT: someone to want
I HAVE: no midget, but I do have a gnome
I WISH: I never had to be bored, and that porto potties didn't have to exist
I HATE: the chewy part in chicken nuggets
I FEAR: I will never form my own cult
I HEAR: the fred's talking
I SEARCH: with a little red light
I WONDER: what happened to my old school uniform
I REGRET: Nothing
I LOVE: Banana Slurpees
I ALWAYS: Laugh when I am excited
I AM NOT: stupid
I DANCE: All the time, especially in the car.
I SING: see above
I CRY: not too often

YES or NO:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: Blog count?

DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: If you don't, you're lying.
EYE COLOR: green
COLOR: maroon
DAY: I like em all
MONTH: looking like March wins
SONG(S): Piano man-billy joel, one-u2, rodeo clowns-jack johnson and G love
SEASON: spring
DRINK: water

CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: a nice mixture of both

HELPED SOMEONE? Let someone turn in front of me on road
SAID 'i love you'?: what is this madness
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: if you count this.
MADE A BOY MOAN? no, sadly enough

I think I am in a slight funk today. I was thinking a good song lyric in the comments section would really be the thing to cheer me up. (hint)

That sums up my softball experience. Appaertly I have problems walking in white socks. I never, ever fall and bust my bum in the knee high stripes, but man you put some white socks on me and I am all over the ground. Besides the white socks and no booty, it wasn't that bad. I might even go as far as saying that it might have been fun, but i have to be careful saying that so I can keep up my indifferent, "understating" persona. AND, I actually hit the ball.
Other News:
THE BOY has made it back to the states and has been calling. I guess I have a had a few too many of Brads drunken rants about the situation and this is the first time ever, I have not answered the calls. I think maybe it finally pisses me off that he seems to have a radar out on me, and when i get happy about something else he suddenly shows up again. Brad, you would be so proud of me!


Why are these quizzes so accurate? Seriously, how can quiz know so much about me? I highlighted the most accurate points.

You're Lolita!
by Vladimir Nabokov

Considered by most to be depraved and immoral, you are obsessed with
What really tantalizes you is that which deviates from societal standards in every
way, though you admit that this probably isn't the best and you're not sure what causes
this desire. Nonetheless, you've done some pretty nefarious things in your life, and
probably gotten caught for them. The names have been changed, but the problems are real.Please stay away from children.

Take the Book Quizat the Blue Pyramid.


Lurker boy just called and said that his company soft ball team was down a girl tonight and he needed to find a girl to play, and wanted to know if I would.
Now here is what I meant to say:
"Hey, dude... I think maybe you are a bit confused about me. I thoroughly enjoy sitting on my ass doing nothing. I am not a physical person, and when I was I ran cross country and swam because team sports make me want to vomit. I am not a joiner and rarely play well with others, I am the girl that sits back and makes fun of people from side lines. Oh and do you remember me breaking my shoulder shooting guns this weekend, that might play a role in me hitting anything, anyway."

But somehow when I spoke, all that came out was:
"Sure man, what time?!?"

And the guy has known me for a bit more than a week and he says "there'll be free beer after". It took him no time to figure out the right buttons to push. I don't think i have ever even played softball, at my highschool it is what the man hating lesbians did and, well you know, the man haters were not really my crowd. It is going to be hilarious to see how big of an ass I make out of myself tonight.



Just when I think the woman has really flipped her damn lid she went and bought more tupperware. I have not really spoken to my mother in over a month and i called because i needed a question answered today. Try to follow this. If it makes sense to you please feel free to explain it to me.

Apparently, my father has gotten all into some political stuff and someone else that is all investigating with him got his house raided on child pornography charges and they didn't find anything but a bong. So my mom freaks out and says that they are coming after them next and she just knows that I have some old "Dope paraphernalia" in the attic, and she had to stay up all night one night trying to find it, because if the FBI broke down their door, it would be my fault if they went to jail.

*side note*... When will the evil of the world not be my fault? I have never once lived in the house they are in and i was away in college when she packed my stuff and threw away all my things. She found the first pipe she ever found in my room, which means it was one that SHE kept. (I asked why and she said it was pretty HAHAHAHAHA)

So I ask my mom if maybe she is being a little bit paranoid and that maybe this child porn guy is not the guy they think he is, and my mom replies "NO, I AM NOT PARANOID, I CAN'T TELL YOU ANYMORE, THE PHONE COULD BE TAPPED!"

I laughed my ass off at the last comment, (like really fell off couch and started snorting) and when she asked why i was laughing, I said "oh well that is because you have flipped your damn lid, and I think you are nuts" and went back to snorting. This is when she told me that she hopes I am still laughing when her and my father show up dead, and hung up. I continue to laugh even now, an hour after the conversation. And the best part is, she has somehow found a way to make this my fault. CLASSIC! In summary from what i get from this, my mother is nuts, and is having delusions of more ways she thinks i have ruined their life.

Of course I laugh now but she really is the reason no one is ever going to love me. I need to start working on a plan now to avoid having to introduce her to any potential guy.
I am so bored! My back and shoulder hurt from the fight with the gun, I am hungry, I want a puppy, I want a cranberry bagel with veggie cream cheese but the place is closed, I want to see Dawn of the Dead, I want to slip-n-slide, I want Kool-Aid (flavor: red) really bad but I don't think you can buy any beverage that taste good on Sunday in GA so I won't try, I want to play chess, and the worst part is, all my imaginary friends went out to have fun without me and there is no one around for me to whine to. Life is rough!

So some of you remember Catholic Boy, refer to post on 1.7.04 if not. He was straight up, psychotic and needed anger management in the worst way. So I have been hanging out with "new Boy" who will be referred to as Lurker Boy for now on. On Wednesday, we went out and he came to my place and I introduced him to Archy, made midget jokes, and told stories that are all on my blog. I noticed he fell into the list pretty well, but there were certain things seemed odd. ie. He asked about musical instruments, and i said "why you a drummer", his reply was "um no... well kinda ..... I know how and I have my own kit". I didn't think much of it.

Friday night we are out drinking and he says "I have a confession", so I think well "shit here it comes he is married with three kids, or he is a woman, or maybe he was a midget wearing stilts." Turns out all it was, is that the friend that introduced him felt the need to give him my blog and he had been reading it since before we actually went out. He was winning this little game I like to call "get to know you", and he was quoting me while doing it. He knew everything about me for the past 2 months. So first I feel like a huge tard because I had written about him, and then I think back to catholic boy who ACCIDENTALLY goggled my name and then all but sent me a bomb in the mail, but Lurker boy didn't seem to be on that level. Actually it is cool that he read all that and STILL wanted to hang out with me. He also felt really bad and could have continued to read it without telling me and made me more of the fool, but didn't. So Lurker boy told me it was fair game if there was anything I wanted to know about him, and the only thing I really asked was "would you rather be roommates with a Caulkin or got to a celine dione concert wearing her tshirt and pretend to be the biggest fan?".... MARCI WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!... I am sure the are other things you should have asked ...like "have you every claimed to have been to Iowa?", "are any of your friends Scientologists?", or "How would you feel about worshiping me?" Oh well missed my chance to learn the really important things.

So I have determined that Lurker Boy is not psycho, and if he was, I think I would be fine with it because he thinks I am beautiful, kisses my forehead, and at least pretended to laugh at some of my jokes and I had a great time with him. And hey being as shallow as I am, that is really all I need. Well there is something else I need.... but I digress.

He took me to shoot guns yesterday, not like killing animal shoot guns, but shoot little clay thingy shoot guns. I had no clue a guy holding a gun could be a turn on, even the 500 year old man that was there looked good doing it. I guess the only time I have seen a guy holding a gun it was a cop and pointed at me and that wasn't such a turn on at the time. Anyway, Stay out of my way it is possible I am the best shooter EVER. Well maybe my skill is a bit off, but I hit 5 little clay thingys. Yes that also means that I didn't hit 45 of them, but I couldn't have shown all my skill the first time. AND to top that off I have war wounds. That is my shoulder this morning. Any guy I can go out with and come home all bruised up, is ace in my book.
Oh yea I had to type this with one hand becuase my freaking shoulder is killing me. Now that I see the picture, I think Lurker Boy might have tried to kill me. THANKS A LOT MAN!!!!



Today i made the 80 mile trek to my old place of employment for lunch with some old peeps, and apparently Bert was just content sitting in his parking place on this nice day. He got all pissed off when i told him how far we were going and begged to stay here. I said no, we are going, so he decided to push his back window down all the way. The motor went out a few months ago and it will fall a few inches and i have just been pushing it back up. Well today he pushed it all the way down to get back at me for making him go that far, so i had to pull off the road and buy duct tape. True GA redneck style. The window was about to go all the way into the door where i would not have been able to fish it out. I am so embarrassed.


No seriously, last night at the bar a very drunk midget really walked in. If that is not a sign from the gods that the night is going good, I don't know what is. AND to top it he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. That has now been added to my list of outfits for my midget once I finally get one.

Went out with new boy last night and had a really good time. Well except for the bathroom incident where i walked in and some English man was peeing all over the walls of the women's bathroom, but hey that is entertainment. Anyway, he (new boy not the reckless urinating English man) gave me a genius, well maybe not so much genius as much as something i had just not thought of, idea for my client. I had a meeting with the state agency this morning and i took his idea for my own and got high praise from the woman I am working with. Now if only i can get someone to write all my papers for me and take all my tests for me to claim as my own i will be set. (just occurred to me the title "new boy" is not working for me. I will work on this. And no boz, he is not 22, nor is he a midget, nor is he Brazilian)

Also, I thought i should keep my loyal fans posted on the fact that I am dying. I know i say this a bit, but today i am 100% serious. My head hurts and my face is bright red and 800 degrees. I think the Mexican lawn mowers have given me sinus. As if it wasn't bad enough they interrupted woke me up this morning, now they are trying to kill me. They better watch their back, Archibald is ready to fight for me. If I die without one last free beer Thursday, it will be a sad sad death.


Dearest black women of the world who do this,

WHY WHY WHY, do you feel the need to get blonde white extensions in your hair and then to top it off where the braids in pigtails? I understand I saw the woman described standing waiting for the bus between the medical center and the strip club, and she was wearing scrubs, and maybe she was educated, but I saw her and thought that maybe the Diamond Club had stripping nurses. This is unattractive and when the sun light hits it, it blinds oncoming drivers.

I will wait for your reply.


ps. sorry I almost ran you over but I would have pled innocent due to your light reflecting hair if I had killed you and probably won.
Archibald has expressed concerns that he needs a playmate when I am not here. We have been having such a good time playing chess and taking turns reading out loud to eachother and jumping on the bed, and dropping slinkys down the stairs that when i leave he gets bored. He has asked me to get him a pink flamingo to play with.

I thought about this for a minute and I realized that any yard I past in FL NEVER had both gnomes AND flamingos. Everyone knows that in FL the flamingo came first, so this must mean that gnomes eat pink flamingos. Arch is trying to trick me into getting a new friend so that he can maliciously eat him. I told Archibald that i was onto his games and FRIENDS DON'T EAT FRIENDS! I also told him that while i am in class he can clean and make me presents for my return.

He is pouting now, was i too rough?



I have just made a decision to ruin my life. Yes, that's right. I knowingly, in full awareness did something that in no way is not going to make me miserable. Well not my entire life but a few months starting in May. I won't bore you with the details, but you need to tell me that I didn't screw things up too bad and it will be possible to lead a normal fun-filled, midget loving life with the decision i made. And also, that sleep is not all to important.

Someone?!? Buller?!?
There is a girl in all of my classes that I actually like and we generally spend the entire class time writing notes back and forth to eachother and making fun of people and talking about how we need to get laid. So since I have just recently discovered I have an exam tonight I called her to make sure I have not missed anything, since the last time class met I bitched out the teacher and walked out and might have missed some information.

Me: Man J, I just remembered we have an exam tonight and I can not find one piece of information to study that does not seem like common sense, what am I missing?
*i laugh, hose were my exact words last night*
Me: Yea, I guess this mean over half the class forgot about it, huh?
J: Girl, I don't know but I don't care, I got so much booty over spring break ain't nothing gonna get me down.
Me: Ok cool, that was the thought process I was holding on to as well, so no worries.
J: Straight up.
Me: wanna meet before class and discuss booty that has been thrown our way.
J: sure as long as you don't mention the exam
Me: see you at 4.

This conversation goes to show you that graduate students are just as focused as the rest of the population.

Yea that's right. How many other girls do you know that can open a door with minimal force and pull the knob off. I swear I don't know my own strength sometimes. Maybe I should have kept this to myself, boys might be scared of me now.

Anyway, it might be easy to rob me until maintenance fixes it. Good thing I have Archibald to protect my things. But on a brighter note, this makes it more likely that there will be a tall smart good looking boy in my apartment when I get home from class. I say BRING IT ON!



me: hey
Melanie: hey
Me: how was your day
Melanie: good ...blah blah blah... and tomorrow..
Me: OH SHIT TOMORROW I HAVE AN EXAM!!! I've got to go. Click.

i am a horrible student!

Today I went to the mailbox and my mail lady had a package for me. As I was carrying it back to my apartment, it started moving and i heard a noise coming from inside. I took off running to get inside so I could open it. As soon as I had the tape removed out jumped Archibald. He latched onto my neck and I thought back to all you people who told me gnomes were evil and i flipped out, thinking that i had invited this evil into my life. But then after a second I realized he was hugging me and then he extended me a flower. He came with a letter saying his previous owner allowed her husband to occasionally whack him across the face with his phallus. Needless to say he is here now and safe, and MAN IS THIS LITTLE GUY HAPPY! I think he is going to be the blog mascot from now on.

Here are a few snapshots of my new buddy Archibald:

He had a bit of energy after being shipped from Utah, so I allowed him to jump on the bed, it is only fair that if i can, he can too. Oh that silly gnome!

He thought it was funny people told me he might be evil, so here he is playing with a red light trying to look scary. I said "archibald, that is not very scary" but he continued to say "wwwhhhhooooo" until I took the picture.

And naturally, after awhile I lost my energy and made Archibald clean the kitchen. After this he is going to take out the trash and bring me a beer.

Thanks Kristin! Archibald is Happy, as am I!

All I have to say is:


I am as happy as a fat kid eating cake, wait a minute... I am eating cake.

Changing the radio channel while driving and hearing a song that reminds you of something so vividly you forget your driving and it doesn't even matter if you get in an accident because at this point you would die with the best thoughts, but the song is almost over. And just as you are feeling upset that you REALLY want to hear the whole thing you look up at the CD's on the visor and realize that you have something as random as a burned CD with the words Jim Croce written on it. These are the perks of NEVER cleaning your car out.


Scanning the CD after listening to "I Got a Name" 4 times to see what else is on it, and finding the last track is a Kid Rock song you have never heard in your life and listening to the lyrics and trying to figure out how this song got onto the CD that YOU made. EXPLICIT LYRICS.
I am not sure what happened today, but I am so happy. Not the "marci bounce off the walls and sing and dance" type of happy, but the "i am so chill and as i sit here, doing nothing, sunshine is coming out of my ears" kind of happy. Been a long time since i have had this happy. Maybe I am getting old.



So we all know I don't like children all that much, and I never want any of my own, but there are times when seeing a happy kid makes me want to run and play with them (as long as I can send them home when I am done). Little cute happy kids are pretty cool. Today at the store there was this little boy, probably about 4, and he was walking behind his mother talking to himself and to various food items on the shelves. He was SO happy, and cute, and just bounced up and down the isles behind his mom jabbering away to himself. This little boy was SO awesome. He grinned ear from ear, AND THEN .......

His mother turned around and in a raised tone said "How many times do I have to tell you that no one cares what you have to say, will you shut the fuck up!" The little boy just looked at her and you could physically see the smile fade slowly into the saddest look ever and his little bouncy body went all limp and he just started silently walking behind his mom. Those words would have hurt MY feelings but I am old enough to cognitively process it, all this little boy knows is what mommy says is true. And I know from experience that if this is the way she talks to him in public, that in private it is 10x's worse. Poor kid, will always think no one gives a shit about him.

Ok yes I don't have kids and i am not about to tell people how to parent, but I believe you don't use the word fuck around kids, ESPECIALLY when addressing them and the parent is the primary source of a kids happiness, and responsible for the kids self esttem development and this woman is blowing it. So I walked by the little sad lump of flesh and smiled at him and said "hey, I was hearing ya". The little kid perked back up and smiled at me and his mom told me to "mind my own goddamn business". I just smiled back at the kid and walked off.

Maybe I should have minded my own business, but I think this woman has no right raising a kid. In about 10 years she is going to wonder why her kid is a deliquent and hates her. You should have to have a license to breed.

Mindless rant done.


A few moons ago when Gap did the ads where they had people dancing, I fell completely in love with Will Kemp.

He was made for me and as much as i tried to stalk him to let him know he was my secret boyfriend, I could not find him. That's right, I was so in love I was going to clue him in on it. But no, my internet stalking turned up nothing of use to enable me to stand outside his window and stare while occasionally slipping letters with the "I's" dotted in hearts under his door.

An example of letters I had prepared in case I found him one day:
*I love you.
*I want to have your babies.
*Don't be shocked when the girl you hung out with last night shows up dead.
*FYI. You are not missing any underwear, and ..... I am definitely not wearing them!... i cross my heart and hope to die.
*When are you going to come out here to the bushes and acknowledge me. I swear I contain no Carbs *wink*.

Now Gap has done it again. I have spent the last hour trying to figure out who the guy in the new commercial is and i can't do it. Someone please tell me you know him, or at least his name, I can handle it after that. I have been studying up on this stalking thing, PLEASE I JUST NEED A NAME!

Here is the list... if i forgot you let me know. Or if anyone else is intrested.
Belle: If I ever get the address

Letters will be prepared tomorrow, when my neighbor leaves for church so I can finally concentrate without his elephant breeding practices interfering. Hopefully things will be mailed on Monday, so there will be a bit of "Marci Sunshine TM" coming to a mailbox near you by the end of the week. (I sure hope you are not expecting something big).


I was just talking to Melanie is the same loving way we always do, and i said:

"Fatty fatty 2x4, can't fit through the bathroom door."

Now I am wondering why that song was sang to fat people and not midgets. It seems that if you are 2 foot by 4 foot there are so many more things that people should be making fun of you for.
Dear Liver,
I AM SO SORRY!!!! Please don't die on me.
Love you,

Last night Melanie and i went to free beer and met some boys and went to eat with them after. (this is after I somehow got stalked by an Arabian guy, that wanted me to introduce him to Mel, and when he was waiting for me out of the bathroom, I had no choice, I think I am still in trouble for that). While at Felini's one guy needed to go home and the other decided to come back and hang out with us. On the way home he was following us and we got to thinking, "hey dude, some random guy is following us to my apartment". So we called a friend to get him to come hang out. Well Drew was at a kareoke bar and said he couldn't come, he could however, have his "manager/landlord/mentor" come pick us up. I was not really in shape to go to a bar, but Drew lured me with the fact that the guy he has wanted me to meet for about a year was going to be there, so I said "what the Hell". So me, mel, and random guy got picked up and went.

Drew was nicely toasted when we got there and felt the need to continuously show his nipples to everyone, and I think he licked my face a few times. All while wearing a "TOO MANY MATHALETES HAVE DIED" T-shirt that I was so jealous of. Then the manager/landlord/mentor went and sang Prince "I would die for you" and Drew walks up to me and snaps his fingers behind my back and says "DUDE Marc, I need your bra". I realize at that point the quick little snap of his had actually undone my bra. For some reason i respected his skill so much that I agreed and drew and i ducked to corner where I did the whole arms in shirt bra removal thing. He then proceeded to throw my bra at his manager. GOOD TIMES. For some reason Drew makes things sound really fun at the time and you end up just going along with it.

I sat down and tried to avoid the mayhem, when Drew's friend walks up to me and sits down. Drew has been trying to get me to meet this guy forever. He has been described, in Drew's words, as "tall, hippish, well read, funny, the smartest guy he knows, and drew is one of the smartest guys I know so i respect that judgment, and that he thinks we would make an all around good match". That sounds like a good resume to me. We ended up sitting there making fun of people the rest of the night and taking shots. Drew was right he was tall smart and funny. But he didn't mention the fact that he had the really curly soft hair. I think that puts it over the top. GOOD JOB DREW.

Eventually we left and Drew's manager/landlord/mentor took, including random guy, who was still with us, home with drew in the front seat. And Drew's friend called today to make sure we got back ok since Drew has no memory of riding in the car to get us home.

Tonight I guess I'm am going out with Drew's friend, but somehow I think my liver is forming an army to fight me on this one.


Mommy dearest,
Tonight a neighbor knocked on my door and asked for a wire hanger and I went to find one, and GUESS WHAT? I didn't have one. NOT ONE! I am SO high class and had no clue. The reason I write is not to live in the delusion you will be proud but to just say thank you. I still have nightmares about you going fucking nuts, that subconsciously I got rid of all wire hangers, thus preventing me from having to do another nice thing today. I filled the quota at the store today and would hate to be seen as someone that did two nice things in one day.

Thanks again,


Stroke of genius!
I am cleaning up and I have found a book of stamps from the pre-e-bill pay days, and a few things that I was about to throw out but someone else might find a use for. So I figure in a way to better let you all in on my life, I would send you something random I don't need anymore. All you have to do is e-mail me an address, anti_mania@hotmail.com, and I will send you something. The first 8 people (I laugh that there are 2 people who MIGHT email me and I am asking for 8) will get something, because I only have 8 stamps. You have until Friday morning.

Belle, you really need to get in on this, something really cool for you.
Weird Part 1:
So I just went to the grocery store and get into the only line that has one person in it, but she did have about 500,987,234 items, but I thought it would be faster than the other lines. So I start watching the cashier and he is so slow it is almost comical. I was looking around because I was sure I was being punked. But I ended up standing there for 5 minutes and I did not get irritated.

Weird Part 2:
some lady came up behind me in line and started talking to me. This is not so weird, people often have the urge to talk to me occasionally, what was weird is she was eating some of her groceries and normally I think people that eat their food in the store are gross and not worthy of my conversation, but I talked back. STRANGE!

Weird Part 3:
then I look up and the cashier moves over and bags has to now bag the groceries and he proceeds to do this even slower. This is normally where I start getting huffy and rolling my eyes, but I just stood and talked to the woman eating donuts behind me.

So finally it was my turn and I went and all was fine and I said good bye to my new donut eating friend and left.

Weird part 4:
On my way to my car the old lady, that just wasted 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back, was just getting to her car with the 500,987,234 items and she was having a hard time, so for some reason before I knew what had happened, I had stopped and offered to help her load her car.
where in the hell did Marci go and bring her back immediately.


Today was a happy mailbox day!
I had a package from Jonnie. I can not tell you what it was but I can tell you that with everything else we have in common, we are now both Pirates. The fun never ends with him.

this part is for Jonnie only: (stop reading if you are not Jonnie)
This is a picture of what I think our secret, ahem, and-hay ake-shay you mentioned in the letter should be. Now that we both pirates and all I find it fitting. You will get a package soon.


You ever wonder what Marci and Melanie do when they get drunk?
It is not a good idea to sit out on a nice day and drink beer for 1.5 hours and then decide to dye your hair. It is possible (and probable) you will have red hair. Now you know.

Hey guys, I might be a red head now. But that is ok, becuase it matches my sunburned skin at the moment.


Beware of the Balloon Animals!!
Today at the store Melanie and I were looking for something to keep us busy tonight and we found a Balloon Animal Kit. We come home and the balloons are apparently made of tire rubber and we can not get them blown up. So I take one and think that if I can stretch out the rubber, it might be easier, so naturally I hook it up to the sink and make a 4 foot water balloon. Then, I let the water out and try to blow it up again. NO! All I got was the strong urge to pass out. It reminded me of childhood, when Diana and I snuck out of the house and went to the neighborhood playground and used balloons for recreational drugs, only this time there were no drugs and I still almost past out. Eventually I got one blown up and I had a headache and my face was completely white, so we gave up.

I was thinking that there was no way these things could be made for kids and then I looked at the package again and realized that in fact they WERE NOT made for kids. If that had been the case "balloon sword" would have been enough for this rather phallic picture.
So far this weekend:

-While wearing booty shorts, phone rings, voice "hey there are five of us and we are outside your apartment right now", Me: "Hell no I am wearing booty shorts"
-I went out and ended up at what seemed to be a college reunion. Strange how we all ended up in Atlanta in a 10 mile radius from eachother and I had no clue.
- Watched Runaway Jury (really good), Pieces of April (some good parts and kinda tell the story of my life with my family), and Matchstick Men (decent).
- Found out Chick Fil A has a Saturday breakfast buffet, and went (good times)
-realized that there are 9 (or IX) Malcoms I have not seen.
-made jello shots and then got told I wasn't allowed to eat them.
-Played Frisbee in the Park.
-Ate sushi and frozen yogurt.
-Seriously threatened to throw Melanie out of the car.
-Found out the answer to the proverbial "what would you do if an alien came out of my stomach?" turns out Melanie would run away and leave me for dead. NOT NICE!
-got to ride in Melanies car (AKA "The Mitsubishi"). Where we got to screech all the way down the road, well because, her car kicks ass.
-Got in trouble for not building a raft out of popsicle sticks for a tour up the Mississippi River, (Melanies dream spring break)

Today: going back to park in tank top and shorts to throw ball and meet me a dirty hippy. Life is good. (all you northerners should be SO jealous)


Melanie and I have a game that I would like to refer to as "Belly". We sit on the couch and watch tv and occasionally we bitch about being fat and then we raise our shirts a bit to expose the belly in sitting position (one of the most attractive belly positions) and say "BELLY" or if we are feeling wild we say "hi Belly". That is it! We really are fun fun people.

She will be here in 5 minutes, and then the games can begin. Bet you wish you were here
Dear girl in cute white mini skirt last night at free beer,

Weren't you SO embarrassed?



I am currently sitting in the GSA library administering psychological tests to a client. This blows!!! I guess there are people that do this for a living and enjoy it... but dear lord this is boring as hell. I give them the test and wait, and then I send it off to get scored and then I wait and then I read the detailed report the scoring company sends me back.

Do people really need education to do this job? I think it is possible those people are wasting their money on school.
In my boredom, I offer you this:

I know everyone has seen the physics formula for Girls=evil
but, have you seen:

First we state that men need time, money, girl and sex.
Men = Time x Money x Girl x Sex

We all know "time is money."
Time = Money

Men = Money x Money x Girl x Sex

And we all know to many men:
Girl = Sex

As for men's proof showing "girls are evil" So
Girl = Evil then,
Evil = Sex

Men = Money x Money x Evil x Evil
Men = Money^2 x Evil^2

And because "money is the root of all evil."
Men = (sqrt(Evil))^2 x Evil^2
Men = Evil x Evil^2
Men = Evil^3

Men's proof:
Girl = Evil

Girl's proof:
Men = Evil^3

So we are forced to conclude men are more evil than girls.

Fun research fact of the day:
Maybe not fact, but a study that was done. Feel free to tell me Levinson was a dumb ass. (that might make me feel better.

A man named Levinson did a study and concluded that Men have four "seasons" in life. In the second season (age 17-45) men will develop a dream, a mentor relationship, occupation, and a love relationship, usually a marriage partner. In the study he concluded that most men will enter a stage around age 30 where they re-evaluate these decisions, and often alter one or all of them, do to final maturation and mature full awareness of "who they are and what they really want and don't want"

HMMMM, looks like I need to add "must be age 32 or above" to my list. I think this list is getting out of control. It would be so much easier to be dumb about things sometimes.


Jack and G Love won't get out of my head:

"Well I woke up this morning,
a rainbow filled the sky
Well that was God tellin' me,
Everything's gonna be alright"

Second Verse, as good as, the first.

"Well so long good friend
When will we meet again
Well I don't know, I don't know
But I guess I'm 'a see you then"

*dances back to class*



How insane I got so protective over someone I barely ever talk to today. Someone that rarely jumps to my side of the fence and never has anything to say about the way I get treated. But when she had an issue and called me i actually got mad, and I hate that because it happens so infrequently that I really don't know how to handle it. Shaking and crying and kicking stuff? What the hell is that?

All I have to say is that noone better mess with the 3 people I consider close friends, not for their sake, but because if this is how I reacted to someone I rarely talk to, I think my physical being would explode if say today's call was from Melanie or Brad.
I promise no more angry post. Angry is not a good color on me.
I'm sorry for my momentary lapse of a 5 year old brat. That is normally not my style and now I feel bad, so if you read the post please ignore it and know that is not the way I normally deal with problems, if you didn't you are better off not knowing that I have issues.

I am still incredibly pissed off, but after meeting for 1.5 hours with a man that has hepitis and hiv, I realize my problems are really not as bad as things could be.

For Melanie, Zann, Kevin(whoever he is), and anyone else that was cool enough to catch the reference, but not cool enough to comment.

"That's Beautiful Man"


Just when I thought life could not get any better......
I have shown up as the #1 spot when searching "geekness sexiness". I knew there was someone out there looking for what I got. This just proves to me more that Google is the most ingenious thing EVER!

Is it sad google knows me better than most of my friends?
(we are talking the good belly laugh)

1. The thought that every retarded Asian midget out there is being mistaken for an American Idol reject that has no clue what the words "humiliation" and "self respect" mean. And his last name is Hung, THAT ROCKS!

2. This conversation, that might not even be that funny, but I can't stop laughing at.
Jonnie701: I think I'm going to bring home a random person from the bus and inform them that they are now officially "my friend"
subliminalsilenc: I tried that once, he humped my leg, I think he took it the wrong way
subliminalsilenc: be careful out there.

3. I ordered pizza and when the guy knocked on the door I opened it and he stared at me like I was strange and I realized I was wearing my tiara, and said "WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE A STUDY TIARA!", then I turned my nose up and closed the door.

4. Seinfeld was the episode where they told Jerry to not be funny, so I have been trying to see if I can do it, and after about 30 seconds I tell my self a joke out loud, and then laugh for the next 5 minutes. Turns out I can't not be funny.

5. Melanie's post. Because I am not sure if you all know the song, but if you do you know how hard that "sssaaavvee me" note is to get, and the fact that I REALLY did call her at 8 every Wednesday so I could get an audience for my rendition, is funny as hell.
6. The fact that Melanie just called and almost hung up on me because she "didn't know how to handle my mood". What is wrong with long distance constant laughing and snorting and REALLY FUNNY comments?

Am I high? I don't know, maybe I am high on March.

Did the original movie use estrogen as a the formula to remove the badness, or was that just the newer ones?

If that is the magic serum that would allow me to win over this "March alter ego", I think I need some. I have gotten nothing done, two tests I can't seem to study for tomorrow, my ID is totally out of control, and all I want to do is play. (is it a pun when it is a word in a word play?) (if so it was past tense intended)

It is like I am Punky Brester and I think maybe it will be fun to lock my friends in refidgerators the day after I skipped the CPR seminar.
Or like I am Alex Ketton and I want to take as many uppers as I can so I can roll across the floor real fast in my chair.
Or maybe like I am Kimmy Gibler and I want tell DJ the only way to not have to eat in the phone booth at lunch is to go a bit slutty and compete with all the other freshman that "grew up" over the summer.