{Subliminal Silence}
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
Disclaimer: If I know you, your name might show up here. Problems? Stop doing stupid stuff.
contact me

I like email

Rules of the Blog
My List
Good Stuff

Real World
Hard Artist
Enhanced Shenanigans

Brought to you by:

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?


Would it be wrong of me to visit about 50 gas stations and instead of giving a penny, take the pennies? I am thinking maybe I could pay rent if I hit enough of them.

I think I am moving up North. I can't be too sure seeing as though it was a really vivid dream I had last night, but when I woke up, I looked at my call log on my phone and it turns out I talked to THE BOY at some point in the middle of the night. This is something I do quite often, talk to people while I am sleeping and have no recall of the conversation. So if who ever is on "Marci Stalking Duty" this week, could you tell me if I woke up and had a conversation about that, or if it really was a dream? I am not sure this is a situation where I need to say, "hey man, did we talk last night?"

Also, i got some of the dirtiest looks I have ever received in my life today. So what if there are 3 hours allotted for a 20 page mid term, and I finish in 30 minutes. There is really no need for all the sighs and grunts when I stand up and walk out. I also knew every question but one on the test, but I got 10 extra credit points, so when I get the test back next week I am going to cause a scene about how good i did. I wish these people would deal with their issues of me being better than them and move on with it.


So I alluded to a guy in my class I might have a slight crush on.... Well after class tonight we ended up walking out at the same time and both had the long 10 block trek back to our cars, so I said something lame incredibly funny about class to start a conversation. He was laughing and there was magic in the air and I think there were even little blue birds flying around us as we strolled. THAT'S RIGHT WE STROLLED. Well, that is until, THE INCIDENT.
*cue creepy drum*
We were crossing the road, at an unofficial crosswalk, because we are both daredevils, when a car load of punks drives by and one of them hangs out the side of the car and yells "NIPPLES". I think maybe I have mentioned my erectile dysfunction before, but as a recap, for some reason I am ...um... easily excited or constantly cold, who knows. Well, this one word, bounced around between the buildings in downtown for so long, you could still hear it when I got to my car. I, of course, played it cool and curled up fetal position and cried til BOY#2 walked away.

Alternate Ending
I played it cool even though my face might have been all red, and said, "whoa, look at Captain Obvious", and we laughed and then when we got to the parking deck.... he thought it would be ok to ask for my number...since we have a test coming up. UH HUH... good cover BOY#2. Oh yea, I think he loves me.
Dear mister homeless man that sat down to chat with me in the park,

Thank you so much for lighting the blunt and blowing it into my face. I would also like to commend you on your weed etiquette, by the gesture of trying to give me a "puff". I hope you didn't think I was rude when I did not take it, but I am not feeling up for Hepititis today or gonnerea of the mouth/face or herpes, what ever that may have been on your face. I am not mad at you for making me to go to class smelling like the rag weed you were smoking, it could be worse, maybe you are used to it and not aware but you were actually the worse smelling human being that has ever been that close to me. Hope to see you Thursday!

He tried to find a pict of me, but as most of my friends he had none. So here is a picture for him to put whenever he is sad and misses me. FYI: those are absolutely real tears.

While talking to Brad tonight, instead of attending to the the mountains of work I have to do, I was trying to think about what I have to give up.... hotness, smartness, or my amazing sense of humor. Turns out I need all of them. I am all vain and probably couldn't live the life of an ugly person (although I got nothing but love for all the uglies out there). Don't get me wrong, if I was the girl in Seven and I could kill myself or call for help after getting my nose cut off, i would call for help, but then immediately find a sugar daddy that dabbled in plastic surgery. I also spend too much time by myself, and that requires me to be funny so I can stay amused. And I don't buy that whole ignorance is bliss thing, I am pretty sure I could not be a happy person if i was stupid. So I was at a loss, because I know there is not a guy out there that wants ALL THREE, don't argue me on this, you know it is true, UNTIL, I realized that maybe I don't need to lose one.... i need to ADD one. The one thing I have never tried is the psycho thing. EVERYONE KNOWS THE PSYCHO GIRL ALWAYS GETS THE GUY.

So there is this guy in my class that REALLY reminds me of THE BOY. He has yet to talk to me, mainly because I have all 3 without the psycho yet, we throw glances back and forth to eachother when someone says something dumb as hell. So tomorrow I am going to walk up to him and say "Hi, I think I love you. If you will let me have your babies, I will stop chewing on my toenails in class."
I am 100% sure that this is going to work. Tomorrow, I am going to have a BOY#2.


Mailbox Blues
By: Marci
Dedicated to Brad
I went to the mailbox... ba na na nrt
I had a pink package slip...ba na na nrt
The front office is closed.... ba na na nrt

*big musical interlude*

I have to fill my time...ba na na nrt
not think about boxes... ba na na nrt
but I am OCD.... ba na na nrt

Ps... Brad I think i got my package, but i can't be sure, the matthews woman in there tried to steal my last one
Last week when I was hanging out with THE BOY, we got into a discussion on how the people in our undergrad were actually smarter than the ones we are meeting in the graduate programs, but we decided maybe we were just smarter than most and it just seemed that way. Well today in my Cognition class, which is a Psychology graduate level class, meaning that everyone in there has had some background in the field, someone was giving a presentation on how sleep affects memory, and at the end she asked if there were questions. One girl in the back of the room yells out:

"Are the frontal lobe and hippocampus parts of the brain?"

She was dead serious!!!!!! (I know because i turned around in my seat and said "ARE YOU SERIOUS" and she said yes) HOLY SHIT, how do these people get to the level they do. I always figured this to be common knowledge. How in the hell did she get through an undergrad biology class, much less a major in psychology with out knowing the make up of the brain? I was required to know the parts of the brain in high school, and since I am in this program, I know exactly with each part does. I really am superior to many many people.
I have been on the Earth for 24 and part 2 years and managed to never get dumped. Times are a changing. I have to leave the details out (gist: I tried to give him the out 2 days earlier but he wouldn't take it til he was sure he could get back with his ex) since, they made me roll on the floor laughing, and that in turn means someone else might not find the humor. Why is it I think he might not get the humor? Because while spending 2 hours trying to tell me to get to stepping he used the line:
"I don't want you to think that you are not good enough for me"
That is fantastic. That will be funny to me for a long time. It made me question if he had ever actually had a conversation with me. Everyone knows that i am better than EVERYONE... but the fact he chose those words means that he actually thinks I am NOT good enough for him. (I am so tempted to put bullet points here but wont) I will leave it at that and let you all find your own humor in it.


I made a comment about how badly I did on a test the other day, due to the fact that I didn't study because the strong call of my friend the beer won out the war, and the fact that I stayed up all night the night before, and how I showed up tired and hungover to take the test, and because I had the strong urge to vomit in the middle of the test so I maybe did not read ALL of the multiple choice questions and just threw down answers so I could leave and go crawl into a gutter and die with my new homeless friend Row Row.

Well I was all nervous about it once the hangover went away and maybe a little suicidal, but alas, got test back today and I got a 98%. WHO"S THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD?!??!?!?

Oh wait, that is me!
One more thing.... I am a total hypocrite, but I have come to terms with it. I tried to rationalize why one situation is totally different than another one, and I feel I did a good job, because I still feel that my situation is still different than the other persons because I am closing doors and not opening then, but in actuality, I have a feeling we have both been do equal things that if admitted might not seem so ok, so I am going to lose my ego and sit back and enjoy seeing how the novel (to me at least) situation like this pans out. I have a feeling that there is going to be certain irony to be found soon.


Recipe for fireworks in a small place:

1. A few days before you want fire works, buy Capri Sun and put half in the freezer to eat slushie style and half in fridge to drink. Drink all the ones in the fridge.

2. Drink a good bit of wine pathetic style (you know, while by yourself)

3. Once you have had enough wine and get thirsty look for a Capri Sun in the fridge, and remember that they are all frozen in the freezer.

4. Take one out of the freezer and without thinking about it, put it in the microwave to defrost for a few seconds.

5. Once you hear the BOOM!!!! Run to kitchen and enjoy the show.

6. Scream "HOLY TIN FOIL BAT MAN" and instead of putting it out, decide it's pretty and dance around it.

Um, I didn't actually do that... nope not me...i am not that dumb... promise... but let's say hypothetically, if someone is looking for something to buy me, maybe a microwave would be great.

And hypothetically, if this HAD happened I might have gotten my dances confused, so if it rains tomorrow it is not my fault since this really didn't happen

I am all bored, home, lonely, and I have gone text message crazy. I have sent random jokes to people that don't feel i am good enough for a reply, HOWEVER, when I sent something to Madmathias about the Christmas in June gift that only the cool kids in the Real World Blog are getting, he replied. That automatically made him better than any of my real life friends. Then I told him that I might have sent him small pox or herpes because I am trying to win his heart over. Then I made a reference to a great song that has been in my head all day, so really the point of this post is so you all can sing along with me sometime, and maybe to explain what i meant with "I didn't even have to put soup on a stick" comment, that might have just sounded like i had lost my mind again.

Brak: Space Ghost:
This is a song about eatin' food

I would climb the deepest river, swim the highest mountain
I'd wash my feet in lemonade if that will do the trick
I would dip my pig in butter, and ride him 'round the playground
If I thought it'd make you love me I'd put soup on a stick
Soup on a stick!
I knew a girl named Zoey, who lived in Chicago-ey
She moved to Buffalo-ey where it's snowy
But that's another sto-ey, a-huh!
Zoey had a sister, and I could not resist her
I tried one time to kiss her but I missed her
And that's how I met Zoey, ho!

Here's the part about cuttin' muffins

And I'd climb the deepest river, swim the highest mountain
I'd even clean my room if I thought that would do the trick
I'd trade underwear with Zorak, or give up eating donuts
If I thought it'd make you love me I'd put soup on a stick
Something on a...stick?
Soup....on a stick

Where's my pineapple? I'm goin' to my room!
Why is it that I have such hatred for Kindergarden teachers?!?

Did Mrs. Harshberger really ruin my life when I was 4 (yea that is right 4, I have always been advanced)? Today in class presentations, a kindergarden teacher presented and I thought I would have to kill her, but then I realized there are 30 witnesses in the class I would kill too, and I am WAY too lazy for all that. But anyway, this woman worked with "Special" kids, so her facial expressions and tone of voice were even more animated than the normal life sucking k teacher. I hate her.
Last night I walked into a bar and a guy sitting at the bar says "MARCI!!!!". It was a friend that I have not really seen since my undergrad years. It was a small college so it is only natural that everyone still knows everyone's business after 4 years. So of course the first thing out of his mouth was, "I heard something REALLY bad happened to you lately." Not really the best conversation starter when I haven't seen you in a long time, but it was followed with "man you have slimmed down, you look really good", so I over looked it and continued to talk about how good I looked, and how i am too poor to eat i am trying to get an eating disorder so i can meet Mary-Kate.


It is cool because you don't have to read and the picture are pretty good. Although, I am thinking he needs more nudity, but hey that is just my thoughts on it. Oh and maybe a picture of feet is a bit more than I can take, but I have a foot thing and he didn't know that so I will let it slide.
I just took a test and since I stayed out late drinking with THE BOY last night instead of studying, I have a feeling my grade is not going to be an indication of my ability. I also can't figure out if i have a hang over or if i am having sinus problems. I have never had sinus problems but right now i feel like my face is going to blow off.
I hung out with THE BOY last night. He is leaving for what he calls, "good" on August 1st. But this is a funny thing.... He claimed it was final and done and he is moving forever, however, in the middle of our political/religious conversation over beer (I know i am against that, but it is always a nice debate with him) he interrupted me to say:
"You know I will be back quite a few times through out the year"
That was weird because he was all talking about how this would be the last time we would see eachother. I think maybe he was trying to be dramatic, anyone who knows the story knows for a fact we will see eachother again before we die, I have no worries on this. So I continued on with my views on eastern religions and about an hour later he says:
"I am not under contract, so when I finish my research I can move back anytime I want to"
Again, I blew through the comment with random banter about how I fully know that he is not the guy that is going to stay in one place too long, but that in no way makes me believe he will be moving back to Atlanta. This apparently was the wrong thing to say when trying to avoid a conversation that would inevitably leave me with a mind-fuck. But the conversation made me feel good. Things are all worked out, and many things are all forgiven. It is cool to know that there is at least one person in the world that thinks about you from time to time and smiles, even if you might never see them again.

Constant-That which is not subject to change; that which is invariable


I found this on Jonnies site, and now i will laugh about my results for the rest of the day. I love the word Vomit.... that is normal, right?!?

marci is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested.


From Go-Quiz.com
Dear whom ever hid the 25 dead baby rodents in my car simply so I could enjoy the aroma of decaying carcass of driving to school,

Thank you! Apparently you know how happy mulktitasking makes me. This way I got to dry my hair AND avoid vomiting by driving down I85 with my head out the window AND systematically trying to find the source of the rancid smell. (which BTW, I did not find, I would not want to play hide and seek with you.)

Deepest love,


Melanie and I spent a majority of our weekend having a water balloon fight. Yes, that is correct, we are 25 year old girls that should have more grown up ways of spending their time, like joining a book club, or shopping for "mom jeans", or maybe trying to figure out how we can affect the world in a positive way. But NO! We have no time for that, for Christ sakes there are balloons out there that are just screaming to be filled with water and launched a friends face. I thought we were having fun yesterday during the day, but man at 3am after quite a bit of alcohol, it got EVEN better. Although, the latter led to a bit of destruction and numerous puddles INSIDE my apartment, and maybe a broken window.

I am not sure if our immaturity is why no one will ever love us, or if it is the fact that we looked like total white trash in boxers and tanktops running around my apartment complex. Either way, I am so glad she is living in GA again, because I was starting to feel silly running around alone doing these things.

Also, should I be offended that a girl that spent an hour in MY shower with a boy, tried to call me out on being a ho*?

*By definition I am not a ho.
HO: One deprived of all dignity from years of slutting and whoring
Maybe a slut ~without proper oppurtunity~. (a woman with the morals of a man), but not a ho.

******AFTER THE FACT EDIT********
Brad Just IM'd me and said
"you have my permission to kick me in balls next time you see my if I've crossed a line, but, is the story: melanie has been around for about three weeks and has already found a man that is willing to give it to her in somebody else's shower while you're still stuck with " ---------- ---"?" (had to edit.... too funny, yet offensive to some readers.)
I should clarify,
I am not talking about melanie shacking up with some guy in the shower. You should all know if she called me a ho or a slut, i would not even think of being offended, I am referring to another friend that was here hanging out.


Last night in class I watched the History of Hate in America, and when it showed the Chinese concentration camps in the west, I was amazed that the room (a 6x6 concrete square with only a mattress) in the camp resembled my apartment and made a comment to the girl next to me.

Me: Why is that Chinese guy in my apartment?
Her: You have no heart.

This is the point where the picture changed and it showed a Chinese man hanging himself in his little tiny concentration camp room.

Me: OMG, why did he kill himself in my apartment?
Her: FOR REAL MARCI, get the fuck out of the counseling program!

These people really need to lighten up.
Melanie apparently woke herself up laughing last night because she had a dream where I used a new laugh. Only she can't remember the laugh, so all day today, I am going to try out new laughs to see if we can figure out which laugh I had that made her wake up laughing. So far I have not done it, but I have all day. When I figure it out maybe I will do an adio post with it.


Hanging out with Kevin (formally known as Army Boy) was fantastic. Nothing has changed in our relationship in the year he has been gone either, boys still get pissed off thinking that Kevin and I have something going on, when in actuality, it is nothing physical, he just worships me and I dig that.

Also, my phone rang all night last night. I swear, I come home all drunk I want to go to sleep, but apparently everyone I was drinking with and some that I wasn't drinking with felt that they needed to call me and explain things or to just drunken ramble. Needless to say the last call came in at 6:00am so I am all tired today, and my classes blow and I hate school, everyone that is currently enrolled with me, and the fact that I am up here for far too long on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but other than that, I am having a GREAT DAY. And the whole sleep thing is going to be cured soon because I just beat up a bum and took his crack.

One more reason my cup should be half empty, but isn't, is that I no longer get to go to free beer. I have a class on Thursday nights. I guess I could take beer to class with me It is a multicultural class, so I could say that in my religion I have to drink 5:30- 7:30 on Thursdays. That way I would still want to hang out after free beer with people. But it wouldn't be free. I guess I just need to go smoke this crack and think about how hot everyone at free beer is going to be while I am in a nice air conditioned room.


I should be doing homework and getting ready for class, but instead I am playing around with a new idea. Does anyone know how I can patent this? Everyone else is making money on the Atkins diet, why shouldn't I?

Once this hits the shelves, I expect a few thank you letters from you guys out there.



I have plans to see THE BOY tomorrow night, since Lurker Boy is going to hang out with someone else. It is possible my plans will fall through with THE BOY, like normal but they are in place for now nonetheless. So I was a bit happy about that and then I check my email today and find a fun email. Yesterday I sent my army friend an email because he is supposed to be back in the states but he has not emailed me, so naturally I sent an email threatening his life and telling him how bad of a person he is. I think maybe the fear of my midget army got to him and it seems he has already planned to come see me tomorrow night, since he just got home today. I guess THE BOY will have to wait yet again.... Although Army boy is one of the only people that really does like THE BOY, so maybe the plans can combine, I would rather Army Boy meet Lurker Boy, but I am old enough to know I can't ever always have it my way. Either way, tomorrow night is going to rock my socks off. Lets hope I don't get stood up by everyone and have to sit at home and watchthe WB and drink wine alone.
Other news:
We had to give introductions in class today and say one thing that would help people remember who we were. Everyone of the 27 females in the class just got married or is about to get married. Why do they think I need to know that? I don't care about you or your happy home or where you went on your honeymoon. Now there is no way to tell anyone apart except for me. My intro was:
"I'm marci, in rehab counseling, and I don't believe in marriage"


I just washed my clothes because I have been too poor to do so and finally have the quarters. I have been all excited, seeing as though I am wearing my last pair of clean underwear. I noticed some really annoying pink sign in there when I put my clothes in the washer, but being too good for the color pink I didn't read it. Turns out it said, "Dryers Out Of Order".

Now I am sitting here with wet clothes hung everywhere and my clean undies mocking me and yelling "HAHAHA you got no panties". I can go out with underwear can't I?

I mentioned this morning that the long awaited question of when my lights would go out will not get answered. I LIED!

Turns out I have 3 days. I think it is swell that they send me a letter letting me know. I should have done this a lot earlier, and saved myself countless nights of sleep wondering how Nazi they are how long their niceness will go on.
I had already planned out a post to write today, but things have changed and I no longer need to turn this into "Subliminal Silence: My Life as a Prostitute" Blog. I know that is upsetting to some of you, but I for one am happy I was able to work out my financial aid issues. And besides I would have been pretty upset if I had to spend my free time romping for cash. Don't get me wrong, romping is a good way to spend your free time, one of my favorites, but when I am a paid employee, I would have to put best into it and I am too lazy to put effort into people I find repulsive. Maybe that was a hasty idea anyway, I probably could have made a few bucks selling the pictures of my cleavage on ebay, but since "they were all deleted", I bet I could not have gotten them handed over to me.

So Moral of the story is I am still broke, but I am not worried about paying bills anymore. Although that means my little "how long can I go without them cutting my electricity" and "my car can run with no gas, right" experiments are going to have to wait.


I start back to school tomorrow, so the fun facts with start flowing freely again soon. I also get to start working out this week. Yep, that's right, I am turning to the dark side. All I have done for the past 2 months of my life is sit and drink beer and watch tv with all the carb crazy people on it. This is mainly because I am lazy and poor enough to consider selling my eggs really poor, but still, I am not jumping on the carb wagon because I think that would be like becoming friends with Mariah Carey, and we all know that would be worse than a front seat ticket on the train to hell, but I figure I can still eat a loaf a bread and 25 strawberry frosted pop tarts a day and drink my imported beer if I start swimming a few times a week. I am really just trying to prolong my time before I become a fat old lady with a perm and a moo moo. Perm and Moo moo are fine, but I can't handle being fat with a moo moo.

UM... and yea... one more thing... to all the girls out there, I need to warn you that if you fall asleep at someone's house wearing a tank top, use a blanket. This way there will not be pictures of your cleavage floating around in the world.
*before I get yelled at, I was told all pictures were in fact deleted, but come on, when you photograph perfection, do you really delete it?

There are not enough words in the world to describe how good Saved! is. I have always thought Macaulay Culkin was the spawn of the devil, at least since he dropped Elijah Wood to his death in the Good Son, But in this movie he plays the spawn and is so funny doing it. Any movie with a paraplegic that dances for food, makes fun of holy rolling Christians, and shows that the Christians have worse faults than the "evil people" at the same time really can not lose. I can see why a few people are up in arms about this movie (my mom would hate it), but I can not help that some people really have no sense of humor.
And I am not just saying this because I secretly love Mandy Moore movies.


Everyone already knows that if I was a cartoon character i would have to be in Daria simply because no cartoon character can turn me on the way Trent does, and I would be the best thing that ever happened to him. This morning I started thinking that with the changing times I might end up having to come back as computer animated, and now i am all stressed out because I am not sure which one I would want to be in. I am totally convinced someone is going to knock on my door today and force me to decide, so i need to clear this up. It kinda seems like I should be more concerned with fun than booty in that world. I could hang out with the Geico Gecko and do the robot all day (which is not unlike my life now, only i would have a lizard with me), I could kick it with Shrek and donkey and have dumb fun (kinda like hanging out with Melanie), or would I want to live in Toy Story so I could have a cowboy as my significant other. I mean his name is Woody, who doesn't want him?

I am so confused and stressed out now!


Random Thought of the Day
Is it still considered masochistic, if you don't mean to do it, but you end up doing it over and over again?

I really need a lesson in walking away from losing situations, instead of continuously putting myself is crappy situations just to see how things will play out. I guess maybe I just like to kill time between getting screwed over.
Confusion Clear Up

I talk about free beer a bit because it is the only thing I really live for i enjoy it so much. New readers get confused about it, so here it is.

Dogwood Brewery, and a few other micro breweries in town, have a night where they give out free beer. Dogwood is about 3 miles from my apartment. Every Thursday, a group of hard core drunks and some out of place people, show up and hang out in the grass and the parking lot behind the brewery and they pour free beer for 2 hours. Thing is, this is the beer that might have messed up and the alcohol content is too high to sell, so it ends up being a lot better beer. It turns out to be a really cool crowd of rock climbers, kayakers, hippies, computer geeks (aka. GA Tech students), and some old men. It is strictly word of mouth and not advertised anywhere, but there are normally about 150 people there. Most people there are there every week, and you can sit and play cards and chess with people, there are usually guitars, the occasional bag pipes, or what ever someone brings... and last week there was a slack line for unlimited entertainment of drunks people trying to walk the line. Free Beer is actually where I have met alomost all of my Atlanta friends. I really is a magical place.


I don't think so. Melanie left to go home about an hour ago, and for some reason I have so much energy I feel like i can spontaneously combust. This happened yesterday too, when I talked for 3 hours without shutting up, and when I tried, it seemed like the worse pain in the world. So now i am sitting here, of course in my tiara, and I have nothing to do. I have already cleaned my apartment, made confetti out of things on my desk (let's face it, life is better with confetti), vacuumed up my confetti, danced around with Archibald, had a complete conversation with VH1 about how much I love it now, analyzed why a BIC pen is called a "Bic", took The Plugs scavenger hunt, and other various things that you'll make fun of me for doing. Now I might be out of things to do. I guess I only have 14 hours until free beer, but I think that might be too long for me to sit here by my self, seeing as though I might be going insane. Since Melanie had to go home, and Lurker boy has to go hang out with ex girlfriends, someone needs to come hang out with me. I have an idea of who I would like to hang out with and would like to hang out with me, but I seem to be confused on what is right and what is wrong these days, so maybe I am better off sitting here alone. I have a feeling that is what Brad would tell me, but since he has lost his self respect, maybe he is eager for me to do the same. Who knows, I will decide if I am calling *someone* while I see how many pony tails I can put in my hair at the same time, because that sounds fun right now.



Jeez, can't a girl take a few days and not post and not be in trouble. Case in point.

Brad posted:
I think Marci died. She hasn't posted in a few days and that's not like her. Also, she's not been logged on to msn for a while.

Marci was last seen at her apartment after free beer wearing some booty shorts, a t-shirt that said "a loser is trying to hook up with me" on the front, and a tiara. There is some possibility that she has been there for about a week since, evidenced by her posting. Nothing has been heard from her since the fourth of June. If anybody has any information regarding her disappearance, please email me at keertus@hotmail.com. A small reward may or may not be offered, depending on your information. There will be amnesty for any guilty parties that come forward; additionally, there might be a swift kick in the nuts. Thank you. I would attach a picture, but it's too much effort to find one off her website.

Melanie was last seen or heard from in Italy. Should be in the Atlanta, GA area, but current whereabouts and dress are unknown. Last heard from on the 2nd of June. Possibly wearing booty shorts but more likely seen around bars asking for people to "make out, but no booty." Please email me with any information you may have. As before, any guilty parties that come forward will be given amnesty, but also a good, strong wedgie. Thank you for your help.

Sorry no posts lately, but if anyone actually reads my site they know i had to go to NC for my dads cancer surgery. I took Melanie with me, which was interesting to say the least. Her first sentence after meeting my parents was 2 hours later and it was "Nothing you could have said could have prepared me for this". And here I thought I had explained things pretty decently.

Anyway I am back and will post decent stuff after I unpack.


We all know I am a total voyeur. I blog, and that should be proof enough. Christopher Reeves in Rear Window, is truly my hero. Only instead of solving murders, I watch my neighbors have sex. Not all the time but I did last night. My neighbor in the building behind me was watching porn, once I noticed it, I am not too sure that he knew I was watching porn with him. But only for like 15 minutes or so. I might have watched the porn longer but after 15 minutes, the neighbors started having sex, so i decided to watch that instead. That is not so wrong, right?

The way I see it is, if the window is left open they want someone to watch. I can't be the one to let them down. But one question: Would it be wrong of me to put a note on their door telling them to get better porn?

I think maybe my life needs to pick up on the exciting factor, if this is how i am forced to spend my evenings.

Other news:



I officially accepted an internship today, and I will be working with homeless addicts starting August 17th. Yea, I know that doesn't sound like fun to any one but me, but I am actually really excited about it. I get to do relapse therapy and anger management and decision making. Maybe I can get the groups to meet at a bar.

Also, how cool is when you say something you really should not have said and then find out the person you said it too doesn't remember anything due to alcohol consumption? Yea that happened last night. Yea I might have gotten mad, but since it is not remembered it never happened... that is awesome.


Yesterday when I got my hair cut a black woman runs into the salon and grabs her makeup out of her drawer and screams... "Don't talk to me I only have 2 minutes to put on my eye brows before he is picking me up"

Whoa, Thank goodness my eye brows stay attached, that sounds like a curse of the Greek gods. I guess it is better than pushing a boulder, but still.
Since I have noticed Paul is back in full rotation on the comments... This post is for him, since I think he is the only one that will understand my humor on it.

Me: I cut 7 inches off my hair
Brad: Why in the hell would you have done that?
Me: because my hair kept getting stuck in my armpit.
Brad: your gross.
Me: yea, and to top that, now i have to start shaving my armpits again since I don't have the block anymore.


Conversation I just had:

Me: hi mom
Mom: Hey why don't you come home this weekend, we are getting the new puppy to replace your dog and your dad has surgery and we need someone to stay with the dogs so the new puppy doesn't have problems with the other dogs.
Me: Why is dad having surgery?
Mom: Oh they need to try to get rid of the cancer that is rapidly growing on his back.
Me: Why was I uninformed about this?
Mom: Well you don't ever seem to care what goes on here, I am sure you would find out if he died.

Who is worse in this situation, me for normally not giving a damn, or her for not telling me crucial information? I guess I am not too open with them about anything, but I like to think if i got cancer I would call and clue then in.

Maybe this is Melanie's chance to take a road trip with me, since she has wanted to actually meet the woman behind the legend for years now. I am still not sure she could handle it, but there might be some humor to be found in the introduction so Melanie can know I am have never embellished my stories.

I thought my day couldn't get any better since I am just sitting here watching Fraggle Rock, since Lurker Boy let me borrow 51 episodes. But then my computer makes noise and it is my friend Deuce telling me to read an email he sent to a girl I know that has turned him down on many occasions in a not so friendly way. I laugh every time it happens because he just keeps trying. So why was the email so funny?

Hey. Free beer misses you! Come back.
Marci's friend that wants to bang you!

The Reply:
jesus fuck.

Windex taste really bad!