Dear Ass Hole who stole my radio,
I thought it really sucked when I saw the broken window and lack of radio and the thought of Bert being touch by a stranger seemed like the worse it could get. It turns out it sucks even worse that I have to drive all around without a radio due to the fact that my mind won't stop thinking long enough to get me home unless there is constant noise, so I end up forgetting that I am driving and almost wreck Bert every few minutes. It sucks even worse that I am too poor to get it replaced. It also sucks EVEN more that I look all white trash rolling down the road with cardboard in my window. I don't think you fully thought through how this would affect Bert's self esteem. I would appreciate it if you put more thought in to your career of choice and maybe target cars with a little bit better quality than my $85 radio.
PS you forgot to take the remote for the radio. I will leave it on the sidewalk for you.