Today I woke up at Ass crack of dawn and went to the DMV to fix my little expired licensed/ going to court/ going to jail/ having a girlfriend named bertha that loving calls me boo problem. It opened at 9 so I got there at 7. Only I had to go to the one near work, and it turns out I do not work in the best neighborhood in Atlanta. So there I was little white girl sitting in South Dekalb Mall with my study guides and studying, when three young thugs came in. I am not sure if my clients are right about me having enough street cred to hang in the ghetto or if it was the mace I was holding but the thugs took a liking to me and talked to me the whole time, and only called me "bitch" once and only used the word "pussy" 5 times, and even offered to let me hit their crack pipe if I wanted to go outside with them. They were really sweet guys. Sweet in the "they didn't try to gang rape me on the floor of the mall" kinda way.
I got my New license and the guy taking my pict apparently was new because he told me to face a certain way and where to look and I asked him if I was pretty before he took the picture and he wouldn't answer.... I took that to mean he had a crush on me and was nervous... He said "look here" and there was a flash and then I got my ID and I am half in the picture and facing to the side and looking to total wrong direction. It really sucks I am stuck with this picture for another 4 years and maybe more if I let it expire again.
THE STORY ON HOW PORN KEPT ME OUT OF HANDCUFFS
This weekend I was driving to go meet someone for brunch when I got pulled over for speeding. My first thought was "Holy shit, my License expired last year and now I might have to give the cop a blow job to get out of this, and this is a VERY busy road, and that is going to be SO embarrassing" and then my second thought hit me while the cop was right at the window.... "Shit I was supposed to return this porn sitting in my passenger seat, and now it is in plain view of the cop".....
The cop asks for my ID and he looks around my car and then proceeds to ask all the questions to the DVD.... I still answered:
Cop: You know I can take you to jail.
Me: FOR HAVING PORN, THAT IS CRAZY! *yea I should think before I talk*
Cop: No, for having an expired license, technically you are driving with out a license now.
Me: No shit, those things expire, you have got to be kidding me.
(I figure the dumb horny girl act is my best course of action at this point)
Cop: do you have someone that can drive your car for you? If you can find someone to come get it I won't take you in
Me: *thinking for the best reply, while he is trying to make out the pictures on the back of the DVD* No I just moved here and I don't know anybody.
Cop: Well I suppose I can let you drive if you promise to drive straight home and park your car til you have a valid license.
Me: you are awesome, thank you, but will it be ok if I return my video first?
Cop: *walks away after handing me 3 tickets*
Yep, I think this means things are getting back to normal.
I really wish I could have some really cool story of where I have been lately, but as it turns out I have become the most boring person on earth. I sit on the couch and pretend to study for my 8 hour licensing exam and then when I can not take that anymore I get in bed and pretend to study from there while I watch the news and then I fall asleep and pretend that the reason I haven't studied is becuase work has kept me so busy that I fall asleep before I can open the book and then I wake up and go to work where some homeless addict tells me that it was absolutely neccessary for him to smoke crack becuase his hemmroids hurt too bad and then I go home and the whole process starts over. Yea that is right, I really did say that my bed has only been used for studying and falling alseep lately.... that shows how miserable this school thing has made my life.
I will be all done at 4:00pm on April 30th. When I say "ALL" I mean I will be cmpletely free of most reponsibility and I can continue to frolic in my old way..... (FYI: There is now a free beer night Every night of the week in Atlanta (except for Tuesday)....
In the instruction booklet on my exam they tell me to make no plans after the exam becuase I will be exhausted..... as I see it, this will be the last rule I will be able to break for a very long time, so Iwill be found in various bars in Atlanta for that whole weekend..... who wants to hang?!?!?!?!? I may need some strangers to join me since I think all my friends might have moved on with life without me........
PS. Props to Goose for being the only one to miss me!