I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!

I just saw a commercial for Brita water filters and on it they said that it even filters mermaids. OMG! So now I am deathly scared that some mermaid is going to pop out of the sink and she is going to be so pissed off about being stuck there in my smelly sink for so long that she is going to go "EEEIIIIEEEEIIII" (Splash style) with the intent of making my ears bleed and thus leaving me to bleed to death. I will have to duct tape all the sinks every night and then that leaves me explaining why the sinks are taped to any potential boy that comes over and that is one more reason no one is ever going to love me. THANKS A LOT BRITA!