Dear fat ass in my mirror,

GO AWAY! Why are you stalking me? I know that you are a cruel joke unless you also replaced all my clothes with bigger ones, because oddly enough, the clothes seem slightly bigger lately. I know Dr. Phil sent you here because he is trying to rule the world, but I am not having it. So you have 30 minutes to pack up and to get the hell out and bring back the skinny girl that used to live there before I call the cops and report a break in and kidnapping. I do not think the police will think this is as funny as you do.

Tootles,
Marci