DIVINE INTERVENTION AND THE URGE TO VOMIT
Me: Hang on mom, I have another call
Mom: *cue bitching that she is more important than other line*
------ click back to mom who is still bitching-------
Me: mom, stop bitching, i was not here to hear you
mom: oh ok who was that.
Me: Lurker boy
Mom: Oh who is that, is that someone you are dating.
Me: You know our relationship does not entail me talking to you about these matters.
Mom: oh well what ever happened to THE BOY.
Me: Funny you should ask, it would be even better if I talked to you about these things and you could find the humor too, but since I don't sorry, you're at a loss.
Mom: Well just remember the one that makes you want to vomit is not always the right one.

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How is it that I have never told her anything about anyone and she chooses the perfect phrase to sum it up? My mother must be a witch.
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2ND HALF OF POST DELETED FOR LACK OF COMEDIC VALUE